


Redemption

by goufa



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: A lot of F-bombs, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, College Life, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, a little rexi, lots of internal conflict bc yanno college life, lots of massie, v gay!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2020-12-27 05:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 50,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goufa/pseuds/goufa
Summary: Rue and Jules are only human. So are Lexi, Cassie, Maddy, and Kat. And humans fuck up like all of the time, right?aka the fic where a bunch of young women try to find themselves and redemption while juggling college on their shoulders.





	1. New York

There are three things that Rue hates about New York:

It seems as if everyone from her old town has followed her to New York- some even to the same school.

Fez isn't in New York.

New York is like, way too crowded. There are a lot of people, a lot of opportunities, and way too much for Rue to take in.

But there are also a few things that Rue loves about New York:

Like how Lexi and Cassie are here with her. Lexi and Rue have always been pretty close but Lexi helped her apply to schools, their college being one of them after Lexi, Cassie, and Rue had a discussion about going to the same school and were like fuck-it and went for it. It's nice to have familiar faces around after uprooting. Plus, Cassie is her dormmate and it has forced their friendship to grow stronger, so that's nice.

Rue also enjoys how big the city is. When it's not giving her anxiety it's giving her a cover from everything going on and something to look forward to. Moving has truly been a clean slate for her, especially now that she's clean, and even though things can be overwhelming sometimes she's excited to be in school and have a future to look forward to.

The parties are nice when Rue is up for one, and it's cool being around so many different people. It's different, and something different is definitely what Rue needs.

Especially right now, though. She's been stuck in her schoolwork flow for the last few days and she needs a fucking break. If she has to look at another notebook her head might literally explode.

"I'm losing my mind," She informs Cassie and Lexi after plopping down at their table. They're currently in the dining hall and the sisters are startled by Rue's sudden presence, stopping their conversation to welcome the girl.

"Hey, Rue," Lexi smiles warmly. Rue offers her a small grin and Lexi knows it's all she can offer right now. They're all exhausted from preparing for midterms, everyone just handles themselves differently. Personally, Lexi likes to attend mosh pits, try different diets, and masturbate when she's stressed. That being said, the fact that she has a single dorm this year has really helped her remain somewhat stress-free.

Lexi's not too sure how Cassie handles her stress, though. During high school, she would probably just resort to 'party' drugs, sex, and partying but ever since her transformation into a "newer, more mature, Cassie" as she likes to say herself, she's been pretty laidback about literally everything. The younger sister is not even sure if Cassie even gets stressed. If she does, she does a great job hiding it. If Lexi had to guess, she'd bet Cassie splurges on skincare products and is hypersensitive when she's stressed nowadays.

Rue is just completely different, though. Rue already has a default energy level that seems relatively low to like, anyone that knows her- whether they're a close friend, acquaintance, professor, or what. It's not that she's disinterested or always in a funk, she just doesn't feel the need to put all of her energy into making sure other people know how she feels and presenting herself in a welcoming manner. Like, why should she anyway? It's something that she's been told she should work on but... maybe after finals.

Lexi knows that Rue isn't normally bouncing around though, plus on top of their schoolwork, she doesn't expect Rue to greet her with a hug and gleaming smile. It's just not gonna happen, and she understands.

"Hey, Lexi."

"Rue Rue. I see you slept in today."

"Yeah, well, it's not like I can sleep when you're in the dorm with that loud ass snoring. Fuck. I need a break from school and I can't even escape to my own dorm," Rue scoffs and reaches over to steal some of Cassie's fries.

"Hey! I do not snore." Both Lexi and Rue give Cassie a look and she tilts her head, thinking about the lie she just told. "That loud."

"You do though," Lexi argues.

"So do you! What the fuck?"

"Yeah, but Lexi's is cute so..."

Lexi's face flushes and Rue grins at her, popping a fry into her mouth.

"Fuck off?"

"Okay, I understand that you're upset," Rue laughs at Cassie.

"Enough fighting, kiddos."

"How about we go to a party?"

"Um?"

"What, you're the one who said you need a break from homework, right?" Cassie points out, snatching her plate from Rue who has managed to slide the entire thing in front of her. "Also, I don't share with people that don't appreciate my snoring."

"Well... what party are we talking about? And okay, whatever, snorer." Rue sticks her tongue out at Cassie. Lexi chuckles and shakes her head at the two, opening her laptop to probably do some homework.

Cassie rolls her eyes but is smiling regardless. Her and Rue banter around like this all of the time. "I think Kat is going to some frat party or something?"

"Woah. What? Kat goes to school with us?"

"Rue..." Lexi furrows her brows. "Yes."

Rue shrugs, "Honestly haven't seen her around."

"That's because she's barely on campus. But anyway, I can get the party details, so yes or no?"

Lexi and Rue are quiet and stare at each other, waiting for the other to answer first. Cassie laughs and they turn to her, confused.

"Just kidding. Not an option. We're going!"

Rue groans and can't help but facepalm herself. Of course, Cassie is going to drag her to this party, she should've known. She's only running on a few hours of sleep and a few cups of coffee but maybe she should pull through and try to attend the party anyway. She needs it, she said so herself.

Besides, with Cassie and Lexi at the party with her Rue feels like it won't be too bad. Kat will be there too which doesn't offer Rue much comfort since she and Kat don't really talk unless it's through a mutual friend, but she's not a complete stranger so Rue can appreciate that.

"Sure, Cass. I'll go. Lexi, you in?"

"Yeah, for sure."

___

A few minutes away, Kat and Jules were stressing over the same party in Jules's small apartment. She's not sure why she would choose to live on her own instead of just staying on campus again- last year wasn't too bad- but as long as her roommate, she doesn't have one right now but whoever they might be since they tend to come and go, isn't complete shit Jules thinks it can work.

"Do you think I should wear my black heels or the red ones? Hair wavy or straight? C'mon, Jules. I need feedback."

"Uh, red and wavy." Jules glances up from her phone for a second to look over Kat's outfit again. "Yeah. Red and wavy."

"Thanks. Who are you so busy texting anyway?"

"Huh? No one. Just seeing who else is going to the party. No one important that we know it turns out," The blonde shrugs and tosses her phone somewhere next to her on the bed.

"Actually..." Kat raises her brows and turns around, tilting her head suggestively.

"What?"

"A few important people we know are coming. Cassie just confirmed that she's coming," Kat pauses to see Jules perk up, sitting up straighter. Before she can say anything Kat speaks again, examining Jules's response, "Along with Lexi... and Rue."

"Oh," Jules's mouth opens a bit and her eyebrows raise. They furrow just as quickly and she pulls her knees up so that she can rest her chin on them, slipping into deep thought. She and Rue haven't talked in a while. Since graduation to be exact. They haven't been close since even before that- and it's Jules's fault, she's not gonna lie.

"Okay. Yeah, I mean, okay. They're important. I haven't seen them in awhile I- I didn't even know Lexi and Rue were in New York."

"Surprise?" Kat grimaces, throwing Jules a glance through the full body mirror. She sighs when she sees her friend distressed. "They all go to the same school as me. I don't see them much because I'm always here or out and about if I'm not in class but... I wasn't sure if I should tell you. I thought it would just make you upset."

"I'm not upset!" Jules defends a little too quickly. Kat raises a questioning brow and she clears her throat, standing up. "I mean. I'm not upset. It's whatever, it's not like we're enemies or anything. I'm actually- I'm really excited to see Rue," She sighs out happily.

"Yeah, I can tell. Look, finish getting dressed so we can head out. Traffic is a bitch."

"Aren't we all?" Jules grins at Kat and finishes getting dressed.


	2. Is this even real?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mention of drinking

  
"No offense, but this is kind of lame," Rue shouts over the music blaring through the speakers.

"You literally just got here! I'll go get you some non-alcoholic drinks and we'll dance or something after, okay?" Cassie smiles, patting Rue on the cheek. "Be right back."

Rue throws her head back and groans, looking around the already overcrowded party. Lexi escaped to the bathroom as soon as they walked in and now Cassie has basically told her to stay put while she goes to fetch her, the addict, non-alcoholic drinks. Another reason why Rue did not want to come to this party. Every time she attends one she's like a sore thumb that can't help but stick out and gets babied by all of her friends or she automatically becomes their caretaker because she's the sober one. She hates it. But she also appreciates her friends very much.

Lexi usually stays sober with Rue but when she does feel like letting loose Cassie will stay sober and let Lexi do her thing. The two are honestly angels.

Rue feels like everyone is staring at her just standing awkwardly in the middle of the room so she starts to gravitate towards one of the walls- the wall in the direction Cassie went towards, hoping it'll be easier for the girl to spot her.

Turns out it was easier to spot her. Just not for Cassie.

"Rue?"

Rue freezes, eyes wide and eyebrows raise, she slowly turns towards the voice calling her name. She's taken aback- literally, she stumbles back a bit- when she sees who it is. Of course, she can recognize that voice anywhere. In a room with a million people screaming, Rue will always be able to distinguish Jules from the crowd.

"Jules?" Rue stammers out, mouth going uneasily dry. "What're you.. What're you doing here?"

It's a dumb question, really. Of course, Jules is at this party. Rue knew she goes to school in New York as well, so she's not sure why she even let it slip out of her mouth but they both know she means it more in a 'what are you doing talking to me?' way than an 'oh, you go to parties?' way.

"I'm here with Kat! It's so good to see you!" Jules answers anyway and lunges forward to envelop Rue into a hug. The slightly shorter girl is so tense she probably feels like a surfboard, she thinks to herself as Jules's head sinks into her shoulder.

Either Jules doesn't notice how tense she is or she just doesn't care and is trying to savor the moment because she doesn't say anything or move, and Rue looks around awkwardly. She eventually brings a hand up to pat Jules on the back and lets her shoulders relax slightly. Jules giggles into her shoulder and Rue's mouth twitches into a small smile.

"God, I've missed you. Rue, I- There's so much I need to talk to you about. How have you been?"

"Fine," Rue clears her throat, pulling away from their hug. She looks around for Lexi or Cassie, praying that someone comes and rescues her quickly. "You?"

"Like, so fucking good."

Rue just nods her head and gives Jules a small smile, hoping her old best friend will get bored with their conversation and leave her alone. Again.

Jules doesn't though. In their moment of silence, she takes the time to observe Rue's appearance and sighs in adornment. Rue looks good. She looks healthy and happy and that's all Jules could hope for. While scanning over Rue for what seems like the umpteenth time she notices something.

"Wait, do you have makeup on? That's not like dark glitter? Is this even real right now?" Jules reaches her hand out to cup Rue's face but the girl flinches and quickly dodges her, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, I do. Look, Jules, I don't wanna seem rude or blunt or whatever but... what do you want?"

Rue's word sting but she has every right to not be interested in talking to Jules. In fact, Jules is lucky she isn't giving her a real piece of her mind right now. She's actually proud that Rue is standing up for herself and not worrying about doing what makes Jule's comfortable.

"Nothing," Jules says so softly Rue almost doesn't hear her. The brunette leans in to hear Jules better and the blonde can't help but glance down at her lips. "I just really miss you. Can we talk? Catch up?"

"I don't know..." Rue catches Jules staring at her lips and feels the heat rise from her neck to her cheeks. She almost looks at Jules' lips but settles with, "I don't know if that's a good idea, Jules."

"Please," Jules begs and grabs Rue's hand. She clasps it with both of her hands, which are very still very soft Rue notes, and holds it to her chest. Jules gives Rue her best puppy dog eyes and the shorter girl pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, trying to avert her gaze so she doesn't fall for this. "Please."

"Rue!"

Rue's head snaps towards the person calling her name and she lets out a deep breath she didn't even know she was holding. Jules notices her relax and feels like crying. Rue hates her. Ugh, she fucked up bad.

"Kat. Hey."

Jules drops Rue's hand and Kat pulls Rue into a tight hug which Rue reciprocates immediately. Jules chews the inside of her cheek and contemplates walking away. Once Rue reveals she didn't know that Kat goes to the same school as her and the two are pulled into a conversation about how they need to catch up, Jules leaves.

"Jules? Bitch, I need to talk to you!"

A small girl approaches Jules, hand on her hip. She's sporting a leopard top and shorts set with sharp eyeliner and very neat golden eyeshadow. A solo cup occupies her other hand.

"Uh, hey?"

"I need to talk to you. It's urgent."

"What's wrong?"

"I know you have your own place... Are you looking for a roommate? I have a job, so no need to worry about me bumming around. I'm neat, keep to myself, all that good stuff. Are you in or not?"

"Maddy, I don't know..." Jules chews on her lip and her eyebrows furrow a bit, deep in thought.

"Fuck, Jules, please. I'll be like, the best roommate. Please. You know I don't like begging."

"Fine," Jules relents because Maddy really does seem desperate and this is the first time Jules has ever seen her like this. "I'll text you my information and you can move in whenever you're ready, m'kay?"

Maddy squeals and wraps her arms around Jules's waist, squeezing her.

"And Maddy," Jules says seriously.

"Hm?"

"If I see Nate anywhere near my place I might just fucking kill him. So, don't have him around."

"Thank you. Thank you! You won't regret it," She gleams as she pulls away and leans up to place a kiss on Jules's cheek. "You look good by the way."

"You do too, bitch!"

Maddy winks and struts away, blowing a kiss at a guy that hollers at her as she passes by and Jules chuckles and shakes her head.

"Now time to find some alcohol."

___

Cassie and Lexi return to find Rue and Kat engrossing in a conversation about the best type of "bum wear" as they call it. Rue is rooting for zip-up hoodies with deep pockets, preferably oversized, paired with loose basketball shorts that also have pockets. Kat is rooting for pullover hoodies with one pocket, the one in the middle that's accessible from both sides, and a pair of joggers or biker shorts.

Rue scoffs and looks at Kat in disgust. "Please stop talking."

"No, _you_, stop!" Kat can't help but smile while she shoves Rue.

"Hey," Lexi interrupts. Rue and Kat turn to look at her and Cassie and the blonde raises her hand full of drinks, waving them around.

"Ladies," Cassie greets them, leaning over to kiss Kat on the cheek. Rue raises a brow and looks at Lexi who just shrugs at her.

"Hey. Took you guys long enough, fuck."

"Sorry! It took us a while to find you."

"I'm sure..." Rue trails off unbelieving. "Kat and I were just catching up."

"Yeah, I totally have to hang out with you bitches soon. Maybe we can do a movie night or something," Kat suggests and Cassie perks up, bouncing at the idea.

"Yes!"

"I like movies," Lexi smiles. "What kind though?"

"Scary. Duh. Rue, you in?"

"Uh, yeah, sure."

"Cool. Now excuse me, ladies, I hear alcohol calling my name."

Cassie hands Rue a mocktail and squeezes her shoulder. Rue stares at her curiously and holds onto the drink, not even wanting a beverage anymore. "Are you okay, Rue? I saw you and Jules talking."

"What? And you didn't come rescue me?"

Cassie and Lexi share a look and Rue shakes her head, scoffing.

"We weren't sure it was a rescue mission."

"I have to use the bathroom," Rue mumbles and takes off towards the other side of the party- as far from as the sisters she can get.

She doesn't really have to use the bathroom she just really doesn't want to talk or think about Jules right now and she wouldn't have such a hard time pushing the blonde out of her mind if her friends would've come and saved her from their conversation.

Rue bumps into someone after pushing her way through the dancing crowd and gasps. "Sorry!"

"Hey, watch where you're going- Wait, Rue?"

"Oh. Hey. Sorry." Rue goes to slip past them but they reach out and grab her wrist, tugging her back towards them.

"What?"

"I need a favor."

"What the hell do I have that you can't do yourself? You know who you're talking to, right?"

"Yeah, someone studying the law, right?"

Now Rue is really confused. No one has ever been interested in her major before, so she's not sure why Maddy out of all people is pulling her aside right now asking for a favor concerning the law. She's a little nervous.

"... What do you need?" She bends down so that Maddy can comprehend her whispering, "Did you commit a crime?"

"No! I just- I really wanna learn a few things. Can you help or not?"

Rue and Maddy aren't necessarily close. Like they've never really considered each other friends or anything. If Rue had to choose anyone to hang out with from their old high school she can't guarantee that Maddy would be in her top five and she knows its definitely the same way vice versa.

"What's in it for me?"

"Well, what do you want?"

Rue is silent for a second, trying to choose wisely. "Can I tell you later?"

"Sure. Whatever, Rue. So you're in?"

"Yeah. What the fuck," Rue shrugs and nods her head. Maddy grins at her and reaches over to squeeze her arm before walking away.

What a weird fucking night it's been.

___

"Hey, um, do you have the key?"

"What? Jules, c'mon, it's your apartment you have the fucking key. Don't tell me you seriously fucking-"

"- Found it!"

Jules giggles and leans onto Kat, who happens to also be struggling with her balance and rushes to hold onto the wall to support both of them, before struggling to enter her key into the keyhole.

"For fuck's sake, Jules!"

Kat snatches the key from her and unlocks the door. Jules stumbles in and starts undressing immediately, Kat following suit.

"Okay, how many drinks did you have? Because I'm a little tipsy but you're like fucked up. You're totally gonna regret that in the morning."

"A lot. I drank a lot, and you know what," Jules pauses to point a finger at Kat, "I fucking earned it. I earned my drinks because I've had a really shitty night, you know? Really shitty," She slurs a bit.

"Right... totally. Let's get you into bed."

The shorter girl guides Jules into her bedroom and helps her lay down on her side before grabbing two makeup wipes for herself and Jules. She cleans Jules up first and then follows with her own makeup, tossing the wipes to the side when she's done. She'll get those later. Kat climbs in bed next to Jules and sighs in relief at the feeling of the soft sheets.

"I'm a shitty person."

"What? No, of course not."

"No, I am. Rue hates me, and she should. Did you see how uncomfortable she was earlier? She fucking hates me!"

"Hey, it's okay. She just hasn't seen you in a while-" Kat stops herself when she realizes she hasn't seen Rue in a long time either. "Well... I mean, I'm sure she doesn't hate you. Whatever happened between you guys is probably still getting to her is all. I mean, I'm not sure what happened but I can tell it still gets to you too."

Jules is silent and Kat hopes she didn't say the wrong thing. She knows that Rue is a sensitive topic for her and she's refused to talk about what happened between them, well, since it happened. What she does know is that Jules went into hardcore party mode and ignored talking about her feelings for the rest of senior year after she and Rue fell out.

After a few moments of silence, Jules rolls over to look at Kat and a tear falls from her eye but she doesn't bother to wipe it away. Kat reaches over and wipes it instead, letting her hand rest on Jules's cheek. In order to avoid making things worse, she just avoids speaking at all. She's here and Jules knows she's here. She hopes that can be enough for right now.

"A few weeks after our winter dance in Junior year, me and Rue kind of hit a rough spot... I just wanted to run away and get out of town so bad. I almost did. I almost went back to the city to stay with TC for a while. East Highland was just hell for me. The only thing that made being there bearable was Rue. So, I stayed," Kat nods and encourages Jules to continue so she takes a deep breath, trying to blink away her tears for a second.

"I stayed because- because, I don't know. Fuck, I just. I thought it would be okay because Rue was with me. I don't know. But shit stayed the same. Nate was still being Nate and I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper, you know? By the time senior year hit I felt like I was losing my mind. I had spent that summer in bliss with Rue but as soon as school started it was like I was Nate's puppet again and I-" Jules chokes on her words, covering her mouth with her hands in order to keep from crying out.

Kat immediately pulls her closer, rubbing her back and doing her best to soothe her. Jules calms down after a minute and swallows whatever doubts she was having about finishing. She needs to talk about this. At least she's a little under the influence.

"I, um... I took it out on Rue. I distanced myself and was just so angry and on edge all of the time. One night Rue was blowing up my phone because she really wanted to hang out and it just made me snap. I wasn't upset at her, I swear! I don't think I can ever be really upset at Rue but when we saw each other the next day I just blew up on her. I- I told her she was suffocating me and that she never lets me breathe. That I needed a break and just didn't wanna talk to her for a while. I also told her I had started hooking up with people again, which was a lie, but I figured after a summer glued together that would help push her away."

Kat's silent, imagining how hurt both Jules and Rue must have been after that. And for them to both be suffering in silence is beyond her. She wishes she could scoop Rue up in a bear hug like she's doing to Jules right now. They both deserve one.

"Did it?" Kat whispers after a few seconds of silence, wondering if Rue gave up her friendship with Jules that easily.

"No. Of course not. Rue knows when I'm bullshitting and she's persistent when she cares," Jules chuckles. "She tried to talk to me every day for a week after that. I was still on edge though. I just didn't want to drag her any further into the Nate drama and I thought if I pushed her away I would get the guts to leave."

"But you didn't."

"Nope. I stayed. And by the time I cleared my head and realized I just made the biggest mistake of my life, I felt like it was too late. Like, how can someone come back from that, you know? Just... I don't know..."

"Yeah," Kat says sympathetically. "I get it, Jules. You're not a horrible person, though, you're a teenager, not even twenty yet. And fucked up shit happens to teenagers. Then you know what we do? Fuck shit up even more. It happens, but I promise you're not a monster and I love you. I'm sure Rue still does too. She's just hurt. But it's going to be okay."

"Love you, Kat." Tears finally stop falling from Jules's eyes and she leans over to kiss Kat on the cheek. She leans down to grab her favorite blanket and makes sure that both she and Kat have enough so that they won't be fighting tonight.

"God, I think I cried all of the alcohol out. My head is pounding."

Kat chuckles and shakes her head, throws her glasses to the side, and wiggles under the covers.

___

Rue and Cassie make it back to their dorm sometime after one in the morning after walking Lexi to her dorm room. They don't talk about the party or any of tonight's events on the way back. In fact, it's silent between the two except for the sound of breathing, their shoes squeaking on the cleaner than usual floor of their residence hall, and the low music flowing from Rue's earphones that are hanging off of her ears.

Cassie makes it to the door first and she pulls out her key. She holds the door open for Rue and checks the hall out of habit before closing it behind herself and making her way to her bed. She plops down face first, lying so still that Rue almost thinks that she fell asleep until she throws her arm out and feels on her desk, searching for her makeup wipes, Rue assumes.

Once she finds the pack she sits up and wipes at her face until she's satisfied with the amount of makeup she sees on the wipe and how clean her face feels- even though Rue can still see a hint of her smeared mascara. Rue throws her jacket somewhere across the room and falls back onto her bed thinking about tonight's events.

"Rue Rue."

Cassie's definitely a little buzzed. Besides being able to hear the change in Cassie's voice, she stumbled a few times on their walk home.

"Yeah, Cass?"

"Do you wanna sleep with me?" Rue turns her head to look at Cassie. See, she's even being more affectionate than usual. They've never shared a bed before- unless you count their sleepovers back in East Highland where everyone piled up in one bed- so she's not sure if Cassie's being serious or not. She's never asked before. "C'mon, I won't bite. Or snore. Unless you want?" Cassie giggles.

"No!" Rue shakes her head at the mention of biting. She recalls that time Jules bit her and shakes her head, climbing out of bed. Been there done that and never again. "I-I mean, yeah. Sure, I'll sleep with you Cass."

Cassie claps and raises the sheet for Rue and the taller girl slips into the small bed, really hoping that she doesn't fall off.

"You better not snore in my ear, Cassie Howards."

Cassie's silent, observing Rue's face. Rue shifts awkwardly, not really sure what to do, and she lets out an uncomfortable chuckle after Cassie doesn't say anything.

"Uh, Cassie?"

"Do you miss her?" Cassie brings a finger up to Rue's nose and traces her facial structure starting from her nose bridge going all the way to her jawline. Rue's eyebrows furrow and she studies Cassie face, wondering if she's dreaming out loud or something for a second.

"Who?"

"Jules. Do you miss her? I know you don't want to talk about it but you never really told us what happened. She seemed weird earlier... like she just hasn't seen you in a while because of distance or something. Not because she broke your heart."

"How do you know if she broke my heart?"

Cassie gives Rue a knowing look and Rue sighs. Cassie's hand travels from Rue's face to one of her hands and she gives her a reassuring squeeze.

"You don't have to say anything. I'm sorry I asked."

"No... It's okay. I do miss her. A whole fucking lot, you know?" Seeing Cassie nod gives Rue some courage to keep on. "You're right, earlier she did seem different. I don't know what's going on with Jules. I never did, really. She's just so- so, ugh, she's-"

"- Confusing?"

"Yeah," Rue chuckles tightening her grip on Cassie's hand. "She's confusing. She did break my heart. I've just been trying to ignore it, though. All of it. My feelings, any contact with Jules, I've even avoided social media so that I don't see her. We have a lot of mutual friends sadly."

"Yeah but you don't have to, Rue," Cassie says sternly, tugging on Rue's hand so that she looks at her. "Seriously, we're here for you. Me and Lex. We're here."

"Trust me, I know... I don't know what I would do without you guys."

"Survive, probably. You're a survivor."

"I don't know about that," Rue smiles softly at Cassie's words. She's a really fucking good friend.

"You are. You'll see one day. How does sleep sound?"

"So fucking good."

Despite Rue meaning what she said about sleep sounding good, she can't sleep. Not with Jules on her mind. Should she hang out with her, try to catch up? Jules genuinely did seem to miss her. Plus what the hell is going on with Maddy? Out of all of the legal majors in New York Maddy reaches out to her? Fucking weird.

Rue's thoughts get interrupted by Cassie's snoring and she jumps, startled by the loud noise. She opens her mouth to complain but for once she's distracted from her thoughts.

For once, Rue Bennett appreciates Cassie's snoring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a little intense but bear with me. as always, feedback is appreciated!


	3. Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maddy moves in and jules meets someone new!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: use of drugs (skip to the next dashed lines after Anna introduces herself if u need to skip this part!)
> 
> a short but important chap! i'm not exactly sure of their pronouns in the show, but in this fic, TC's pronouns are they/them while Anna's are she/they!!

"Feeling better?"

Jules groans, throwing her hand over Kat's mouth. "Shhh. Pounding. Head. Hurts. Shh."

Kat licks Jules's palm and the blonde jolts away, grimacing at her friend.

"_Eww_, what the fuck, Kat?"

"Well, maybe next time you won't put your hand across people's mouth."

"My head is pounding, I promise you I do not have the time for this," Jules groans again as she throws her feet over the side of the bed and forces herself up. Her body feels like a bag of bricks. "I'm so glad I don't have class today."

"Same."

"Kat, when do you ever have class?" Jules chuckles and throws the cover over Kat's head.

Kat tussles to get it off of her before she successfully yanks the sheet down, rolling out of bed. Kat scoffs, "I have a class like every day during the week. I just don't always go..."

"Wow, educational role model," Jules sarcastically gushes and strips out of her shirt. Kat shrugs her shoulders and wanders out of the room to look for some breakfast.

Jules makes her way to the bathroom and turns the shower on, letting it run for a few minutes so that it can get hot. While she waits she sends Maddy a text, letting her know the apartment address.

_Maddy: thx, sexy! see u soon, mwah._

She shakes her head at the response and takes her underwear off before climbing into the shower. Immediately, the water wakes her up and helps soothe the throbbing headache she has going on right now. She lets out a peaceful sigh and sinks to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. The water pours over her face and for a second Jules feels like she's drowning. She slows her breathing and allows her body to relax, focusing on how relaxing the water feels and sounds.

This is the most at peace she has been in a while- with her head underwater and the noise in the background just a little louder than her thoughts.

"Jules? Jules, are you in there masturbating?" Kat bangs on the bathroom door.

"What?" Jules exclaims and turns her head towards the door, forgetting that the water is pouring down on her. She accidentally breathes in some water and panics, which causes water to flood her mouth, and starts choking and flailing around, trying to stand up.

"Oh, my- Jules are you choking? Oh my god, I'm coming in!" Kat warns before she busts into the bathroom and slides the shower curtain back.

Jules bends over and coughs the remaining water out of her mouth before yelping when Kat slides the curtain back, moving to cover herself.

"For fuck's sake, Kat!"

"Sorry! I thought you were dying."

"I _was_ and it's because of you. What do you want?"

"Maddy's here. With some bags. Like, a lot of bags. She needs our help."

"Okay, I'll be out in a minute," Jules sighs. "Can you close the fucking curtain? Geeze."

"Well, when you say it like that." Kat rolls her eyes and makes her way out of the bathroom to wait for Jules.

Maddy struggles to get through the door, pulling at least five bags through with her. Kat watches curiously, pushing her glasses up so they don't slip off.

"Seriously, Kat? Thanks for the fucking help!"

"Sorry." Kat stands and approaches Maddy. "I had to tell Jules you were here and then... well, that's my only excuse, really."

Maddy rolls her eyes and grabs Kat's wrist, tugging her into the hallway. "Well, we're almost done since you two took so fucking long. Here, grab this." She passes two duffle bags to Kat and takes two herself, trudging into the living room.

When they walk in they're met with Jules leaning against the wall, mouth agape. She takes in all of the bags scattered across her floor and takes a deep breath.

"I wasn't aware that moving in required... so many bags. Aren't you coming from a dorm, where did you even keep this shit?"

"Don't worry, I have, like, a really good storage system. My truck will be here soon with my furniture." Maddy takes a moment to look around the apartment and grimaces a bit. "God, for someone who has such a bold style it sure is bland in here. Don't worry, we'll fix it."

"Oh, it's fine--"

"-- Jules, don't worry."

Jules closes her mouth and nods her head, not in the mood to defy Maddy right now. "Okay, sure. How about I give you a tour?"

**___**

"Wait, what the fuck?" Kat pauses to finish chewing her food and throws her head back, moaning at how good it is. "Why is this actually so good?"

Turns out Maddy can cook. They're currently huddled up on Maddy's bed eating the pasta that the shorter girl whipped up. All of her furniture arrived awhile ago and they've been helping her set up her room and other items all day.

"No, seriously. This is like the best food I've had in a while. Maybe being your roommate won't be so bad after all," Jules grins and bumps Maddy's shoulder.

"Hey! I can cook. I just don't do it often," Maddy shrugs and smirks. "Don't expect me to be your housewife, Jules."

"Please, I would never. You can just be my normal wife."

All three of them laugh and Jules leans on Maddy's shoulder, letting out a yawn.

"I'm beat. Sorting out all of your shit really tired me out."

"Bitch, get up. We have to go out tonight!"

"Have to?"

"Yes, Kat, have to! It's my first night here and we should totally celebrate."

"Exactly, shouldn't you want to celebrate by putting on a movie and relaxing or something? Better yet, some homework?" Jules suggests. "I know you have homework."

"Okay, yeah, but so what? I know this dope club that we can get into for free! It's the weekend! Don't tell me you bitches are lame."

"Maddy, we literally went to a party last night," Kat points out. "But... I'm down."

"Yes!" Maddy squeals and reaches over to hug Kat, pretty much climbing over Jules. She situates herself on Kat's lap and pouts at Jules. "C'mon, Jules. It'll be fun."

"You know what? Fine! I'll go. Damn. But you're buying my drinks!"

"Fair," Maddy nods and stands up, collecting everyone's plates. "Okay, start getting dressed bitches- wait, Kat, do you even have clothes here?"

Jules scoffs and stands up. "Does she even have clothes here? Please, she's taken over an entire drawer of my dresser."

"So then why don't you just move in?"

"I don't know, I guess we've never thought about it," Kat shrugs and Jules nods, reaching out to help her up. "Maybe I will one day and move a blowup bed into your room, Maddy."

Maddy knows she means it jokingly but she likes having Kat around. "I wouldn't mind." She smiles and makes her way to the kitchen.

"Just promise me you won't have as many bags as Maddy," Jules jokes, squeezing Kat's shoulder. Jules definitely wouldn't mind having her best friend move in. She knows that Kat isn't working right now and that's probably a huge reason why she didn't suggest herself moving in but she knows that Kat's searching for a job right now and Jules doesn't mind helping her out until she finds one.

But a dorm room, meal plan, and annoying roommate will have to do for now. It's actually not too bad for Kat since she crashes at Jules most of the time anyway. Maybe she'll start dominating or camming again. It's actually not a bad idea...

"Kat? Are you coming?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry, yeah."

"You kind of zoned out for a second there... you alright? Thinking about seriously moving in now?"

"Nah," Kat follows Jules into her bedroom. "I mean, yeah. Kind of. It would be nice but you know I'm not working right now. Plus it's kind of a full house already." Kat leans in to whisper this last part, "But what if I started my dom work again? I was loaded in high school."

"I mean, yeah, it's like super quick cash but... You don't have to do that, Kat. At least not just to move in- I got you until you find a job. We would figure it out."

"Not to move in, just- I need cash to survive, Jules. To maintain a social life. I love you and appreciate you very much, but I don't even know if moving in is something I wanna do. At least not right now. But thank you," Kat kisses Jules on the cheek and makes her way over to her drawer.

Jules smiles and opens her closet, throwing a few outfit options out. "Love you. How does this one look?"

**___**

"This place is crowded, Maddy." Kat shoves her way next to Maddy and Jules in line and rolls her eyes. "If anyone touches my ass I'm swinging."

"I'm with you on that one," Maddy agrees while applying her go-to cherry-flavored lip gloss.

"We're almost in. This better be _so_ worth the wait." Jules butts in, adjusting her shirt. "There are men old enough to be my great grandfather eyeing me down. I need a bottle."

"Isn't that your type?" Maddy grins and Jules raises her middle finger.

"Fuck off."

The group in front of them makes it inside and Maddy tilts her head at the guard and he quickly gestures for her and the others to enter. Jules and Kat, totally confused by what just happened, look at each other and burst out laughing.

"Okay, that was fucking awesome."

"What the fuck just happened?"

"Don't worry about it. We're in! Let's dance." Maddy grabs them by the arms and leads them into the sweaty crowd that's currently dancing to a catchy pop song that Jules doesn't even know the name to.

"Jules?"

Jules turns around and is met with TC, her friend from the city that she lived in before moving to East Highland. Kat eyes them curiously but keeps dancing with Maddy.

"TC? What the fuck are you doing here? Oh my god!" She pushes her way through the few people in between her and TC and pulls them into a hug. "Ah, you look great!"

"My roommate and I are in town for the week. I was going to text you tomorrow, we just got into town earlier."

"We have to hang out. Where are you staying?"

"We're crashing with a friend of mine," Anna interrupts their conversation, appearing next to TC. "You must be Jules. I'm Anna."

"Hi," Jules beams. Anna is stunning. She wonders how long they've been roommates and why TC hasn't mentioned her sooner. "Jules is me."

Anna chuckles and grabs one of Jule's hands and then one of TC's hands, leading them to the bathroom. Jules throws a look back towards Kat and Maddy and notices Kat mouthing someone like 'what the fuck?' while Maddy is too caught up dancing to notice she's being lead away. Jules shrugs at Kat but gives her a thumbs up with her free hand before being pulled into the bathroom.

Once they're inside Anna pulls out a small plastic baggy and places a few pills on the counter, crushing them up. Jules glances at TC and then back at Anna. She chuckles nervously and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

Did Anna really drag her into this dirty ass, packed, bathroom just to do drugs? On the filthy counter, at that? Jules wonders how many diseases she's bound to catch just by standing near it.

Anna sniffs the first line up, moving over so someone else can take the next line. TC steps forward and inhales the next line, grimacing.

"Uh, what is that?"

Anna looks at Jules then down at the baggie and shrugs her shoulders. "I'm not sure. It's fun though," She laughs and TC nods in agreement.

"It's cool, Jules. It'll help us levitate and shit."

"But neither of you know what it is?" Jules looks between the two skeptically.

They both shake their head and Jules thinks about the time she and Rue got high together. She shakes her head, trying to push the memory out of her mind, and steps forward.

"Fuck it."

___

"You know, I feel like you get me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jules hits the blunt before passing it to Anna. "Totally."

"You sure you're not just saying that because we just hooked up?"

Jules laughs and rolls her head so that she can meet Anna's eyes.

"I'm sure. It's just, like, you're easy. You're easy to talk to, to be with... you're just easy."

Anna hums and passes the joint back. "And everyone else is hard?"

Jules contemplates the question, thinking about everyone else in her life. It's not a lie. Compared to her friends, family, and even her post hookups, Anna is the easiest person that Jules has ever met. No hard questions asked, no commitment, no putting herself down to be enough for Anna, none of that. Just fun... just easy.

"Yeah, kind of."

"Well," Anna props her arm up, resting her head in the palm of her hand. "Sometimes hard is good. Sometimes it's just worth it, you know?"

"Trust me," Jules groans. "I get that more than I should."

"Well, you're right. This doesn't have to be hard. It can be easy. Fun. Besides, I'm only in town for a few days anyway."

"Exactly!" Jules laughs and follows the cloud of smoke that escapes her with her eyes. "You get me."

"I get you."


	4. Assholes Like Nate Jacobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rue and maddy have a tutor session (s/o to my pre-law majors!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another somewhat quick but important chapter. enjoy!

Rue groans and slaps at the hair splayed across her face. She rolls over, trying to find a comfortable position, before rolling over again to avoid the bright light coming from the window.

"Just five more minutes," She mumbles to herself.

"Rue!" Cassie barges in, yanking the covers off of Rue. "Get up."

"Cassie, what the fuck! It's like ten a.m!"

"It's two in the afternoon, Rue. Get the fuck up," Cassie tugs on her arm and Rue shakes her off before pulling herself up.

"Why are you waking me up? Why," Rue whines. She paddles over to her dresser and pulls out underwear and a towel.

"Because it's Saturday afternoon and you've basically been sleeping since you got out of class yesterday. Get your ass up, shower, eat, and get some fresh air!"

"Are you trying to tell me I smell?"

"Yes. You _reek_ of sweat right now. I have a few meetings today but when I get home I expect to hear _all_ about your eventful day. Later, Rue Rue."

Rue groans again before leaving the room as well, making her way to the bathroom. Luckily no one else is taking a shower at two in the afternoon so Rue takes her time, letting the water run over her head for a while until her head is clear and she feels steady enough to get out.

The real reason why she's decided to waste most of her weekend- because who really counts _Sunday_ as the weekend?- sleeping is that after running into Jules and Kat at the party, everything seems ten times more overwhelming for Rue.

For some people, running into an old friend, or lover- whatever the fuck- isn't a big deal. For some, it's even a good thing. For Rue... it has thrown everything off for her. Even though it was an entire week ago, she can't think clearly or for too long without wondering about Jules and reminiscing about high school. And between trying to get through her legal ethics homework, college algebra quizzes, and maintain basic hygiene this past week, Rue is more than tired. So yeah, maybe she slept all weekend, but at least she deserves it.

After throwing on some sweats and a t-shirt after getting back in her dorm room, Rue pulls out her phone to check for any important notifications she missed while sleeping.

_Lexi: Rue, call me!_

_Gia: hey can u give me that website u use for the math answers?_

_Mom: Love you, Rue. Call me when you're free._

Rue smiles at the messages and shoots Gia and her mom a few quick replies. She'll get back to Lexi later. She opens Instagram to see how everyone else spent their weekend and isn't surprised to see her timeline flooded with posts of parties, alcohol, and morning-after selfies. Rue rolls her eyes before noticing a post that makes her smile a bit and she immediately closes the app and opens her contact list.

The screen displays her face and she grimaces at how tired she looks, pulling the camera away from her a little. She lays back on her bed, hair splayed across her pillow, as she waits for the FaceTime call to connect.

"Yo, little sis!"

"Fez!"

"What the fuck is up, Rue?" Fez chuckles and appears to be sitting on the couch.

"Fez, I fucking- Dude school has me fucked up. I'm so sick of homework and testing but midterms are soon. I slept literally all weekend," Rue grunts and throws a hand over her face. "I went to a party last weekend."

"Oh yeah? Then what happened?" Fez tilts his head, knowing Rue wouldn't bring the party up if nothing significant happened.

"Well, I saw Jules and Kat. Me and Kat are planning to catch up soon."

"Word? You not fucking with Jules?" Fez raises his brows. Rue furrows her brows and shakes her head.

"You know what happened between us. I don't think I'm really ready to talk to her again. I mean, she was like begging me to talk to her and catch up and shit but I don't know. Do you think I should?" Rue sits up and uses her free hand to brush her hair back.

"I don't know, man. You just gotta follow your heart and shit, kid. Like, if you feel like you gotta hear her out then you know that's what you gotta do. I know shit went down between y'all but maybe y'all can get past it. Either way, you know I'm here for you, sis. Jules is cool and all but if you need me to flash my gun at her I got you."

Rue laughs and nods, thinking about what Fez is saying. He's right, maybe they can get past what happened between them, especially if Jules is reaching out and seems to really want to talk to Rue. She shakes her thoughts off and smiles at Fez.

"Thanks, Fez. I love you. How are you doing in that hellhole?"

Fez chuckles again and shrugs. "You know. Chillin' and shit. Nothing new, business is good."

"Rue? Man, yo ass disappeared! Not gonna lie, I been thinking you were dead. Again."

"Hey, prick," Rue laughs and flicks Ashtray off. "I'm at fucking school, you know, where you should be?"

"It's four p.m. School is dismissed." Ashtray corrects her, taking the phone from Fez.

"Whatever."

Fez snatches the phone from his little brother and Rue can't make out what he says but she believes it's along the lines of "Get the hell out of here," since Ashtray leaves the room.

"Alright, Rue. I love you and all but I gotta go. Ima call you later so don't do no dumb shit, okay?"

Before Rue can respond Fez hangs up and she throws her phone on her bed, face contorting into a goofy expression as she mocks him. "_Don't do no dumb shit_, _okay._"

She falls back onto her pillow again, looking around the very quiet and very empty room. 

Everyone is busy- well, they're actually probably not but Rue doesn't have the guts to ask anyone to hang out because she doesn't want to burden them or interrupt if they _are _busy. She pulls her lip into her mouth, wondering what to do next.

Homework is out of the question because one, her precious brain is fried, and two, it's complete. Surprisingly, Rue has made a habit of completing all of her homework by Friday afternoon so she truly has the weekend off. Cassie's out, probably at one of her meetings. She runs like a dozen clubs Rue has no interest in joining. She totally supports their causes though.

Rue would call Lexi but she's currently hanging out with some other friends according to her Instagram story, so Rue will just hit her up later.

Other than that, Rue doesn't really have any other friends. Well, like, she has friends. But friends she has the energy to hang out with? None, besides the ones she's already super close with.

Rue suddenly gets an idea and sits up, scrambling for her phone that's lost somewhere in the covers of her unmade bed. Once she finds it she opens her messages with Maddy and shoots her a text.

_Rue: Still wanna learn some top-secret info?_

_Maddy: what? lol_

_Maddy: oh. yeah. come teach me ur ways, Bennett_

Rue grins at her screen and jumps out of bed. Finally, something for her to do that not only involves social interaction but productivity. It's a double win, really. She grabs a hoodie, her keycard, and her backpack before making her way out of the dorm.

_Rue: On my way!_

_Rue: Shit. I meant omw._

The walk to Maddy's apartment isn't as long as Rue thought it was going to be. Rue could've taken an uber or something but she figured she might as well think about what she's going to teach Maddy and walks help her think. She definitely didn't expect Maddy to be so close to her.

Rue brings her hand up and knocks on the door softly, shuffling her feet. The other side of the door is silent and Rue checks her phone again, making sure she's at the right address. She shifts uncomfortably before raising her hand to knock again, this time harder.

"Fuck, hold on!" Maddy shouts before yanking the door open. She's in a towel and Rue shields her eyes, stumbling inside of the apartment.

"Seriously? I told you I was on my way."

"Okay, and I was in the shower? Can I not take showers now?"

"Whatever. Can you just get dressed so we can start?"

"Sure. You can uncover your eyes, by the way," Maddy smirks and pulls Rue's hands away from her face before heading into her bedroom to change. At least Rue hopes so.

The taller girl takes the time to look around the apartment and notices the lack of rhinestones, the color pink, and fluffy, furry, items that the place has. The only traces of Maddy are her jackets hanging all over the living room, her incomplete photo collages, and the trace of her perfume that's lingering in the air. Rue is sure her bedroom tells a different story.

"This place isn't really you, huh?" Rue shouts so that Maddy can hear her. It's more of a statement than a question.

Maddy laughs and pops her head out of her room. "No, not yet. My roommate wasn't really feeling the whole decorating thing, but I promise you the next time you come over it'll be less... bland."

"What if I come back tomorrow, though?"

"You won't."

"Why not?"

"Something tells me you didn't really wanna come today. You forgot about me, didn't you?"

"Well, it's not that I didn't wanna come today," Rue stammers and advances towards Maddy. "I just woke up really late and didn't know what to do for a while and—"

"—And forgot about me?" Maddy repeats, grinning. Rue chews on her lip, avoiding looking at Maddy. She nods lightly.

"Yeah. Sorry. I guess I kinda did," Rue confesses, grimacing.

Maddy laughs again and reaches out to grab Rue's sleeve, pulling her into her bedroom. "It's okay, Rue. Oh, and I'm dressed now. So let's begin."

Rue looks around Maddy's room and she was definitely right, it tells an entirely different story than the living room. Maddy's room is colorful and filled with furry pillows just as she predicted. Her desk is cluttered with makeup and perfumes and the entire room kind of gives off a... soft aurora, Rue can say.

"It's... bright in here."

"Not all of us are gothic, Rue."

"I'm actually far from gothic. But I get your point," Rue shrugs her backpack off and pulls out her laptop. She makes herself comfortable on Maddy's bed and opens the notes she took specifically for helping Maddy.

"Disclaimer: I don't know everything, but I can help you learn the basics and tell you what else you can do to learn more about law or whatever. Sound good?"

"Sure. Can you, like, go to jail for helping me learn?"

Rue furrows her brows and stares at Maddy blankly.

"What?"

"Like... unauthorized practice?"

"So you already know some of the law," Rue points out and tilts her head at Maddy. She shrugs and scoots closer to Rue so that she can see her laptop screen. "But to answer your question, I'm not giving you legal advice or anything. Just passing you my notes, technically. And I wouldn't go to jail, I would be sanctioned."

Maddy nods and pulls her legs underneath her, grabbing a notebook. She flips it open to an empty page and waits for Rue to begin.

Rue pauses and hesitates, pulling up the rest of the files she needs.

"Just. Don't tell anyone, just in case." She glances at Maddy nervously and clears her throat.

"Whatever, my mouth is sealed. So teach me about charges."

**___**

"I don't get it. So you don't need evidence?"

Rue brings her hands up to her face and groans, exasperated. "You're not fucking listening Maddy!"

"I am! I just don't get how sometimes the entire thing depends on evidence and then sometimes you don't even need any, like what the fuck?" Maddy holds out a hand, nose crinkled.

"No, you're not listening. You're too busy on your fucking phone. I need a break." Rue stands and tugs on a loose strand of hair, finding her way to the kitchen.

Her and Maddy have been going over Rue's notes for a few hours now, and this whole tutoring thing is way harder than she thought it would be. She's not sure if it's her or Maddy. Or the combination. But Rue is _this_ close to jumping out of Maddy's bedroom window.

After raiding the kitchen to find everything she needs for cereal, Rue reaches up to grab a bowl from the cabinet and fetches the milk from the fridge. She grabs the Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the counter next to the fridge and fills her bowl, turning around so that she can lean on the counter.

While she eats she thinks about if she wants to even waste her time trying to help Maddy get the rest of the notes. She could just leave the notes with Maddy and tell her what else she could do to try and figure it out, but that would be kind of fucked-up because she knows how confusing the material can be without guidance or experience.

Her thoughts are interrupted when the front door swings open and cheery laughter floods into the apartment. Rue cocks her head, trying to see around the wall that's blocking her view of who just entered.

"Shit, I can't believe that just happened! You're such a dumbass." An unfamiliar voice draws closer and Rue raises a brow, wondering what they're talking about. She takes another mouthful of cereal into her mouth and chokes a little when she notices who enters the kitchen.

Jules bounces into the kitchen and drops her keys into a dish that's on the counter closest to the wall. Her smile falters when she notices Rue leaning on her counter.

"Rue?"

"Jules... Surprise."

"What're you doing here?" Jules stammers.

Anna enters the kitchen and stands next to Jules with a curious look on her face. She places a hand on Jule's back. Rue notices and squints at her, chewing slowly to avoid choking again.

"Hey. I'm Anna."

"Cool. I'm Rue," Rue introduces herself once she's done chewing. She eats another spoonful before answering Jules' question. "Don't worry, I was just leaving." She raises her brows and offers a fake smile before turning around to rinse her dish.

"What?" Maddy exclaims, storming out of her room. "You can't leave yet."

Rue throws a curious glance over her shoulder before sighing and turning around again to face Maddy. "Don't you have plans?"

"Yeah but we have time," Maddy argues, placing a hand on her hip. "Hey, Jules and random. Are you the one that's been making all of that noise every night?"

"Maddy!" Jules throws an apple at Maddy. "Oh my god, literally shut the fuck up."

Maddy catches the apple and shrugs at Jules. Her face is red as fuck right now. Rue lets out a small huff and walks away from the counter.

"Rue, you don't have to leave. I was just shocked to see you here. I wasn't aware you and Maddy were friends. Anna and I can go. You look comfortable anyway," Jules laughs awkwardly and Rue realizes that her hoodie is thrown somewhere on Maddy's floor and she managed to tie her hair up into a knot sometime during their study session. She shuffles and tugs her t-shirt down.

"What? Don't be fucking stupid Jules that doesn't even make any sense. Why would you leave your own place? Rue and I are fine. Right Rue?"

"Oh. So you're the roommate," Rue nods her head, realizing that makes much more sense. "I guess that makes sense. I'm fine. Stay."

Yeah, Rue is never coming back here.

"See, we're good. Come on Rue, I need help picking a shirt."

Rue spares another glance at Anna and Jules before following Maddy back into her bedroom. Jules bites on her bottom lip as if she's holding back from saying something but is pulled out of her thoughts when Anna speaks again.

"So, should we head to your room or what?"

___

Maddy throws a few cropped tops at Rue and starts to change. "Which one goes best with this skirt? Oh, and you can keep explaining what we were going over before your snack break."

"Maddy, I'm not going to break down an entire legal concept while you change," Rue scoffs and rolls her eyes. "But this white one." She throws the white top in Maddy's direction.

"Why not? I can multitask, Rue. If you're gonna be my tutor you gotta adapt to how I learn. Even if that includes texting, makeup, and Instagram."

Rue doesn't respond, she just rolls her eyes and flops back onto the bed. She unlocks her phone so that she can check her messages. None. That's great.

"Can I ask you something?" Maddy asks while still facing herself in the mirror.

Rue rolls her head over so that she's looking at the shorter girl and Maddy notices that she's turned towards her and takes that as her cue to continue.

"Why did you choose to study the law? Out of all things? If I'm being honest, I never thought you would choose to become a legal studies major."

"If you really wanna be honest, you never thought I would make it to college," Rue calls Maddy out and she remains silent, adjusting her outfit in the mirror. "It's okay. I thought the same, to be honest. Especially senior year."

Maddy recalls how Rue was behaving senior year and remembers how she and Jules barely spoke that year. That must've been hard for her.

"You wanna know why I chose to study the law? Because of assholes like Nate Jacobs."

Maddy turns around to look at Rue and Rue meets her gaze, sitting up and clenching her jaw.

"I hate Nate. He fucked with me and people I really fucking care about. I hate people like Nate. I plan to put fuckers like him in jail and help people like Jules. And you. That are victims of that psycho."

Maddy clears her throat and nods, sitting down next to Rue. "Yeah. That makes sense."

"Why didn't you? If you want to learn the law so bad, then do it."

"I go to a fashion school, Rue. I go to school with Jules. It's not like I want to be a lawyer or something, I just... I don't know, it's like, good to know."

Rue furrows her brows but nods her head anyway and shrugs her shoulders, shoving Maddy playfully. "Well, if you change your mind, I think you'd be a great lawyer."

Maddy smiles at Rue and shoves her back. "Thanks."

"So, who are you going out with? You look good."

"Oh yeah?" Maddy stands up and dances in front of Rue. Rue laughs and shakes her head, throwing a pillow at her. Maddy laughs with her but looks down when their laughter dies out.

"Um, don't be mad."

"Why would I be mad?"

"I'm going on a date with Nate."

Rue's smile drops and she stands up, staring at Maddy.

"You're fucking kidding, right?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that facetime call w fez tho. 
> 
> as always, feedback is appreciated. i'm going to try and update once a week so, til then (did u catch tht euphoria reference?)!


	5. Is it the Decorations?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rules tickling session and the gang links

"Hey, Lex. You look..."

"Wow, thanks."

"I didn't even finish! I mean, I _was _going to say you look tired, but you also look beautiful! You know, It's just something about the way your hair kind of frizzes up when you're tired that makes—"

"— Just quit while you're ahead. I get it, I look like shit. I'm exhausted. I just came from a lecture hall. But at least it's Friday, right?" Lexi rolls her eyes.

"Exactly! Are you ready for our meetings, tomorrow?"

"Yup. Yay, female empowerment and gay-straight alliance, here we come!" Lexi cheers dryly, standing up from their booth in the cafeteria. Cassie frowns at her and grabs her hand, stopping her from leaving.

"Hey, you okay? You seem off. You're always excited about female empowerment and GSA."

Maybe it's because of all the psych and soc classes she's been taking lately, but it's sort of like Cassie just has an extra sense for these things now. She just knows when someone is upset. It's kind of her thing. Plus, she does a damn good job of giving advice. The goal is to earn a degree in business management, minoring in social studies, and eventually start her own non-profit to fight against all of the many social injustices going on today. Particularly focusing on advocating for gender and race equality, though.

"Fine," Lexi dismisses her and shrugs her off. "I'm gonna go take a nap, okay?"

Cassie nods but still wears a frown. "I'm gonna come check on you in a bit, Lex." She watches her little sister walk away and sighs, letting her head fall into her hands.

Lexi is totally not okay, but Cassie doesn't want to push her. If she does, then Lexi will just ignore everyone until she pushes whatever she's feeling deep enough down to ignore it for a while and go back to her cheery routine. Cassie can see through all of that bullshit, though. She's gonna figure out whatever's going on and do her best to fix it. Lexi doesn't deserve to be upset.

It's quite heroic of her, actually. Despite having multiple clubs to run around campus, an internship to complete, and actually working on completing her degree, Cassie still finds time to be a good sister (at least she thinks and hopes so) and make sure Lexi's not slipping.

Or is that just what a good sister does? 

Look, either way, she knows. You can give her all of her awards now.

Then again... what else is she going to do? After she started this whole 'best Cassie' phase of her life things haven't exactly been exciting. She knows a little dullness is what she needs after partying hard during high school but like, this is a different type of emptiness. She has goals and is achieving them, but at the end of the day when she goes home to that sad little dorm- that Rue tends to make way more enjoyable- she feels empty. Like she's not really going anywhere. It's ironic how she tries to fix everyone else's problems but she just can't seem to fix her own.

Maybe she needs to try dating again. Yeah, Cassie swore to herself she wasn't going to date during college but like- It's been a few years since she's had a relationship. Like, at all. Not even something casual. She's dying here.

Sex is fun and all but... it's just not fun _enough_. Cassie did expand her choices of partners, though. Since she has been in college she's slept with a few women and might even have a crush on a beautiful lady that makes her heart-eyes activate instantly.

But it's complicated. And frustrating. Considering that the person she may or may not be crushing on is the same person she's hooking up with lately. And she makes _everything_ so fucking complicated.

"Sup," Rue throws her plate down. "Where is Lexi at?"

"Napping. Allegedly."

"Cool," Rue nods and bites into her burger. Cassie watches as she eats, zoning out a little bit. Rue furrows her brows and looks around, trying to ignore Cassie's stare.

"Okay, what the fuck?"

"Huh?"

"Earth to Cassie, stop fucking staring at me!"

"Sorry," Cassie mumbles and shakes her head. She leans closer to Rue, "Hey, do you wanna go out tonight? Me, you, Kat, Lex."

"Sure."

"Don't worry we don't- Wait did you just say sure? As in you'll come? _What_?" Cassie drags out the word, unbelieving. She's grinning and Rue looks at her weirdly.

"What? Do I really complain about going out that much?"

"Yes!"

"Well, midterms are over. Let's celebrate to that," Rue raises her hand for a high-five and Cassie meets it, cheering.

"Lets. I'll let Kat know the plan and you work on getting Lexi to come, okay?"

"Wait, what? Why?"

"Because it's the hardest part and Lexi has a soft spot for you. She's in a mood."

Rue groans but nods, knowing that Cassie is right.

___

"Hey, Lex."

Lexi groans in reply, not moving from her position lying face-down on her bed.

"Lexiii," Rue draws out trying to evoke a reaction from her. "Lexiroo. Lexi-bug, Lex-lex, Lexitron, Le—"

"— Please, shut the fuck up, Rue. I get it, I'm up." She rolls over so that she can face Rue.

Rue can't help but bust out laughing at Lexi's annoyed face. She fakes a pout and climbs into bed with Lexi, throwing an arm around her.

"What's wrong, Lexi-bug?"

"Please don't," Lexi laughs, "I think that might be the worst one."

"Really? Worse than Lexitron?"

"Okay. True."

Rue smiles and scoots closer so that her and Lexi's foreheads are practically touching. Lexi's breath hitches but she takes a deep breath, relaxing into Rue's arms.

"You stressed?"

"I don't know... I just woke up kinda tired. I'm not sad or anything, just tired. I don't have anything to be upset about. School is good, my social life is probably at its peak-" Rue laughs at this, "- and... I don't know. I just need rest."

"Okay," Rue nods, not wanting to push her any further. Her hand moves to rub soothing patterns on Lexi's back. "But just so you know, you don't always need a reason to be sad. Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes we get sad over shit from a long time ago or shit we don't even realize we're upset about. Brains are weird like that sometimes. But it happens, and it's okay. I love you and I'm here for you always, okay? Cassie too."

Lexi can't muster up the energy to respond to that but she squeezes Rue's arm to let her know she understands and appreciates her. She nuzzles her head into Rue's shoulder.

"Cassie and I are going out later. Probably Kat too. Wanna come? We can nap first."

"Okay," Lexi mumbles, already on her way to sleep.

"Oh, and, Lexi-bug wins, right?"

Lexi laughs and hits Rue's shoulder. "Oh my god, go to sleep."

___

By the time Cassie makes it to Lexi's dorm, it's six p.m. and Rue and Lexi barely have any time to get ready. She didn't mean to check up on Lexi so late, she just got caught up talking to Kat... and may have started getting herself ready.

"Lexi-" Cassie gasps and pulls out her phone. "Aww! Oh my god, this is so cute!" She squeals as she takes pictures of Rue and Lexi cuddled up, sleeping. Rue bolts awake because of her squealing and glares at her.

"Seriously?"

"Rue, I didn't know you would still be here."

Rue shushes her, trying her best not to wake Lexi up. She carefully rolls Lexi off of her and walks up to Cassie.

"Lexi is sleeping, did you have to come in here yelling? What time is it anyway?"

"Oh yeah, you two need to get ready, like, now. It's like six something and I told Kat we would meet up at seven-thirty-ish."

"What?" Now it's Rue's turn to yell. "Why the fuck are you letting us know so late?"

Rue notices that Cassie's dressed and her makeup is done and rolls her eyes.

"Oh, come on!" She throws her arms up.

"Sorry! I lost track of time, I swear. It's not like you make a big deal out of makeup and getting dressed anyway. I'll help Lexi get ready so she'll be quick. Now, how about you go and get dressed while I wake Lex up?"

Rue flicks Cassie off as she walks past her and out of the room to go get herself ready. Cassie shakes her head and jumps on Lexi's bed, shaking her sister awake. Lexi groans and slaps her away.

"What do you want?"

"Time to get dressed. We're leaving soon. Want me to help you choose an outfit?"

"Yeah, can you just pull out one of my red dresses?"

"Ooo," Cassie swoons, "We're going red. That's bold of you. Trying to impress a certain tall brunette?"

"What?" Lexi's head snaps towards Cassie. She picks up her makeup bag and sits at her desk. "What are you talking about?"

"So you're not crushing on Rue? Again?"

"No. I'm not. And even if I was, would it matter? She's obviously not into me."

"Says who? She came to check on you right?"

"Because you told her to, obviously. She wouldn't have if you didn't ask her to convince me to come out." Lexi rethinks her choice of words. "Tonight. With you guys."

Cassie puckers her lips, shaking her head. "I did ask her to. But she even fell asleep with you Lex, literally wrapped around you! Obviously, she came because she's concerned too. She cares about you."

Lexi thinks about what Cassie's saying while she continues to do her makeup. Even if Rue does care about her that doesn't mean she _likes _her. Lexi doesn't even know if she _likes _Rue. So it really doesn't matter anyway. Friends can fall asleep together, it happens all of the time. Cassie and Lexi fall asleep cuddling sometimes. Big deal.

"Plus, you know Rue isn't going to do something if she doesn't want to. She wanted to come and check up on her boo!"

Lexi squints and turns around to hurl a makeup brush at Cassie. It hits her on the forehead.

"Ow! You better hope that doesn't leave a mark!"

___

"You look good, Lexitron."

"Rue, I will literally push you into the incoming traffic." Lexi glares at Rue and their Uber driver glances back at them through the overhead mirror. Rue grins at Lexi.

"I'm confused." Cassie laughs. Since when did Rue have pet names for Lexi? Such shitty ones at that.

"Don't ask," Lexi warns. "Are we almost there?"

"Yeah, like about to pull up. Kat says she's almost ready but we're gonna sit around for a few minutes and just call another Uber. Cool?"

"Cool," Lexi agrees. Rue furrows her brows and is about to say something when their car stops and Cassie throws the door open.

"Let's go!"

They pile out of the car and Cassie looks around trying to find the entrance and Rue feels like throwing up when she realizes where they are.

"Again? Seriously? What is this, the fucking shelter?" She mutters and trudges up to the door.

"You know where you're going?"

"Yeah, sadly I've been here before. This is Jules' apartment. Well, Jules and Maddy. Why are we here?"

"This is the address Kat gave me!"

"So an ambush?" Lexi questions, following Rue up the steps. "Should I get into my fighting stance?"

"That might do more harm than good for you, so no, you shouldn't," Cassie suggests and pushes Lexi's fists down.

"Maybe she lives here too. Like I said, the shelter."

Rue goes to knock when the door is flung open, Kat standing on the other side with a grin.

"Hey, bitches!" She greets and pulls them into the apartment.

Cassie pulls Kat into a hug and kisses her on the cheek. "Hey, beautiful."

Lexi and Rue exchange a 'what the fuck?' look and Lexi shrugs her shoulders.

Cassie and Kat fall into a conversation while Rue and Lexi move to sit on the couch. Lexi clears her throat and they stop talking, turning to look at her.

"You're not dressed, Kat."

"Oh yeah. Sorry, I have my clothes out already so I'll be ready in like two seconds- Oh! Jules and Maddy are gonna join us, is that okay?" Kat reveals but is already making her way into Jules' bedroom. Lexi glances at Rue and Rue sinks into the couch, covering her face.

"Sorry," Cassie whispers and leans down so that Rue can hear her. "I didn't know she was going to invite them."

"It's cool. I'm just ready to go, I think I'll feel better once we leave."

"Is it the decorations? They're suffocating, right? I tried to warn Maddy." Jules butts into their conversation. She climbs over the couch and sits next to Rue, placing a hand on her knee. "You look great by the way. All of you."

Rue looks around and notices that the place is much more decorated compared to last time she was here. There are a few paintings, some vases, and even some flowers scattered around nicely. Huh, Maddy really is good on her word then.

"Thanks!" Cassie grabs Lexi's hand and tugs her up. "Let's go see what Maddy's doing." She doesn't give Lexi a chance to respond before pulling her into Maddy's room.

Rue watches them go and screams internally. Of course.

"Yeah, no. I don't think it's the decorations." Rue grimaces and flicks Jules' hand, causing her to flinch and snatch it away.

"Ow, Rue!" Jules cries.

"Oh, come on, it didn't hurt." Rue stares at her apathetically.

"_Yes_, it did. How would you feel if I did that to you?"

"I wouldn't feel _anything_ because it doesn't hurt. You're just being a crybaby."

"You don't know my pain tolerance!" Jules defends, crossing her arms.

"Actually, I do-"

Rue is silenced by a pinch from Jules. She yelps, covering the area of her thigh that now stings.

"What the fuck! Oh, you're going down!" Rue shoves Jules back and brings her hands to her stomach to tickle her. Jules kicks and tries to get Rue off of her but Rue pins her legs down by straddling her. She tries to grab Rue's hands but Rue's stronger than her and manages to keep tickling her.

"When... the fuck did... you get so strong?" Jules forces out between laughs.

"After that pinch," Rue laughs with her and Jules takes this as her chance to secure Rue's hands. Rue tries to escape her grasp but she's too weak from laughing.

"Ha! I got you."

Rue gives up trying to escape and catches her breath instead, looking over Jules' outfit. She looks good. What Rue really focuses is on is the pink tint of her hair. It reminds her of high school and when they first met.

Rue suddenly remembers that she's straddling Jules and tries to move but Jules is still gripping her hands.

"Okay," She chuckles awkwardly, "You can let go now." Rue tugs again but Jules just squeezes her hands, pulling them close to her chest.

"I miss you, Rue. I miss us being goofy like this."

Rue shakes her head and tugs her hands back, more aggressive this time. Jules recognizes the angry look on her face and lets go of her hands. When Rue moves to climb off of her she lets her and takes the risk of sitting next to her again.

"Can you please just talk to me?"

"I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?" Rue barks. "Just fucking stop whatever you're trying to do, Jules."

Jules's eyebrows furrow and she opens her mouth to question what the hell Rue is talking about when Maddy skips out of her bedroom, Cassie and Lexi in tow. Kat comes out a few seconds later and they gather near the door. Rue notices how great everyone looks and suddenly feels extremely underdressed and uncomfortable.

"Um, am I underdressed?"

"No," Maddy grins and opens the door, "We're overdressed."


	6. How About Some Tongue Action?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> club time!  
TW mention of drugs and alcohol

"So, this is a nice section," Maddy compliments. She's sitting between Cassie and Rue. Kat, Jules, and Lexi are in the booth across from them.

"Right? We lucked up," Cassie agrees. Rue's too busy scrolling on her phone to pay attention to what they're talking about and Lexi, Kat, and Jules are engrossed in a conversation of their own. Maddy places a hand on Cassie's knee and leans a bit closer to her.

"Do you wanna dance?" She whispers it as if it's a secret. Cassie hesitates, biting her lower lip.

Maddy slips her hand a little higher, just passing the brim of Cassie's dress so that her hand can rest on Cassie's inner thigh. She makes sure no one is looking before she squeezes lightly, asking Cassie again.

"Please?"

Cassie almost gives in but grabs Maddy's hand and places it on her own lap, crossing her legs.

"You need to relax." She clears her throat.

Maddy's face drops and she turns her body away from Cassie, facing Rue. Okay, so, this is humiliating. She hasn't seen Cassie like all week and their first time seeing each other she brushes her off and rejects her? Like, what the fuck?

"Hi," Maddy tries to talk to Rue. She glances up to look at Maddy before continuing to scroll on her phone. Maddy scoffs.

"Rude."

"So, are we just going to sit here all night?" Kat questions, gaining everyone's attention. "Come on, let's dance or something!"

"Oh, I'm waiting for someone."

"What?" Maddy asks with her face scrunched up. "You invited someone else?"

"Yeah, just Anna. She's cool, guys. I promise!"

Rue feels a rush of anxiety after hearing that. She's not sure what it is but... there's just _something _about Anna. And it's not good. Rue finally puts her phone down and leans forward, elbows resting on her knees. "How about you and Cassie go dance, Kat? You two seem like you'll gladly put on a show."

Lexi nods her head in agreement before pushing Kat. "Yeah, go dance. Maybe you'll even get another kiss on the cheek."

Kat shrugs at Cassie and the blonde sighs before getting up. She knows it's going to be kind of fucked-up if she dances with Kat after just turning Maddy down but she hopes Maddy understands that she doesn't want their friends to get suspicious. And Maddy was making things pretty obvious when she stuck her hand up Cassie's dress, so. Who knows what she would've pulled on the dance floor?

Speaking of, Maddy is _fuming_. So not only did Cassie reject her but she's been flirting with Kat this entire time? _And _she's about to go dance with her? It's like Cassie is setting her up to look like the clown of the century.

Luckily, for Cassie, before Kat can drag her away to the dance floor Anna arrives. With a tray of shots.

"Hey, everyone! I come bearing gifts!"

Kat cheers and reaches over to take one of the glasses and Anna passes the tray around, giving one to everyone. She stops at Rue last.

Rue shakes her head, "Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though."

Anna looks taken aback and her face contorts into a humored expression. "Turning down a shot? Okay, lame."

Rue squints at her and takes a deep breath, trying not to respond with anything too rude.

"Fuck off."

Okay. At least she tried.

"Woah, relax. My bad, I'll just never offer you a free drink again."

Lexi rolls her eyes and Cassie crosses her arms, both ready to go off on Anna. She knows nothing about Rue. Kat and Maddy observe the scene, shots in hand, and Jules looks nervous. She tugs on Anna's arm, trying to get her to just sit down.

"I think you should go sit down," Rue suggests, tilting her head up so that she's staring Anna directly in the eyes. Anna stares back for a second before laughing, raising her hands.

"Hey, I came here for a good time." She sits in between Jules and Lexi and Lexi glares at her, scooching as far away as possible.

"Well, shots, everyone." Anna throws hers back and everyone follows hesitantly. "Oh, well, except for the buzzkill over there," She jokes and Lexi scoffs.

"You're being fucking rude. Not everyone has to drink, you know."

"Okayyy, buzzkill number two. Do you want something to take the edge off?"

Anna pulls a baggie out of her bra and Jules facepalms. Kat raises a brow and Maddy crosses her arms, looking bored. Rue's a little surprised she's not trying to get any of the pills on display. Cassie throws a protective arm around Rue as if the drugs are about to attack her and Rue chuckles nervously. Rue knows better than to fuck up her sobriety but that doesn't mean it's not hard to fight the temptation. She tries to focus on her hands instead of whatever Anna's holding.

"What is it?" Lexi asks curiously, observing the bag being dangled in front of her face.

"Lexi!" Cassie scolds and Lexi shakes her head, pushing the bag away.

"I don't do that. Sorry."

"I thought you said this chick was cool, Jules?" Maddy questions and Rue turns to her, surprised to hear her speak up in her defense. "This, like, isn't cool."

"I'm sorry," It's directed towards Rue but she rolls her eyes. "Anna, let's go dance and give everyone a few minutes to calm down, okay?"

Anna agrees and Jules pulls her onto the dance floor. "Thanks for the shots!" Kat calls after them which earns her getting a napkin thrown at her by Maddy. "What?"

Lexi shakes her head and rises from her seat. "I'm going to the bathroom. Probably gonna go dance when I come out."

The remainder of girls nod at her and Kat gets up as well, grabbing Cassie's hands. "Okay. Now that dance I was promised."

"Actually, I didn't promise—"

"— Let's go!"

Maddy and Rue look at each other once everyone else has dispersed from their section.

"And then there were two," Maddy raises two fingers. Rue gives her a small smile and Maddy scoots closer, resting a hand on her shoulder. "So, Anna's a bitch."

"Yeah."

"But you handled her pretty well. If you want, I'll kick her ass. Just be my lawyer if she presses charges, okay?"

Rue laughs, "I don't think it works like that. But sure. I got you."

Maddy laughs and nods, squeezing her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Rue's eyes find Jules and Anna on the dance floor and she clenches her jaw. Maddy follows her eyes and grimaces a bit. They're making out- practically dry-humping each other- and Rue's not sure why but the sight makes her sick.

She feels like beating Anna up. Even though she didn't really do anything besides be kind of rude to her. She also feels like crying. But she doesn't think either of these feelings are coming from her previous encounter, they're coming from seeing Anna with Jules. And Rue doesn't like that.

She's supposed to be over Jules. In every which way. Jules dumped her on the curb and never looked back, so why the fuck does she even care right now?

She's so annoyed. Like. Jules is so annoying.

Rue drops her head into her hands and sighs. "Yeah. I'm fine. Are you?"

"I know you're lying but that's okay," Maddy pats her on the back. She looks over her shoulder at Kat and Cassie and sees Cassie grinding down on Kat. "But you know what will make you feel better? Dancing."

"Uh, I don't think so but thanks--"

"-- Oh, it wasn't a question. Come on." Maddy yanks Rue up from her seat and drags her to the floor, somewhere between where Kat and Cassie and Jules and Anna are dancing. Rue stumbles in front of Maddy, not sure what to do.

Maddy grabs her hands and places them on her hips. She turns around and starts to grind on Rue and Rue's eyes go wide.

This is so fucking awkward.

And kind of hot.

She loosens her grip on Maddy's hips but Maddy places her hands over Rue's, securing them there.

"Don't be afraid, Rue."

"I-I'm not," Rue stutters out, "Do I just stand here?"

Maddy laughs and shakes her head, bringing a hand up behind her to wrap around Rue's neck. Rue has no choice but to move with Maddy or they'll be stuck in an awkward position so she falls into a grinding rhythm with her.

"I've never danced like this," Rue confesses.

"Really?" Maddy looks up and notices Cassie staring at her. "Never?"

"Nope." Rue's hands start to travel a little higher until they're settled on Maddy's waist. She can get used to this.

Maddy smirks and rolls her head to the side to see what Jules and Anna are up to. Jules is eyeing them instead of paying attention to Anna. Of course. Maddy _knew_ she was still into Rue. She can't blame her, though. Maddy never noticed how attractive Rue is until recently. And she's smart. Totally a win-win.

"Well, I hope I'm a good first."

Rue laughs and they're quiet for a few seconds until Maddy notices Cassie leaning a little too close to Kat for Maddy's comfort. She flares her nostrils and turns around.

She's taking too many L's tonight, enough is enough.

Maddy cups Rue's face and pulls her into a rough, short, kiss.

"Woah, what are you doing?" Rue questions as she jerks away.

"Play along. I'm trying to make Cassie jealous. Don't look, but I think it's working. And you need to make Jules jealous. I'm pretty sure it's working for her too, don't worry."

"What the fuck? That's what all of this is about? You're fucking using me to make Cassie jealous?" She sputters, "I didn't even know you two were a thing. Aren't you with Nate?" Rue exclaims, extremely fucking confused.

"Look, it's complicated. Are you gonna help me or not?"

"Cassie is my fucking dormmate, Maddy. My dormmate. What's not clicking right now? You're trying to serve me drama on a gold fucking platter!"

"Okay," Maddy shrugs, "And I live with Jules! I'm sure Jules will make a bigger deal out of this than Cassie. Like, Cassie's so busy trying to keep us a secret she'll probably literally pretend this never happened. Watch, she's going to act _so_ unbothered." Maddy wraps her arms around Rue's neck and pulls her closer again.

"Come on won't seeing Jules freak out in front of Anna be worth it?"

"I don't know..." Rue hesitates, biting her bottom lip. This kind of petty-revenge is foreign to Rue and honestly, she's not sure if it's even worth it. It _would_ be nice to see Jules react to her kissing Maddy in front of Anna but also kind of mean. And Rue's not even sure how she feels about Jules, so what's the point if she doesn't even want to be with her? Then again, it will be like giving Jules a taste of her own medicine.

But what about Cassie? Rue loves Cassie, and she doesn't want Cassie to be upset with her. Then again... if she cares enough to get jealous over Maddy, maybe they should just date. Maybe making her jealous will make her realize she's wasting her time by trying to keep whatever she and Maddy have going on under-wraps.

Okay, fuck it. Rue is thinking about this way too much. Whatever happens, happens. She takes ahold of Maddy's waist again and locks eyes with Jules as she leans down to kiss Maddy. Much more gentle this time though. Rue can't help but shiver in disgust when a few older men near them whistle.

"That's what I'm talking about, Rue Bennett," Maddy laughs when they pull apart. Rue laughs with her and they keep dancing, ignoring when their friends start regrouping at their section.

"Now how about some tongue action?"

___

"What was that about?"

Maddy looks at Cassie through the mirror and continues to take her makeup off.

"You making out with Rue... were you seriously trying to make me jealous?"

"I wasn't trying if it worked," Maddy shrugs.

Cassie rolls her eyes. Maddy's right, it did work, but that doesn't explain why she did it. It's not like she has the right to be upset that she's dancing with Kat and flirting with other people. She and Maddy made it clear when they started whatever this is that they're going to keep it casual and lowkey.

Catching feels wasn't apart of the plan but hey. If you ignore it... it'll go away. At least she hopes so.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Maddy? Like, you're doing all of this for no reason."

"I'm doing all of this because I can. You're not my girlfriend."

"You have a fucking boyfriend!" Cassie yells and Maddy turns around, glaring at her. Cassie takes a deep breath when she realizes that everyone probably heard her yell.

She lowers her voice before speaking again, "_You're _the one that is in a relationship, not me. You're the one that wanted to keep this between us, not me. I mean, I like you a lot, Maddy--"

"- You like me a lot?"

"-- But I'm not going to embarrass myself and act like this is more than hookups between us. When we started this you're the one that demanded we keep it casual. Do you even like me or are you just being territorial?"

Maddy scoffs and crosses her arms. "I'm not 'territorial' over people I don't like," she uses air quotes. "You know what? I want this to be more than just hookups. And I'm going to prove it!"

Cassie watches as Maddy snatches her phone from her bed and types something.

"There."

"There what?"

"I broke up with Nate. Now I'm single," She shrugs.

"What?" Cassie's eyes widen. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I want to be with you?" Maddy states the obvious. "Nate was getting in the way of that. So, now he's out of the way."

"Just because you broke up with your boyfriend- through text- that doesn't mean we're going to just get together."

"Why not?"

"Because I- Because I can't date right now!" Cassie stammers. Maddy stares at her, amused.

"So you'll fuck me but won't go on a date with me?"

"That's not it. I just have a lot on my plate right now, I don't even have the time to date."

"But you have the time to fuck me?"

Cassie's silent. Maddy does make a good point... She looks around the room, not sure how to respond.

Of course, she wants to go on a date with Maddy, but she's nervous. She hasn't been with anyone in such a long time and her last few relationships were shitty, to say the least.

Plus, what about the promise she made herself not to date anyone? Is she really willing to risk it all for Maddy?

___

Rue slips out of the bathroom and drags herself back into the living room. She notices that Cassie and Maddy are still locked up in Maddy's bedroom. Maybe the whole kissing thing did work.

"Can you two stop making out?"

Well, it worked for Maddy at least. Jules is expertly ignoring Rue and emphasizing her point by making out with Anna in front of everyone. Rue can take being ignored- that's one thing- but Jules making out with Anna? Come on, that's just plain torture.

Jules doesn't pull away from Anna, she just raises her middle finger and Kat rolls her eyes. Kat rests her head on Lexi's shoulder and Lexi is doing a great job of ignoring them all by trying to find an entertaining YouTube video instead.

Rue flops down next to Lexi on the couch and throws her head back, letting out a sigh loud enough to make Anna and Jules turn toward her.

"You good?" Anna asks, hugging Jules's waist. Rue fights the impulse to glare at her, despite the disgusted expression already etched upon her face, and focuses on the TV instead.

Lexi chuckles and Anna shrugs. She moves to kiss Jules again but Jules dodges her and turns around to properly sit in her lap.

"What's this?" She asks, pointing to the TV.

"... YouTube?" Lexi tilts her head.

"Why are we on YouTube? Put on a movie!" Kat snatches the remote from Lexi, "Here, let me."

"Maybe you shouldn't put a movie on. We're not staying," Rue informs. Lexi nods and Kat boos them.

"Why not? We said we were going to have a movie night anyway, and nothing tops off going out like a good ole slasher. Don't be lame, bitches."

"I'm in a tight dress. Not really dressed for a movie night."

"We have clothes," Jules points out. "You guys are welcome to stay. Rue, I'm sure Maddy would love to lend you something."

Rue rolls her eyes for what feels like the umpteenth time, shaking her head at how childish Jules is being.

"You're annoying."

"What?"

"You're annoying! You're being fucking childish and annoying for no reason and that's why I'm not fucking staying here. In fact, I'm leaving right now." Rue stands up and collects her jacket. "Cassie, I'm leaving!" She shouts.

"Rue," Lexi reaches for her hand but Rue's too busy putting her jacket on to notice.

"Rue, I'm sorry. You're right, I'm being a bitch for no reason—"

"- Babe, maybe you should just leave her alone," Anna whispers but Jules ignores her and stands up.

"— You don't have to leave."

"I'll see you later, Lex. Bye, Kat," Rue throws her hoodie over her head and slams the door as she leaves. That was fucking suffocating.

As soon as she steps outside it feels like a weight is lifted off of her. She closes her eyes, soaking in how refreshing the breeze feels.

Cassie runs out of Maddy's room. "What happened?"

"Rue left."

Jules stands, frozen, at her door. Should she go after Rue? Part of her, like a huge part, says yes because one it's New York and she should make sure Rue is safe and two she seems to be fucking things up with Rue steadily even though all she wants is a chance to talk with her about everything. Senior year and everything surrounding it.

Another part of her screams no, though. If she runs after Rue she'll probably only push her further away or cause her to do something reckless and that's the last thing that Jules wants. She doesn't want to give Rue another reason to hate her. Jules is about to just say fuck it and go after her when Lexi stands.

"I'll go after her."

"Thanks," Jules sighs.

"I'll come with you. Bye guys," Cassie waves to everyone and follows Lexi out of the door.

Kat, Maddy, and Anna sit in silence while Jules locks up after everyone.

"So... you guys have an interesting friend group," Anna comments. Kat squints at her and Maddy scoffs, turning back around to go into her room.

"Come on, Kat."

"Gladly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was super excited to post this chapter bc a few ppl asked for maddy to help rue make jules jealous and i was like eek! bc this chapter was already written and its like u guys read my mind... <3 anyway hope u all enjoyed and feedback is appreciated


	7. Name a Better Duo!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: violence  
rexi... and rules. and some massie for you guys!!

"Good morning!"

Rue turns away from the loud voice.

"Wake up!" Cassie throws a pillow at her.

Rue grabs it and places it over her head. She's about to tell Cassie to shut up when she notices how nice she's being. Rue didn't get the chance to really talk to Cassie after her makeout session with Maddy. Part of her thought Cassie was going to freak out or be weird but maybe Maddy was right...

"Hey..." Rue sits up hesitantly. "You're in a good mood."

"I am?" Cassie laughs. "I wake you up like this every morning."

Oh.

She's right.

Rue's just being a little paranoid, then, because Cassie seems ecstatic compared to any other day. Her face is even glowing.

"You sure? I just thought after last night- you know, going out- you'd be a little tired," Rue stammers out, not trying to make it obvious she's talking about her and Maddy.

"You're the one that's being weird. Did Maddy say something to you?

Rue's silence is all she needs to know. Cassie moves to sit next to her on her bed.

"We've been hooking up. For a few months now. Maddy was dating Nate and I don't want anything serious. That's all."

_Was _dating Nate? Maddy was just going on a date with him last week. Things really are complicated between them. And how did Rue have no clue that Cassie has been hooking up with Maddy out of all people? These bitches are top tier ninjas.

"You don't want anything serious but got jealous... Right." Rue gives Cassie an unbelieving look. "A few months is a lot of time for feelings to get invested, you know. How did this happen anyway?"

"We hooked up after skipping out on a lame party. She was fighting with Nate and I was comforting her and things happened. You know, the usual."

Rue squints at Cassie and slowly nods her head. The _usual_?

"Can I confess? I like Maddy, like, a lot. But I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship. I haven't even dated anyone since high school. Maddy broke up with Nate last night and wants to take me on a date but I don't know... what do you think I should do?"

"Well for starters, you definitely shouldn't be asking me for advice. If anyone sucks at relationships, it's me."

It's true. Rue hasn't been with anyone since Jules- if she even counts- because staying sober has been her priority and she didn't want anything to get in the way of that after she relapsed senior year.

"But as a wise man once said, you just gotta follow your heart. You're trying to keep a promise you made to yourself in high school even though you've changed a lot. In a good way. You're more mature and out of everyone, you know how to handle your shit the best. If you like Maddy you have to go for it."

Rue makes a mental note to call Fez later and thank him for that quote.

"Wow," Cassie nods her head, impressed. "Not too bad, Rue. Maybe I will give this dating thing a shot."

Rue grins as Cassie bumps her shoulder playfully.

"Oh- and you're not into Maddy, right?"

"Seriously?"

___

The rest of the weekend is pretty smooth for everyone. Cassie and Lexi attend their clubs, Maddy and Jules complete a project, Kat gets some homework done and meets a cute guy, and Rue attends a few NA meetings to help her cope with the recent events- like Anna trashing her, not knowing she's an addict, and Jules coming back into her life.

Rue wonders if Jules explained to Anna afterward that she's an addict or if she just ignored it. An image of them making out pops into her head and she shivers in disgust. Yeah, she probably didn't tell her.

She wonders what Ali is up to. He would tell Rue what she needs to hear to snap her out of this Jules induced haze. She'll have to call him later.

Jules, on the other hand, is trying to snap out of her Rue induced haze by spending most of her time with Anna or at parties.

Which is not healthy for multiple reasons, but she's going to ignore that.

Anna is starting to be increasingly irritating to Jules though, so she's running out of distractions to keep her from daydreaming about her old best friend all day.

It's not that Anna is annoying or has a shitty personality, she's actually really great! It's just that she reminds Jules of Rue in a way and the more time they spend together, the more time Jules realizes that Anna is in fact _not_ Rue. And honestly, what the fuck is the point if she's not Rue? Rue is all that matters.

Her therapist, who she hasn't seen in months, would probably disagree but fuck her. Fuck everyone but Rue.

Plus, spending all of her time with Anna is starting to become suffocating and Jules is kind of running out of stamina to entertain Anna. Not like she _has_ to entertain her. They just haven't exactly reached the stage of their friendship where they are able to just enjoy the presence of each other.

If only Rue would talk to her. All of her problems would be solved.

Okay, well not all of them. But a lot of them.

"Earth to Jules." Maddy snaps her fingers in front of her face. "How were your classes?"

"Fine," Jules shrugs. "Leslie came out in my fabric styling class."

"Leslie Brown?" Maddy gasps. Jules lets out a yup, making sure to pop the p, and Maddy raises her eyebrows. "Who would've guessed?"

"Right?" Jules laughs. "How were yours?"

"Great. I barely have homework this week so I'm going to catch up on sleep. This weekend really drained me."

"Right. All of that kissing catches up eventually," Jules teases and Maddy rolls her eyes but is smiling.

"You're not seriously mad, are you? That bitch Ana is here like all of the time."

"_Anna_," Jules corrects. "And she's not a bitch."

"She kind of is," Maddy points out, tilting her head. "Look at you, defending your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Jules exclaims and Maddy holds her hands up, amused.

"Whatever you say."

"And no, I'm not mad. Or jealous. Or upset in any context. Just a little shocked that you and Rue out of all people would start making out on the dance floor."

"You're totally jealous, bitch. It's okay. If I was really into Rue you might actually have a real reason to be, but don't worry. I'm into Cassie."

"What?" Jules exclaims again, shooting to sit up straight on the couch. "Cassie? When the hell did that happen?"

"Awhile ago."

"Wow. I'm shook. This is more surprising than Leslie coming out."

Maddy shrugs and unlocks her phone so she can text Rue.

_Maddy: jules says she misses you and wishes you wld just kiss her already._

_Rue: WHAT_

_Rue: She said that?_

_Maddy: well not literally but basically_

_Rue: wowww_

Maddy watches as the typing bubbles on her screen disappear then reappear multiple times. After two minutes she just assumes Rue isn't going to say anything else when her phone dings again.

_Rue: ... but basically?_

_Maddy: yeah, i'll give u all of the details when u come to teach me some more law stuff lol_

_Maddy: Friday?_

Rue grimaces at Maddy's message and falls back onto her bed, contemplating whether or not she wants to keep helping Maddy out.

If she's being honest her plan was to ignore the girl until they kind of both just forgot about the situation but then Kat just had to fuck that up and invite Jules and Maddy out with them.

At least Maddy is fun, she'll give her that. But Rue just hates that it seems like Maddy doesn't take her seriously when they're going over important topics.

She doesn't want to leave Maddy hanging, though.

And when she suddenly remembers the conversation they had about why Rue decided to study the law, she decides she _can't_ leave Maddy hanging.

Assholes like Nate Jacobs.

It's probably why Maddy's interested in learning the law in the first place. Rue can almost slap herself, she's so disappointed she's just realizing this now.

_Rue: Friday works. I'll be over right after class._

_Rue: Have snacks._

___

Rue barges into her and Cassie's dorm room at seven p.m. after an intense night at the library.

The law library is no joke. Rue's brain is so fried right now that she's not even sure what day it is anymore.

Cassie glances at Rue and raises her brows at her when she plops down into bed face-first.

"Long day?"

"You have no fucking idea..." Rue mumbles into her pillow. "What day is it again?"

Cassie laughs, "Thursday."

"Oh, cool. It's almost the weekend- Where are you going?" Rue turns her head towards Cassie and notices that she's dressed up and seems to be on her way out of the door.

"On a date. Is that cool, mom?"

"Wait," Rue sits up, "So love guru Rue's advice worked? Fuck," She laughs. "I'm pretty awesome."

"Yeah, you are. When is the guru going to score her own date, though?"

"Uh," Rue chuckles. "Stay tuned."

"Seriously, Rue. You deserve to have some fun and be happy. Not that you can't do both while single- You know what I mean! Just, put yourself out there some more, okay? I love you but you spend most of your time in our dorm."

"Ah, I get it," Rue points at Cassie. "Now that you're going on dates you want me out of the dorm so you can hook up here. Yeah, no. That's not gonna work, Cass!"

"Whatever, Rue." Cassie laughs and opens the door. "Just think about what I said."

Once the door shuts Rue looks down, indeed thinking about what Cassie said. She's actually right. Rue hasn't even blatantly flirted with anyone in a while. Rue was never one to care about being in a relationship or getting laid but she does get lonely sometimes. And her hand isn't always enough.

She takes what Cassie said into consideration one more time, contemplating her next decision. She stands up and makes her way to Lexi's dorm.

Lexi's fun and makes Rue happy. Plus she always smells good. Rue adores her and has found herself paying extra attention to how pretty Lexi is lately.

To simply put it: she likes her. Rue doesn't find the point of trying to hide her feelings, so she's sure Lexi and, like, everyone else is already aware of this.

She knocks on Lexi's door frantically, shuffling her weight from one foot to the other while she waits.

Lexi throws the door open, face etched with concern.

"Rue? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah! No. Well- yeah! I, um, can we talk?" Rue stammers out and considers turning around and never looking back after that embarrassing greeting. How is she going to confess her feelings for Lexi if she can't even say if somethings wrong or not? That was literally a simple question.

Rue shoves her hands into her pockets and moves to sit on Lexi's bed when she opens the door wider, allowing her inside.

"Yeah, of course. What's going on?"

"Well, I was thinking and- I need to tell you something."

Rue's silent for a moment and Lexi stares at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I like you," Rue confesses hesitantly. Lexi sits down next to her.

"Rue... God, why couldn't you say something sooner?" Lexi groans.

"What?" Rue questions.

"I kind of have a date."

"Oh."

Rue thinks Lexi deserves someone way cooler than her anyway.

"Yeah..."

Someone that doesn't spend their nights in the library and the rest of their day in their dorm. Maybe someone that can go to parties and play beer pong with her, because Rue knows Lexi enjoys that at parties. She usually wins, but Rue really sucks.

"Cool," Rue purses her lips.

Cool?

Seriously?

God, someone please remind Rue to smack herself once she leaves this room.

Lexi reaches over to squeeze Rue's hand. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Rue gives her a small smile. "I don't really know what I was expecting anyway."

Maybe this for the best. Maybe it's good that Lexi already has a date because she'll just be a burden and Lexi knows that. Maybe Lexi's just trying to save them both the trouble of a doomed relationship. Or maybe she's just trying to let her down easy and doesn't even have a date. Whichever one, Rue can't say she's surprised and even a little prepared for this moment.

As her mom always says: with good, comes bad.

Well, technically, her mom preachers it the other way around- with bad, comes good- but whatever. Same shit.

"It's not that I don't like you it's just... that'sthe_ problem_. I've been crushing on you since junior high, Rue. I realized the other day that I've liked you since like forever and when someone asked me out... I just went for it.."

"I get it."

"Plus I'm- I'm trying to get my shit together right now, you know?"

No, Rue doesn't know. She wasn't expecting that one. Maybe this is the easy letdown. Lexi seems perfect.

Lexi must be able to read the look on Rue's face because she speaks again, elaborating.

"You know how I've been in a funk lately?" Rue nods. "Well, I realized I've been like that for a while. Sad with no apparent reason. And it's because I don't even know who the fuck I am. I still don't feel like a person yet. Everyone around me has something going for themselves- What do I have?"

"Good grades. A big heart. A single dorm," Rue says the last one jokingly and Lexi laughs. "Seriously, Lexi, you're like perfect to me. You care about others and you wanna make a change in this shitty world. Trust me, that's more than most of us."

"_Everyone _is making a change in their own way. It's just not enough. How can I help others when I don't even know myself. Everyone knows who they are. Everyone has something. Cassie, Kat, Maddy, Jules, and even you. No offense, by the way," Lexi apologizes.

Rue raises her hands in a none-taken manner so she continues.

"I don't have any hobbies, my friends- beside you and Cassie- are good for parties but that's it, and if I'm being honest? I need to get laid. Like, bad. I'm just trying to figure myself out. I need to step outside of who I've been my entire life so far."

Rue laughs but nods her head in understanding. She gets where Lexi is coming from. It's a big state, let alone a big world, and it's easy to get lost in it.

They're fresh out of high school- kind of. Nobody really knows who the fuck they are.

But Rue gets it. She wants to figure out who she is too. What the fuck is she even doing here? In Lexi's dorm? In college? In New York?

A lot of questions and not much brain power left after her study session at the law library. So Rue's just gonna set them aside for later.

"I feel you."

"You need to get laid too?"

"Well, yeah, but I meant about everything else. I'm happy you're putting yourself first. You deserve to be happy."

"You do too," Lexi hums. "Maybe once I figure things out we can go on a date. If you're still single. I don't really think the date I'm going on soon is going to go anywhere."

"I'm sure I will be," Rue chuckles.

Lexi purses her lips and shakes her head.

"If you don't do anything about your feelings, yeah."

"What do you mean? I just did and you shot me down, remember?"

"I mean for Jules. I know you like her. It's so obvious. I think she likes you too."

"I don't have feelings for Jules," Rue laughs and Lexi rolls her eyes.

"You're in denial. But we're good right? I don't want things to be awkward or anything... you're still my best friend."

"We're good," Rue squeezes Lexi's hand that she realizes she's still holding. "Wanna take a nap?"

"It's almost nine p.m."

"... So you don't want to?"

**___**

Okay, maybe Rue does have feelings for Jules.

It's the first thing that she thinks about after waking up in Lexi's bed.

She debated with herself last night, declaring that she's not capable of having feelings for two people at the same time. Her hearts too fragile. Thanks but one emotional rollercoaster, that some psychos refer to as a crush, is enough for her.

But it's true.

She likes Jules.

And she likes Lexi.

Yet, she can't be with either of them. The odds are definitely not in her favor.

Jules has a girlfriend, or whatever that pretty bitch is, and Lexi pretty much doesn't want anything serious right now- even though Rue wouldn't mind hooking up or being casual, ut when feelings are involved things get complicated, so.

"Oh, shit," Rue jolts up when her alarm snaps her out of her thoughts. "Fuck!"

"What?" Lexi asks, rubbing her eyes. "God, can you turn that thing off?"

"I have class in twenty minutes and I'm not even dressed. I didn't even brush my teeth!"

"It's your fault, you're the one that wanted to tap a _nap_."

"Okay, fuck off. I gotta go," Rue shoves her shoes on. "Later."

"Good luck in class!" Lexi calls after her.

Rue makes it just in time. She literally ran to her dorm, then to the bathroom, and back to her dorm but still managed to make it to class before her professor. Brushing your teeth in the shower really does spare time.

Her professor starts going over a group project that's due next week and Rue, along with a handful of other students, let out a groan. Seriously? Rue really has no interest in socializing with any of her classmates.

Between Rue's daydreaming and her professor droning on about the requirements for the project that are clearly in the syllabus- Rue's not the only one that reads those, right?- class goes by pretty quickly.

Rue almost forgets about her study session with Maddy until she gets a text from her.

_Maddy: got the snacks lol_

_Rue: Good. I'm gonna need the fuel to deal with you._

_Maddy: fuck off_

_Maddy: cunt_

_Rue: Lmaooo_

_Rue: I'm omw. Just got out of class_

Rue sighs and walks out of the now-empty classroom. She shoves her hands into her pockets while she walks and prays that Jules isn't home. More importantly, she hopes Jules isn't home with Anna. That would be a disaster.

Rue hasn't talked to or seen Jules since she rushed out of her apartment last weekend, so things are bound to be awkward between them regardless if her bitchy friend with _really _nice hair and even skin is present or not.

Plus, now Rue is pretty sure she still has feelings for Jules, which is pretty sad, but she's determined to not talk to Jules and cave into another faulty friendship.

Why put herself at risk of getting heartbroken again?

For some pretty, mesmerizing, eyes? For that long, platinum blonde hair that reminds Rue so much of an anime character? For those long legs that Rue wants nothing more than to run her hands down?

Okay.

Maybe Rue will cave in.

But, hey, at least it will be worth it. At least Rue thinks so.

The walk is over before Rue expects it to be and she pulls her body up the stairs to the apartment door she's looking for. She doesn't wait long before the door is thrown open.

"Mi casa es su casa," Jules welcomes, gesturing for Rue to enter. Rue steps inside, wary, and looks around hoping that Maddy will pop out and save her from talking to Jules.

"I'm guessing you're not here for me," Jules smiles as she locks the door. Rue sits on the couch.

"Uh, no, Maddy and I are supposed to hang out," Rue informs over her shoulder.

Jules sits down next to her and frowns.

"Oh yeah, I heard about Maddy and Cassie." Jules hums. "Sorry, I know you guys had something going on."

Rue raises her brows.

"You don't seem too sad," She chuckles. "I'm fine. I'm not like into Maddy or anything. Can't friends make out with other friends?"

Jules hums in response, turning the TV on.

"No speech about how you miss me and need to talk to me today?"

"Nope," Jules rests her elbow on the head of the couch and twists her body to face Rue. She rests her head on her hand and looks at Rue, observing her. "No speech. Or begging. But I do want to say sorry about last weekend. I was being a bitch... and unreasonably so. I support your impromptu makeout sessions."

"Thanks," Rue laughs. Maybe talking with Jules isn't as bad as she thought it would be.

"And just so you know... I wasn't jealous, or anything," Jules shrugs and twirls her hair.

"Hmm," Rue squints her eyes at Jules. "I didn't say you were."

"I know, but, I wasn't! Just letting you know."

"That's why you ignored me for the rest of the night? Got it."

"I will _never _admit to being jealous."

"You don't have to, Jules. I'm onto you."

Their laughter and banter is interrupted by someone pounding on the door. Rue looks at Jules who just shrugs her shoulders.

"Expecting someone?"

"No."

"Maybe it's Anna," Rue suggests, glancing at the door again. Jules rolls her eyes and stands up.

"Yeah, except Anna doesn't pound like she's TRYING TO KNOCK MY FUCKING DOOR DOWN!" Jules screams at whoever's on the other side but they're persistent.

Rue stands up too, following Jules to the door. Jules glances through the peephole and immediately turns around and walks away.

"Um..."

Jules returns with a knife and she quickly unlocks the door, knife pointed at-

"— Nate Jacobs?" Rue exclaims.

"Get that shit the fuck out of my face, Jules. Where the fuck is Maddy? I need to talk to her."

"Get the fuck away from my apartment or I swear to god I will gut you."

Nate sucks his teeth and looks into the apartment, trying to get through Rue and Jules.

"Maddy, are you in here? Come the fuck out!"

"Why don't you just call her you fucking psycho?" Rue questions, standing her ground so that he doesn't get inside.

Rue actually wonders if Maddy is inside too. She totally forgot about their study session once she and Jules started talking but she didn't hear anyone else in the apartment and Maddy never answered her texts.

"She's not answering. I've tried. Maddy, I really need to fucking talk to you!" Nate yells into the apartment once more and Rue pushes him back, stepping in front of Jules.

"She's not fucking here you piece of shit! Get the fuck out!" Jules screams.

Jules points the knife at Nate again and he pushes past Rue. Nate slaps it out of her hand and shoves Jules to the ground. For a second, Rue wonders why they thought he wasn't strong enough to fling them both across the room anyway but she recovers quickly after seeing Jules hit the ground.

"Jules!"

Rue charges at Nate and kicks him in the balls. He hunches over and groans and she looks around for something heavy to hit him with. Jules beats her to it and slams a vase over his head, causing him to collapse.

"Shit, I hope that didn't kill him."

"It's okay, it was self-defense."

"Oh, true."

"I'm not fucking dead, you fucking bitches!" Nate groans out, not moving from his position on the ground.

"You will be if you don't get the fuck out!" Jules warns and kicks him in the stomach. "Should we call the cops?"

Rue glances at Jules then back at Nate before shrugging her shoulders. "Maybe. I don't think they'll do much."

Nate stands up, slowly, and Jules pushes Rue behind her.

Rue grasps onto Jules's arm. She eyes the knife on the ground but Nate notices it too and kicks it across the room.

"Let Maddy know I'm in town and trying to reach her. It's important."

They watch as he limps out of the apartment and Jules hurries to locks the door behind him. She turns back to Rue with wide eyes.

"Holy shit! We just kicked his ass!" She bursts out laughing. "That was like so badass. Too bad no one was here to record it. Hey, you okay?"

Rue's fingers are shaking so much she can barely type as she texts Maddy.

_Rue: Holy fucking shit Nate just left the apartment_

_Rue: _ _w_ _here the fuck are u?_

_Rue: _ _j_ _ust lmk that you're okay._

_Rue: Fuck Maddy!_

_Maddy: _ _I'_ _m ok! across town, running a little late. sorry_

_Maddy: fuck im so sorry Rue_

_Maddy: u guys ok? im omw now_

_Rue: We're fine. Glad that you're okay._

Rue furrows her brows when she looks up from her phone. "Jules, that psychopath knows where you live. He's looking for Maddy. He fucking shoved you down. Why did you open the door?"

"Because now he knows we mean business. I'm not afraid of him anymore and he needs to know that. We're fine."

"No, now he has a reason to come back. What if—"

Jules pulls Rue into a hug.

"— Rue! Rue, we're okay. Okay? We're good. You don't need to start worrying about this. If he does come back I promise I'll call the cops instead, okay? I need you to calm down and breathe," Jules reassures Rue and feels her relax into the hug a little bit. "We're good."

Rue sighs and wraps her arms around Jules, squeezing her.

"God, you're a fucking idiot."

"When you kicked him in the sack, though." Jules throws her head back and laughs. She claps as if she just finished witnessing an amazing performance.

"But the vase."

"Name a better duo!"

___

Maddy opens the door and Rue rises, glad to see her safe. Rue notices a blonde trailing behind her and smiles.

"Cassie?"

"Rue! Thank god," Cassie runs to hug Rue and squeezes her. Rue groans and tries to hug her back but Cassie's grip is tight.

"I'm glad to see you too but, you're killing me."

"I was so worried when Maddy showed me your texts. Are you fucking okay? Where is he? I'll kill him."

Rue takes a deep breath once Cassie lets her go and nods. "I'm fine," She glances at Jules who's talking with Maddy on the couch. "We're fine. I'm just a little shook is all."

"Okay. Good."

"Rue totally saved me," Jules butts into their conversation, turning around to face them.

"Well, Jules totally saved me too. It was like a team effort, you know?"

"Details," Maddy demands as she FaceTimes Lexi and Kat. They answer almost immediately and Jules starts to recount their encounter with Nate.

Rue watches attentively as Jules tells them what happened. Her eyes follow her hands, enjoying how animated she is. Jules grins that sloppy grin that makes Rue's heart flutter- like it could almost be a smirk crossed over with a smile and she's beaming and-

Ugh.

Rue is _so _gay.

Jules makes her feel like mush and she hates it.

"Wow, what an asshole. Are you two gonna be okay?" Kat asks.

"Yeah. If I need any protection I'll just hit Rue up," Jules jokes and everyone laughs. "But seriously, I don't think he's coming back."

"Well, just in case, I'm staying over. Rue, are you cool heading to the dorm by yourself? Do you wanna stay too?" Cassie squeezes Rue's hand and she nods.

"Oh, I'm good. I'll be fine."

"Maddy, you okay?" Jules notices the usual loudmouth's silence.

"I'm really sorry that he came here, you guys. God, I want to fucking kill him."

Rue and Jules make eye contact. They're both thinking about that time they plotted how they would kill Nate in high school.

Jules smiles at Rue and if Rue was standing she swears her knees would've buckled.

She returns Jules's smile.

"Trust me, we do too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this doesn't have any typos but if it does, forgive me. it's been a very long week. how do we feel about nate being back??


	8. Your Time Will Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warning: slight sexual content

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u wanna skip the sexual part just skip to the texting part (:

"What?!" Anna exclaims.

"Yeah, he pushed me down pretty hard but Rue like ran and kicked him right in the nuts! It was fucking awesome. And before that, she was, like, guarding me. Ugh, she's so cute," Jules sighs happily and continues to scroll on her phone. A smile lingers on her lips as she thinks about Rue.

"Wow. Maybe I should... stay longer?"

"What? Don't be ridiculous, Anna. You already extended your trip by a week. What're you gonna do, move here?"

Jules laughs but Anna is silent and when she notices she puts her phone down, staring at Anna.

"You're not gonna move here right?"

"Would that be so bad?"

"I mean, like, no but..." Jules trails off, thinking of how to explain to Anna that she doesn't care what she does but she just hopes Anna isn't expecting anything more from her.

"But you don't want me to?"

"Just... don't do anything because of me," Jules advises.

Anna hesitates before asking "What's the deal with Rue?"

"I already told you she was my best friend. Well, and we were in love. Nothing was ever official but—"

"— I mean what's _her _deal? You still never explained that night at the club to me and now all of your friends hate me."

Jules furrows her brows and laughs, sitting up. "I mean, like, what do you want me to say? You shouldn't have attacked her for not wanting the drink. Not everyone, drinks, Anna. Like, not everyone needs drugs to have fun and party. Just drop the situation and leave Rue alone."

"Woah, you're getting defensive. I was just asking. Are you sure you're not still in love with her?" Anna jokes but Jules doesn't laugh. She just grabs her phone again and opens her messages.

_Jules: do u think i'm defensive over rue?_

_Kat: yes_

_Jules: k... do u think im in love w her?_

_Kat: bitch duh. lmao idiot_

Anna starts ranting about how her staying in town will provide Jules with protection, just in case, and also give them more time to get to know each other. Jules cringes at the idea of settling down into a relationship with Anna and bites her lip, tuning her out.

Is she seriously still in love with Rue?

Like, don't get her wrong, Rue sure knows how to get her heart going. Every time she sees Rue a million love poems flood her mind and she wonders how someone can just be so god damn perfect but... that's not, like, love or anything, right?

Nah, it can't be.

Jules just loves Rue- in a best friends kind of way! And likes to admire her. Who wouldn't? Rue is...

Stunning. Pure. Beautiful. Very loveable material.

God damn it.

Jules sounds so...

In love. Fuck!

Jules _might _be in love.

But she thought she was over Rue. After she and Rue stopped talking senior year she spent the remainder of the year partying and doing whatever she could to keep her feelings suppressed. Maybe that's why everything is hitting her like a brick now.

Once she graduated, she didn't look back. Jules thought about making amends with Rue after graduation- while Rue was still _right there_\- but those thoughts vanished when she noticed how well Rue is doing without her. She applied to colleges, started focusing on her work, is clean, and seems happy. All without Jules in her life.

At least the first year of college was way better than Jules expected. She's made a group of friends that match her energy, gotten really into her studies, has started modeling _and _still manages to party and enjoy herself all of the time. Just without all of the suppressing feelings shenanigans. She allows herself to feel happy, or sad, or whatever the fuck her brain and heart wanna throw at her.

Maybe that's why when Jules saw Rue at that party it sparked something inside of her.

Like, she could literally feel it.

A rush, she's not sure of what, but a rush that hit her entire body like a high wave. Her mind managed to blur everything out but Rue and her vision focused on one person and one person only.

Jules has to admit- she wasn't really thinking clearly when she ran up to Rue expecting everything to be fine between them like nothing ever happened. Her emotions were just running on overdrive. For the last year, Jules has been surrounded by Kat, Maddy, and sometimes Cassie but besides them everything else in her life is new. The location, the friends, the energy. Just everything.

And Jules loves it. She loves it so much she got caught up in the rush of freedom.

Being away from East Highland means freedom. Finally getting away from the grasp of that psycho Nate and that shitty judgemental town is a breath of fresh air for Jules.

But being away from Rue... that feels like prison. Like Jules is trapped in a bubble, unable to pop it without Rue in her life. The bubble keeps her limited from enjoying herself too much. From settling into her new life completely.

Jules never really thought about it before but now that she's thinking about it... Maybe it's guilt from leaving Rue behind the way she did. Maybe it's sadness that lingers over her because her old best friend, that still means the world to her, probably hates her- and it's Jules' fault. Fuck, maybe it's love. Because if Jules is being honest Rue will always have a big ass chunk of her heart.

Whether Rue's in her life as a friend, best friend, or lover, Jules needs her. She needs her to pop that bubble. Because Jules is living right now but she can be _really _living with Rue in her life. Jules isn't sure why but something tells her she needs Rue to reach the next level of her life... Maybe she just needs closure. Maybe-

"Jules, are you okay? You're frowning so hard I'm afraid you might get stuck like that."

Jules turns her head to Anna, still frowning. "Do you ever just... get bored of life? Like everything is going super good and shit but it just feels like something is missing?"

_Or someone_, Jules thinks to herself.

"Yeah, sometimes. But then I meet someone amazing like you and life gets a little more interesting." Anna brings her hand up to cup Jules's cheek.

Jules stares at her, wondering why having Anna around isn't enough for her like Anna having Jules around has been enough for Anna.

At first, Jules really thought Anna could be enough to fill her void. She's fun, confident as fuck, and attractive but clubbing gets boring. Fucking gets boring. Everything can get boring when there's no real connection.

And Jules loves having Anna as a friend, but there's no real _connection_. At least no real romantic connection. Like she needs to feel something besides horniness and moderate entertainment. Right now, looking into Anna's eyes, she doesn't feel shit. Which is kind of scary and possibly fucked up? But Jules can't tell and quite frankly, she doesn't give a shit.

Like, Jules isn't saying she needs to meet someone and instantly fall in love but if someone asked Jules to list all of the things she _really _likes about Anna she's afraid of how short that list might be. The truth is, she barely knows Anna.

If high school Jules was in this position she would be declaring her love on the rooftops for Anna but thankfully, Jules has matured. She knows better.

She's not in love with Anna.

Anna's been great, but Jules isn't in love.

"So I'm your missing piece?"

"I don't know. It kind of feels like it."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I follow my heart."

Hm. Maybe that's what Jules should do. Follow her heart.

___

Rue huffs into her phone and shakes her head, getting fed up with the conversation.

"Mom, I already told you I'm fine. Just tired, okay?"

"Rue, you sound upset. Do you need to come home for the weekend?"

"Mom-" Rue takes a deep breath. "I'm fine. My stomach and head hurt is all. I just need to sleep."

"You're in pain? Should I come to you?"

"Mom!" Rue kicks at her blankets and scrunches her face, ready to end this call. "-No. I'll call you later, okay?"

Her mother is silent for a second and Rue can imagine her thinking about whether or not she's willing to drop this for now. Rue hopes she is.

"Fine. I'll be calling you later to check-in and you better answer, Rue. Don't make me come up there. Love you."

"Love you too, mom. Talk to you later."

The truth is Rue would love more than anything to go home right now. To wrap up in bed with her mom and Gia while her mom braids her hair and takes care of her. To threaten whichever scummy boys have been hitting on Gia lately and give her the talk.

But Rue can't just drop everything she has going on at school because her stomach hurts and she's feeling down. She has a project to work on, a bunch of studying to do, plus she just wants to prove to her mom that she's fine on her own. Rue's a big girl, she can handle herself.

At least she thinks she can. She's trying her best here.

"Hey, Rue, did you tell momma Bennett I said hey?"

Cassie enters the room, swapping her backpack out for a different bag. Rue rolls over to face her.

"Yeah. She says hi- Hey, is that my hoodie?"

"Oh, yeah. Do you mind? It's really comfortable. I made sure not to touch your red one, I know that's your favorite."

"Uh, no, yeah, It's fine," Rue stammers.

"Thanks. So are you going to get out of bed or what?" Cassie stands in front of Rue's bed and crosses her arms.

"Seriously? This again? Cassie, I'm depressed, leave me alone." Rue pulls her blanket over her head.

"What can I do to help? You've been doing so good. What happened?"

"You're joking, right? Your girlfriend's crazy ex is in town and everyone's acting like it's no big fucking deal! Is no one else worried about Nate Jacobs? I don't even feel safe walking to class knowing that that fucker is around."

Cassie frowns and sits at the end of Rue's bed, patting her legs. "One, stop being dumb. Maddy's not my girlfriend."

Rue rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Cassie is unbelievable.

"Two... I get it. Nate is fucking insane and you have every right to be worried. Trust me, I am too, but I'm not going to give that dick the power he's craving.

"So that's what I'm doing? Giving him power?"

"No- I didn't mean it like that."

"Then how the fuck did you mean it, Cassie?" Rue yanks the covers down and glares at Cassie.

"I just mean that you're not alone. I get it, Jules gets it, and Maddy definitely gets it. Just... you're not alone in this, okay?"

"Okay, whatever."

Cassie gives Rue a small smile before squeezing her leg and standing up. "I gotta run but we'll talk more later, alright? Call me if you need me."

Once Cassie closes the door the room falls uncomfortably silent again. It's too quiet for Rue.

She tries watching TV but everything is too boring. She tries scrolling through social media. Also boring. Gia and Lexi are in class so she can't talk to them. Cassie's busy and who knows what Kat is up to.

"Okay fuck this," Rue forces herself out of bed and throws her red hoodie on. As soon as she stands there's a sharp pain in her abdomen that feels like she got stabbed in her stomach and then someone decided to twist her guts up and squeeze them like a stress ball.

"Fuck!" She gasps and stands still, gripping her desk. She takes deep breaths until she can feel herself calm down. The pain dulls down after a minute and she shakes the remaining ache off. A walk will probably help, right?

Rue heads out of the dorm, trying to focus on the music flowing from her earbuds, and can't help but check her surroundings every few seconds once she makes it off of campus. She eventually pushes her pain to the back of her mind as she enjoys observing the city. It looks like it's about to pour down any second now and Rue honestly has no idea where she's going.

She stops in front of a familiar building just as it starts to drizzle and hurries inside, pushing her hood back.

"Fuck, I hope someone's home," Rue huffs, out of breath. She knocks harshly but when her mind flickers back to Nate Jacobs pounding on the same door she brings her fist down and shoves it into her pocket.

"Who is ittt?" Jules sings as she throws the door open. "Rue!"

"Hey. Uh, Maddy home?"

"Nope, she has afternoon classes today. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just- I wanted to see how she was doing and stuff."

"Ah, I see."

"You too! I mean, like, how are you? By the way, you should check the peephole before throwing the door open."

Jules giggles and pulls Rue inside of the apartment. Rue flinches a bit and reaches for her stomach. Jules grabs her arm to keep her stable.

"Hey, you alright? I didn't mean to pull on you that hard."

"No," Rue shakes her head "It's not that. I'm fine I'm just a little sore. I'm good."

Jules nods her head slowly like she doesn't believe Rue but Rue hopes that she'll just drop it. Since when did a sore stomach become the end of the world? It's honestly not that serious and Rue just feels like everyone is dragging it.

They both make their way to the couch that Rue is getting way too used to. She kind of likes it more than her bed.

"If you say so. But hey, I'm good! I mean, like I know Nate being around is creepy or whatever but I honestly feel pretty fucking great. At least we know he's in town, you know? Plus I feel totally capable of kicking his ass now."

Rue gives Jules a half-assed smile and Jules beams back at her. Rue notices she seems happier than usual.

"Well, that's good... I'm glad you're okay. Did you have classes today?"

"Yeah, I have morning classes. You?"

"Same."

"You went, even with that stomach pain?"

"I'm fine. It'll be gone by tomorrow."

"You look like you just got sucker-punched in the gut." Jules shakes her head.

Rue lets out a laugh but it doesn't last for long. That was a mistake.

The sharp pain comes back and she winces, hunching over in pain. Jules's eyes widen and she places a hand on Rue's back.

"Rue. What is it? What's wrong? Don't give that 'I'm sore' bullshit either."

Rue sucks in a breath and raises her head. "My stomach. I have a really bad cramp or something, I don't know. It's sharp and it's tight and it hurts. Really fucking bad. And no, before you ask, I'm not on my fucking period. I thought it would go away by now but- Fuck!"

"Okay," Jules nods, panicking. "It's okay. How long has it felt like this?"

"Just a few days. Maybe three days now. Fuck, I don't know." Rue lets her head hang again.

"It's okay. Shit, should we go to the hospital?"

"No!" Rue exclaims, head shooting back up. "No ER. This has happened before. It'll go away."

"It has?"

"Yeah. Senior year. It's stress. My anxiety is just really kicking my ass. But it'll go away, so no ER, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Jules agrees softly. "Why did you keep brushing it off? You're obviously in a lot of pain."

"Because I've been through this before. Alone. I can handle it. It gets bad but then it gets better. It would pass quicker if I could sleep it off but I have classes, so there's that."

Jules bites on her bottom lip in thought. Rue feels the hand on her back and the weight next to her disappear and she raises her head, looking around.

"Jules?"

The blonde emerges from her bedroom with a towel, an oversized shirt, and some underwear.

"Here."

"Are you trying to tell me I stink?"

Jules laughs. "No. A bath will help relieve some of your pain. Or a shower, whichever you're more comfortable with. No point in arguing that you can shower later because we all know a private bathroom is better than the ones on campus. Plus your clothes are kind of damp. So come on."

Rue is hesitant at first but eventually takes the pile from Jules and allows Jules to help her stand.

"Thank you for this. You don't have to," She smiles shyly and Jules rolls her eyes, smiling back.

"Please."

___

"Hey, is this mine?" Rue asks, tugging on the oversized band tee Jules provided. Everyone is really making a collection out of her clothes.

"Huh?" Jules glances up from her phone. "Oh, yeah. I have a bunch of your shit, I think. Sorry."

"It's cool, thief."

Rue peeks into Jules's bedroom. It pretty much looks like her bedroom back home but with way more clothes, posters, and makeup scattered around. Rue likes it. It's very Jules.

Jules laughs and extends her hands for Rue which she takes after making her way into the room and falls into bed with Jules. Rue gets settled underneath the covers and snuggles into the pillow, smiling. This is the most comfortable she's felt in a long time. Maybe since the summer. Jules's bed is like _really _fucking soft.

"Feel any better?" Jules asks, bringing a hand up to tuck some of Rue's hair behind her ear.

"A lot, actually. Thank you," Rue shuts her eyes. "I'm just still a little... I don't know, it still feels kind of—"

"— Tense?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I guess so."

Jules admires how beautiful Rue is and can't help the smile growing on her face. Rue looks so at peace snuggled up in _her _bed right now. She's glad Rue's eyes are closed right now or she would see how ridiculous Jules looks grinning over Rue. Or is that creepy? Whatever. Either way, Jules is glad Rue can't see her.

"Do you want me to help?"

Rue's eyes flutter open and she furrows her brows. "You've already helped. You're helping right now."

"I mean, like, relieve some of your pain."

"What're you a doctor now?" Rue jokes. Jules just grins at her and raises a brow.

"Maybe."

Rue shakes her head, "I'm confused. How are you going to- Oh. OH," She states, eyes wide. Jules nods at her and Rue tries to say something but she's honestly at a loss of words.

"No! No, you can't do _that_."

"Why? It's not like I haven't done it before. Besides, it's like scientifically proven that orgasming helps ease pain and shit. It's probably what you need for your pain to be like fully gone or whatever."

"Take me on a date first, at least," Rue says sarcastically and pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, genuinely contemplating whether or not she wants to let Jules '_relieve' _her. "Okay, yeah, no. No, we can't do that."

"Okay."

"I do need to get laid though," Rue points out, mostly to herself. She's really debating with herself right now when it's so obvious she would _love_ for Jules to make her come. What the hell is she doing? Besides ruining opportunities, of course.

"That's true."

Rue's mouth falls open and she hits Jules on the chest playfully. "Hey!"

"You said it, not me."

"Yeah, but you're not supposed to agree."

"It's okay. Your time will come... get it? Come."

When Rue doesn't laugh Jules moves to stand up.

"Tough crowd," She mumbles and rummages through a drawer before pulling out another towel and then ducks underneath her bed. Jules slides a shoebox to Rue and throws the towel at her.

When Rue peaks inside of the box her mouth drops again. It's full of sex toys all shapes and sizes. She gives Jules a '_what the fuck?_' look.

"If you don't want _me _to help you, at least let my friends do the trick. They're clean and there are condoms in the box in case you wanna... you know. You know, for maintenance! Use whichever ones you want. I'll give you some alone time. Do you want me to take a walk or something? Because I can do that so you're comfortable."

"I- No. I don't want you to leave for my sake." Rue tilts her head, peeking into the box again. "I'm just. I'm like a little lost here, I think. You want me to masturbate? In your bed? Like, right here, right now?"

"Yes! I told you orgasms help!"

"Okay but—"

"— No buts! Unless we're talking literally. You have the towel so that you don't fuck up my sheets and you have an orgasm waiting to happen. Take it or leave it, Rue!"

"Okay. Fine, whatever. Maybe you're right."

"Exactly. Enjoy!"

Jules skips out of the room and makes sure to wink as she shuts the door behind her.

Ugh, Rue is such a pussy. She's quick to use Jules's vibrator to get herself off but even quicker to reject Jules? What's up with that?

Like, ignoring the whole rocky friendship thing they have going on and their headache-inducing history, it wouldn't be that awkward. People sleep together all of the time and don't make a big deal out of it. Jules is like the queen of that shit. Rue remembers.

Rue remembers a lot, actually. Like how Jules's tongue does this thing and-

Ugh! Why is Rue such a dumbass?

Now she really does need to use one of these toys.

Okay, which one, though?

Let's see. There are a few bigger ones that Rue immediately skips over. She searches for a vibrator- because if we're being honest here, penetration isn't really her go-to- and finds two different ones. The pink one has multiple levels of vibration while the blue one just has one. Rue settles for the pink.

"Okay, uh." Rue quickly places the towel down and slips out of her underwear before situating herself on the bed. "I guess I'll just..."

The toy hums to life when Rue flicks it on. She raises her brows and shrugs, letting her hand find its way between her thighs.

"Oh," She gasps. "Okay."

Rue tries really hard to fight the thought of Jule's creeping into her mind as the vibrator distracts her from everything- the pain, the fact that she's in Jules's bed, recent events- and sends her into a state of bliss. Well, almost everything. Everything but Jules.

It's common for Jules to be on Rue's mind lately. Rue thinks about high school often, wonders how Jule's is doing during the week, and occasionally ponders where their friendship is headed now that they've started _somewhat _speaking again.

But the way Rue is thinking about Jules right now isn't so innocent.

The way Rue's imagining that it's Jules between her thighs right now instead of this janky little toy could get her into a whole lot of trouble. The way Rue is recalling all of her and Jules's hushed nights under the sheets and their not so quiet times locked away in Jules's bedroom when her dad was out of town? Yeah, that's gonna cause some trouble.

Trouble for herself, of course, because who the fuck is Rue kidding? Jules is living her dream life right now in New York with plenty of people to please and be pleased by. She doesn't need Rue or even want her, and she was only offering to help Rue out because she's in pain. Duh. So now Rue's stuck with her hands between her legs getting off to the thought of someone that doesn't even want her but Rue is pretty sure she still has feelings for. Good job, Rue.

Is this weird? Fantasizing about Jules? Even though Jules just offered to do what Rue is thinking about?

Nah, it's cool, right? It's not like it hasn't happened before. It's more like Rue is appreciating the memories.

These thoughts and questions only last for a second, though. They're gone as soon as Rue feels the muscles in her thighs and stomach clench and the previous pain in her stomach is replaced with a new type of tension, like a balloon waiting to pop. Her fingers slip the vibrator up a notch and Rue clenches her jaw, eyes squeezed shut.

Rue usually isn't the loudest person in the bedroom- in fact, she's pretty quiet. She might let out a few soft moans here and there after she comes or gets close to it, but other than that she's quiet.

Right now thought? She can't help it. Rue hasn't even masturbated in weeks and she's dying for a release here. She needs this. She deserves it.

"Oh fuck," She bites her lip, trying to contain herself but she can't help but let out a "Fuck!"

Rue throws her head back and her free hand covers her mouth, trying to keep herself somewhat quiet despite the soft mewls flowing from her mouth. She turns the vibrator off and pushes Jules out of her mind before giving herself a minute to come down from her post-orgasm high.

The brunette groans and pulls herself out of the bed, using the towel to clean herself up, before heading to the bathroom. Rue creeps into the hallway and peeps into the living room. She can't help but smile when she sees Jules on the couch, headphones on, bobbing her head to whatever she's listening to.

Thank god Jules didn't hear any of that.

Rue quickly washes the vibrator and dries it off before returning it to its box. She picks up her phone to text Jules.

_Rue: Hey... you can come back now. Or should I come to you? Is it gonna be weird to sleep in here now?_

_Jules: lmaooo_

_Jules: dw, coming (;_

A few seconds later Jules barges in- thankfully Rue just finished putting her underwear on- smiling.

"So?"

Rue glances at her, face scrunched, before looking down at her phone.

"So what?"

"So how was it?" Jules dives into the bed and pulls Rue down with her.

"Uh, I-" Rue's eyes widen.

How was it? _Seriously_?

Oh, yeah, it was great, I totally fantasized about you fucking me so that was cool. Like, how does someone even answer that?

"I, uh... it was fine. Yeah, it was like... fine." Rue stammers shaking her head.

Jules nods amusedly.

"Cool..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i usually don't write sexual content cause i feel like it always just turns out so awkward but i feel like it's something that needs to be addressed in this story, openly, so i hope this chapter wasn't too bad!! what did u guys think?? also- mama bennett (,:


	9. Fuck Nate Jacobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: slight mention of abuse
> 
> another emotional chap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO, I've been kinda mia lately and I'm sorry ab that- I had finals and personal issues that got in the way of me updating and writing. So here's an update, bc it's Christmas and all, and I hope you all enjoy it.

"Can I get you anything?"

"Jules, stop. You're amazing, okay? I'm good. Really."

Jules feels her heart flutter in her chest and a blush creep up to her cheeks. God, she should not be gushing right now.

"Okay. If you're sure that you're okay."

"I am. I'm good," Rue reassures.

"Good," Jules leans over to peck Rue on the forehead and rubs her stomach lightly. Rue hums at the contact and closes her eyes at the feeling of Jules's soft hand on the bare skin underneath her shirt.

"I want you to stay over."

"Can't," Rue mutters with her eyes still shut. "Have class."

"Me too. I'll skip. And I think you should too."

Rue opens her eyes at hearing this and laughs. Literally laughs in Jules's face.

"What? Are you sure _you're_ okay? I'm not skipping class no matter how compelling your bed is. And neither are you."

"It's nice right?" Jules grins. "But seriously, you shouldn't go to class in pain. You're fine for now but you need to relax a little longer. You said so yourself that it's stress and I just don't want you to get like riled up or something. And honestly, I never thought the day would come where I witness Rue Bennett refuse to skip class."

"Jules, I—" Rue is interrupted by her phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Rue, how are you feeling?"

Rue checks the time and realizes about four hours have passed since she talked to her mom. Jules watches her curiously, wondering who's on the phone. Jules barely sees Rue actually talk on the phone so it must be someone important.

"I'm feeling okay, mom."

"Uh huh. Your pain gone?"

"Yes actually," Rue chuckles lightly. "And I got out of bed, so don't worry. Jules is taking care of me."

Jules's eyes widen and she shakes her head, signaling for Rue to stop talking about her immediately. Rue furrows her brows and mouths 'what?'. She sits up and facepalms. Seriously? She loves Rue's mom so she's a little nervous right now. Leslie probably hates her guts and Jules can't bear to hear her disdain now that she knows Rue is with Jules.

"Did you say Jules?" Rue's mom asks and Rue hums, peeling Jules's hands off of her face and taking one of them in her own hand.

"Yep. I ended up at her place because it started raining and... yeah. I have to fill you in on some stuff, but she fed me, let me take a shower and everything. Pretty nice right?"

"Very. Well you tell Jules I say hello."

Rue sits up next to Jules and places her phone on her lap.

"She's right next to me, here I'll put you on speaker!"

"Oh, no that's okay—"

"— You're on speaker!"

Leslie sighs and Rue grins. She can imagine her mom shaking her head right now. Jules bites her lip, contemplating if she should say hello first or not and Rue gives her hand a squeeze.

"Hi, Jules. How are you?"

"Hi, Ms. Bennett! I'm good, thanks for asking. How are you?"

Rue gives Jules a look and Jules shrugs her shoulders. Jules is being so fake right now. This is like the most formal she's _ever_ been. Like, Rue didn't even realize Jules has manners. It's just Rue's mom. They literally know each other already, so why is she so nervous right now?

"I'm fine. Glad to hear that you're taking care of my daughter."

"Of course," Jules relaxes when Rue starts to play with her fingers. "It's my pleasure."

"Alright, well you girls have fun and call me immediately if your pain comes back, Rue. I love you."

"Love you," Rue smiles even though her mom can't see her. Leslie ends the call and Jules shoves Rue on the shoulder.

"Hey!"

"Bitch, why would you put me on the phone?"

"It's just my mom, Jules. Remember her? You _know_ her."

"She so hates me. I just know it."

Rue laughs, "Why would my mom hate you?"

"Senior year," Jules whisper-yells and looks down. She's afraid to speak about it let alone mention it. Rue is probably gonna up and leave now or start shutting her out again when they're just starting to make progress. Ugh, she's so dumb.

Rue's grasp on Jules's hand loosens slightly and Jules takes a breath, prepared for everything to go to shit. But Rue doesn't let go. She doesn't storm out like Jules just played out in her head.

"Oh," Rue nods, looking down as well. "Yeah, she might hate you."

Jules frowns and glances up at Rue. She feels her heart drop and her eyes tearing up and prays that a tear doesn't fall. This is so embarrassing. Jules feels like shit.

Rue looks at Jules through the curls covering her face and grins. "I'm kidding!"

She lifts her head completely and squeezes Jules's hand again. "My mom doesn't hate you. She still brings you up like all the time and talks about how she wishes we'll make up or whatever. Plus her and your dad are still like super cool, so there's that."

"You're such a fucking asshole," Jules laughs lightly and a single tear escapes the brim of her eye, which kind of burns from her holding her tears back. She honestly hates that she's being so emotional right now. Rue cups her face before she can wipe it away.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I swear my mom doesn't hate you."

"Do you?" Jules hesitates to ask, scared of the answer. Rue shakes her head.

"No. No one hates you."

Honestly, no one has to hate Jules. Sometimes she does a good enough job of doing so herself.

"I need some fresh air. Gonna go for a walk," Jules climbs out of bed.

"Okay, um, I'll come with you. Let me just—"

"— Actually, I think maybe I should just go alone, you know? I don't want your cramp to come back."

"Oh. Okay. Well, like, are you sure? Because it's getting dark soon." Rue points toward the window and Jules shakes her head as she throws some sweats on.

"I won't be gone that long." 

Rue knows when to take a hint. She watches as Jules collects her earphones and throws on a distressed hoodie that Rue is pretty sure is hers. Jules wears it better anyway.

"Love you," Jules hurries out of the room before Rue can even realize what she said and Rue falls back onto the bed, wondering what she did or said to make Jules freak out like that.

Was it the joke? Why is Jules so sensitive about their senior year anyway? Isn't Rue the one that should be crying? Jules abandoned _her_.

Rue never even considered that Jules could feel so bad about it because the blonde never reached out. Not during senior year, not after they moved to New York and began separate lives, not even during their first college winter break that Rue _knows_ Jules spent in East Highland. She was there too. Their parents hosted dinner together. Jules 'couldn't make it'.

Just thinking about it makes her head hurt. This entire situation is just a fucked-up mess and honestly, at this point, Rue is kind of over it.

Whatever happened, happened.

Now she and Jules are rekindling their friendship and it feels fucking great to be near Jules again. So fucking great. To talk to her, laugh with her, hug her. Rue loves being around Jules even if she hates to admit it and fights the truth. She loves Jules. Can't she just love her without everything being so complicated?

Jules feels the same way, though. She wishes they could really just ignore the past and all of the fucked up shit that happened between them.

But they can't.

For many reasons, the main ones being: one, that's not healthy, two, if they pretend like they're over what happened it'll just lead to Rue eventually hating Jules for real and three, Jules can't live with herself if she doesn't explain herself to Rue. Even if Rue doesn't forgive her or care or whatever- she has to get it off of her chest for her own sake and Rue's.

Because if she doesn't it's bound to just blow up in their faces. All of it. Their past, their unresolved feelings, and their present. Fuck, especially their present. And Jules can't lose Rue a second time. She really can't.

The thought alone causes Jules to walk a little faster and bury her hands deeper into the pocket of Rue's old hoodie.

Jules remembers wearing this exact hoodie home for the first time during the summer of their senior year- it was raining and Jules had to bike home even though she wanted nothing more than to stay. She told Rue she was taking her hoodie to keep from getting soaked but the truth is she just wanted to take part of Rue home with her. Cuddle up to it and fall asleep to the smell of Rue since she couldn't have actual Rue.

That routine never stopped. In fact, it only got worse as their relationship strained. By the time they stopped talking completely Jules' bedtime attire always consisted of a shirt or hoodie from Rue. Thank god Jules always 'forgot' to return Rue's clothes. It's not like she was missing them. In fact, Rue probably still has a mountain of all of the shit she mopped from parties back in high school.

And there's no way she's giving them back now. They're like basically hers. Plus Jules still needs them for when she misses Rue. Or is sad. Or in case things go to shit again... or all of the above.

Which is exactly why Jules is sporting one of Rue's hoodies right now. She's so fucking scared. Of losing Rue again, of not being enough, of Nate. Jules doesn't dare say it- or show it- but Nate being around scares the shit out of her. Who knows when or where he's lurking? What kind of evil plans he has in motion right now?

It scares her that he knows where she lives. And is obviously upset with Maddy. Probably upset with her and Rue now too.

But that's what really fucking frightens her. Just the thought of Nate even being near Rue makes her blood boil and her stomach churn. She needs to blow a safe little bubble around Rue and keep Nate far the fuck away from her.

Rue wouldn't even be involved in any drama with Nate if it weren't for Jules. Rue's stupidly impulsive protective instincts and her big fucking heart aren't a match for Jules' messy ass life. She hates that Rue is even near this mess. Near her.

Plus the last time Nate was in her life he pushed Jules to do some real impulsive shit. Like, cutting Rue off, for starters. Devote her senior year to partying. He also forced her into isolation though. Jules was too scared to be active on social media, she couldn't run, and there's no real community in East Highland. She was alone. And Jules fucking hates being alone.

So Jules hopes Nate is quick to leave. Because she can't imagine being alone right now.

Something stirs up inside of Jules and before she can process what's happening she's crying. Like hot tears are fucking pouring down and she can't see anymore. She sits down on a bench and lets herself cry. She sobs because it's all she knows how to do right now. Because she's alone, hurt, and vulnerable right now. She can't talk to anyone- she doesn't want to. She just wants to cry. So she does.

Sob after sob rack her body until she feels a little bit better about herself. Jules often has to remind herself that she's human and humans fuck up like all of the time. Plus her heart is too big and she relies on impulsive decisions instead of logical ones. She wishes she thought more. About her consequences, her future, just everything. Jules never thinks until it's too late.

That's why she's not even sure if it's worth it to open herself up to Rue. Rue deserves someone that thinks and has their shit together. Someone that's not afraid to be alone and that can be strong enough for both of them if Rue needs someone to lean on.

Rue deserves an equal- and Jules isn't sure she can be that. She's not sure if she'll ever be that. Rue needs stability. Jules is quite the opposite of what she needs.

And it breaks her heart because Jules is convinced that Rue is exactly what she needs.

Jules just fucking misses her best friend.

Another sob escapes Jules as she realizes this is the first time since her senior year that she has really cried. She fucking needs this, like more than anything. She needs her body to help her let go of some of the pain she's been carrying around.

Jules throws her head back and lets herself breathe after a few minutes. Her racing heartbeat and raging thoughts settle down until all she's focused on is taking steady breaths. The cool drizzling of the rain helps soothe her face that feels like it's on fire.

She remembers that she's not alone, trapped in her bubble, running out of air. She has a great roommate (finally) and Rue at home, plus the entire fucking city to keep her floating right now. She'll be okay.

She does make a mental note to schedule an appointment with her therapist, though.

"Shit," Jules blinks away the remainder of her tears and stands up from the bench. The sun is already starting to set.

___

Rue throws her hoodie over her head and opens the cabinet, searching for exactly what she needs to take the edge off.

"There you are," Rue grins.

"Ahh!"

"Ah!" Rue jumps around, ready to attack whoever the fuck just screamed loud enough to make her ears bleed with the can of cheddar Pringles she's armed with.

"Rue?"

"Literally, what the fuck, Maddy? You scared the fuck out of me. Shit."

"Jesus, do you really have to wear the hood up indoors too? I thought you were like robbing us or some shit," Maddy rolls her eyes and approaches Rue.

"Oh. So you _are_ robbing us."

"I'm not."

"You have a handful of Mallomars- which are Jules' by the way! Not mine. Like, I sneak some too but that has to be like half of her stash. She's gonna kick your ass."

Rue looks down at the chocolate-covered treats and contemplates whether or not she should put some back. She's taking some regardless- she fucking earned these, okay? Jules ran out on her without explanation and plus she's had a shitty past few days.

"They're my fav binging snack. Jules knows that, I'm the one that put her on. Look, I don't give a shit, I'm taking these."

"Wait, you're leaving? What if I wasn't home, were you just going to leave the fucking door unlocked?"

"Good thing you're home."

"Wait. Why are you here anyway? No offense, but like you usually only come over when you're dragged here or if I ask. Are you and Jules finally fucking?"

"I- What? No! No, we're not fucking." Rue's eyes widen.

_Finally _fucking? Does Jules really wanna fuck Rue? Is that, like, a thing?

Maddy hums and Rue shakes her head, "We're not!"

"Whatever. That chocolate is melting. How about we put a movie on and share those?"

Rue looks down at the snacks again before sighing. "Sure."

They make their way into Maddy's room and Rue flops down on the bed, watching as Maddy puts a random movie on. It looks like it's some type of horror-comedy? Yeah, Rue's not into this shit.

Unless we're talking about _Scary Movie_. Any one of them, really. Rue loves them all. Honestly though, who doesn't?

Maddy lies down next to her and grabs a Mallomar. Rue notices that it's starting to get dark out and wonders where Jules is. She hopes she's okay.

"So... how's Cassie?"

"How's Jules?"

"Oh, come on. I asked first."

"Well if you give me an answer I'll give you one."

"Jules is good. We're working on our _friendship_."

"Whatever bitch," Maddy laughs. She glances up at the ceiling and takes a bite of the marshmallow snack, smiling.

"Cassie is good. She claims we're not official but like, it feels like we are. We're good, you know?"

"That's good to hear. I'm happy for you guys."

"Thanks, Rue."

"No fucking on my bed though!"

"Too late."

"WHAT?"

"What's going on in here?" Jules asks, popping her head into the room. Rue ignores Jules, keeping her eyes trained on Maddy.

"Maddy, please tell me you're joking. Please tell me you didn't have sex on my fucking bed!"

"Oh, that's low. Did you fuck in mine too?"

"Not yet," Maddy smirks. Jules glares at her as she sits down next to Rue. "Joking!"

"About my bed too right?"

Maddy just gives Rue an apologetic look and pats her on the shoulder. Rue covers her face and groans, mumbling something about how she hates Maddy and Cassie.

"Where were you? You okay? You look like you've had a rough ass night."

"Where were you?"

"I asked first."

Rue finally looks at Jules and notices that trace of makeup she did have on earlier is gone and her eyes are kind of swollen. She wants to ask what's wrong but she's not sure if she should say something in front of Maddy.

"I went on a walk. I've been back for a few minutes now, actually. I had to change. But I guess you bitches were too busy stealing my Mallomars to notice."

"Oh shit," Maddy stares at Rue. Rue just takes another bite of the mallomar in her hand and they all burst out in laughter.

"Well, after class I went out to eat."

"With Cassie?" Rue questions.

"No. By myself."

"That's new."

"Well I needed to binge on my own. I'm stressed."

"You could've binged with me."

"Yeah, me too," Jules butts in. She lays down and snuggles into Rue's side, resting her head on Rue's chest. Rue wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her closer.

"Do you guys ever- Are you, um, like... Fuck, how do I put this without sounding crazy? Do you guys ever feel paranoid?"

"With Nate in town? Yeah. I wish we could just get rid of him for good." Rue face twists up as she thinks about Nate Jacobs reappearing in their lives. "Don't quote me on that, by the way."

"Yeah... Nate being in town is..."

"Nerve racking?" Jules chuckles humorlessly, knowing exactly how they feel.

"Exactly. I see a tall white guy down the street and I have the urge to turn around and walk the opposite way... I'm always on the edge of my seat. And it's like, I'm not fucking scared of him. At least I shouldn't be. I'm not scared of him hurting me or threatening or whatever the fuck he's trying to do."

Maddy's fists are clenching and she feels the tears pooling at her eyes but she's trying so fucking hard not to cry. When Rue slips an arm around her and pulls her into her and Jules' embrace she loses it. She lets out a small cry and Jules reaches over to grab her hand.

"But I'm scared because I know what he's capable of. I know he's hurt other people. I'm scared for you guys, and Cassie, and Lexi, and Kat, and whoever else I love. I wasn't here last time he came. What if—"

"— Hey. No ifs, okay?"

Maddy nods and squeezes Jules' hand until she's able to calm down and stop crying. Jules doesn't mind. And Rue doesn't mind the huge wet patch on her shirt. Maddy's glad to have them.

Maddy notices the few tear streaks on Jules' cheeks and wonders what's going on in her head. Look at them- ebullient, wild, Jules and confident, composed, Maddy in shambles. All at the hand of Nate fucking Jacobs. Who would've thought Rue Bennett would be the one literally holding them together.

"Jules, did Nate- did he ever...?"

Rue's eyes dart to Jules who quickly shakes her head.

"Nate never like... beat me or, like, anything..." Jules speaks carefully, trying not to offend Maddy. "Sorry. That sounds fucked up, I just- He never put his hands on me besides grabbing me roughly, or shoving me, or something."

"No, no it's okay. That counts too, you know? Don't ever downplay what that fuckers done." Jules nods and gives Maddy's hand a squeeze. "I'm gonna fucking kill him."

"God, yes," Rue encourages Maddy. "I'll help."

"Bitch. Me too. Fuck Nate Jacobs!"

"Fuck Nate Jacobs!" Maddy cheers, raising her middle fingers.

"Fuck Nate Jacobs." Rue nods, leaning down to kiss Jules on the forehead.

"Ugh, get a room."

"We're in one," Jules points out.

"One that's not mine then. I miss Cassie."

"Call her," Rue suggests. She taps Jules' thigh and sits up. "We'll give you guys some space to talk. Tell her how you're feeling, okay? She's worried. I don't think she knows how much this is really affecting you."

"Okay. Thanks, Rue. I love you, bitch."

"Love you too."

"Let's go to bed. My head hurts," Jules tugs Rue towards her bedroom.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news and bad news! I'll start with bad news. I'm gonna be taking another break from updating for awhile so that I can write a few more chapters so I have something to post consistently again; but the good news is that I have a new laptop and plenty of ideas for this story so it shouldn't take too long.


	10. Not a Bad Person, Just a Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> t/w: mention of drug abuse

Rue pauses her current episode of 'How to Get Away With Murder' at the abrupt knocking on her dorm door. She waits a second to see if it'll continue, only for it to get more persistent. She glares at the door and pulls the blanket she's tangled up in over her head.

"Ugh, fuck," Rue kicks the blanket off of her and pulls herself out of bed. "Jesus, just wait a fucking second!"

She opens the door already slightly irritated, "What do you want? Why are you trying to break my door down?"

"Where were you, Rue? You know today was a notes day. You're lucky we're in the same class." Lexi scolds, peering over Rue's shoulder. "Are you- are you watching 'How to Get Away With Murder'? You're fucking joking right?"

"I wasn't feeling well. I already emailed my professors," Rue informs her and shrugs her shoulder. "Annalise comforts me."

"Yeah, so, you're full of shit," Lexi accuses, pushing past Rue to enter the dorm. "You told me just last night you feel completely better, remember? You told me you were at Jules' being taken care of. Oh my god- Is that why you skipped, cause of Jules?"

Rue shifts under Lexi's uncomfortable squint and makes her way to her bed again.

"No. That's dumb, why would I skip cause of Jules?I left Jules' place this morning." She falls back onto the mess she calls her bed. "I didn't go to class because I didn't want to and honestly, Lexi, I don't fucking have to."

Rue is so fucking sick of everyone trying to advise her in every little decision she makes. It's like they think she needs guidance just to figure out what to eat for fucking breakfast or something. Well, the joke is on them because Rue doesn't eat breakfast. Or need any guidance.

Like, having people care about her isn't bad. That's not the problem. She appreciates them, really, she does. But she's still a little pissed from this morning.

After Jules convinced Rue to stay last night she got a text from Anna saying she wanted to say her goodbyes and Jules told Rue that she would be back.

Okay, cool, no problem, right?

Well, Jules didn't fucking come back. Rue stayed up for probably two hours after she left waiting for her until she eventually fell asleep and woke up to nothing. _Nothing! _Rue woke up in Jules' empty bed with no texts or calls- after Jules was the one that convinced _her _to stay over and skip class! Well... Rue could've still went to class but she was too pissed.

So yeah. Rue skipped fucking class. And she isn't really up to talking to anyone right now. She just wants to sleep for a while. Or watch Annalise Keating dominate.

"Uh, yes you do, Rue. What if I wasn't there to take notes? Huh, then what?"

"Then, I don't fucking know, Lexi!" Rue throws her arms up. "Just leave me alone so I can finish this season."

"Rue, I'm not gonna leave you alone to spiral," Lexi frowns.

"Okay, then do you want to finish the season with me?"

"What I want," Lexi sits next to Rue, "Is for you to not skip class. You've been doing really well. What's up?"

"Everyone keeps asking me that. What if nothing is wrong? What if I just don't want to talk about it?" Rue groans.

"Okay. Fine, that's fair. Just promise me you'll be in class tomorrow?"

"Sure, whatever, Lexi," Rue rolls her eyes and reaches over to press play. Lexi gives her a small smile and leans over to rest her head on Rue so she can get a better view of the screen.

"I already watched this episode."

"No spoilers!"

* * *

Lexi only stayed long enough to finish one episode but Rue's just glad she stayed at all. It's been a while since she's spent quality time with Lexi since the whole confessing her feelings thing, so even if she had to get lectured a little bit it was worth it. She's missed her friend. Plus, she let Rue copy her notes.

Rue's on the third season finale when she hears a light knock on the door.

It can't be Lexi because she said she was going to study for a quiz and Cassie is at work. Maddy never visits Rue and Kat is in class. As far as Rue knows, no one else she knows is aware of where her dorm is so she has no idea who is at the door right now. But she's going to ignore them because this episode is too intense for her to pause.

The person knocks again, louder this time, and Rue flares her nostrils.

"You're fucking kidding right?" She whispers to herself as she drags herself to the door. Rue throws the door open, frowning, and frowns even harder when she sees who's on the other side. "What do you want?"

"Hey!" Jules invites herself in and bounces into the room. Her hair is tucked into a neat bun with a few loose strands in the front and she's wearing her typical choice of a skirt and platform sneakers, paired with a tie-dyed turtleneck. She picks up a textbook lying on Rue's desk and flips it open.

Rue shakes her head lightly, eyebrows creased. "Uh, hi? What do you want?"

Jules places the random book she was observing down and looks up at Rue. She seems unfazed by Rue's harshness. "I thought you were skipping class?"

"Yeah, I did." Rue crosses her arms.

"Oh. So then why did you leave my place?"

"Because why the fuck was I going to sit there alone, Jules? I can do that in my own room. Even if your bed is like, way better. And your couch. And the bathroom. Look- there was no point in me staying."

"Rue, I told you I would be back!" Jules' eyebrows furrow but she lets out a light chuckle.

"Jules, I left this morning. I waited for you, like, all night. You're full of shit, okay? I didn't even get a text."

"Fuck. I'm sorry, Rue, my phone died. Like, swear to god. And there was no place for me to charge it. I didn't get home until this morning but I wasn't expecting my bed to be _empty_. I had an entire day planned for us!"

"Whatever, Jules." Rue climbs under her blanket again and slides her laptop in front of her face. Jules follows her onto the bed and slaps her hand away from the keyboard. Rue's eyebrow twitches up.

"Are you mad at me? I don't want to fight again."

"I'm not mad. I just want to finish my show." Rue sighs.

"You seem mad."

Rue snatches her laptop away from her, "Jules, I really don't care that you spent the night with Anna! Without a heads up. After begging me to stay over. It's totally cool! I just want to finish my fucking show so please, let me do so."

"Technically, I did give you a heads up," Jules raises her brows evocatively.

"FYI, saying you'll be right back is not a heads up if you don't come back. But okay. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Jules pouts and crosses her arms. Rue is right, she fucked up. She should've tried her best to let Rue know she wouldn't be back until morning instead of just assuming Rue would wait around for her. Why would she anyway? If they were still in high school then maybe. Maybe Rue would wait around for Jules while she was out with someone else but not anymore. Rue's just fucking over it at this point.

"I'm sorry. I should've called you from another phone or something, I wasn't thinking. I don't want you to be upset with me, okay? I know you are."

Just yesterday they were doing great. Rue was finally getting comfortable around Jules again and their friendship was actually going somewhere. She totally has the right to be upset- Jules wasn't even anticipating to spend the night with Anna but they both just got caught up and- Okay. Yeah, there's no valid excuse but Jules just hopes that her spending the night with Anna isn't going to ruin things between them, even if Rue is upset right now.

"Okay."

"I don't want to fight. I'll make it up to you."

"Okay," Rue says sharply and rolls her eyes. Can Jules just fucking drop it already?

"Scooch over," Jules tugs the blanket from under Rue.

"What? Why?"

"I want to watch too. Scooch!"

"Jules, you don't even watch How to Get Away With Murder," Rue points out but obliges anyway, scooting over so Jules has room to climb in bed next to her. Jules lies down next to Rue and Rue rests the laptop on her stomach so that both her and Jules can watch.

"I do now."

* * *

Jules ended up falling asleep on Rue's shoulder after about ten minutes. She was actually really into the show, she just didn't get any sleep- like at all- because it turns out she went straight to her classes after seeing that Rue was gone and stopped by the dorm right after she got out. Maddy sent her the address.

Rue shuts her laptop and pushes it off to the side of her, safe from being knocked off of the little space of the bed left to offer. She's taking a break from binging for now because she can't focus on the episodes anyway. She's too busy thinking about the blonde wrapped up in her arms, the brunette that was just in her dorm earlier today, and how shitty her life has been lately.

With Nate popping up, Anna being an ass, Lexi rejecting her, and her realizing her feelings for Jules, Rue thinks it's fair to say she's had a hectic two months. It always feels like she doesn't know what's going on or that too much is going on and she just can't take it anymore. Why can't shit just be easy for once?

Well, the whole Lexi situation is pretty simple. Rue might as well get over her feelings for Lexi because as far as she knows their friendship is staying exactly how it is- a friendship. It's not like it's breaking Rue's heart or anything. It's honestly whatever. It's just annoying that Rue always feels so at ease around Lexi and looks forward to seeing her whenever she can because Rue rarely feels this way about people and the last time she did things didn't turn out so great...

But Lexi feels so damn safe to Rue. Rue's not sure why she didn't realize her feelings for Lexi sooner, but she realized she felt this way about her best friend at the very beginning of this school year. They had just got out of their first shared class and were in the library studying when Lexi confessed to Rue how she's "really glad they're in this together" and that she's "not sure what she would do" without Rue. Something in Rue just clicked after that.

It was kind of like: Oh shit, this girl. I really like her.

Is that lame? Rue is kinda lame.

In all honesty, Lexi is someone Rue wouldn't mind settling down with. But Rue has to remind herself that just because Lexi makes her swoon and feel really good that doesn't mean that a relationship would even work out between them. Like, in Rue's past experience having feelings for your best friend fucking sucks plus she's known Lexi for like her entire life and is just now seeing her as more than a friend? Sometimes, she can't wrap her head around it.

What she can wrap her head around, though, is why Lexi is trying to focus on herself right now and try new things. Like, Rue didn't realize at the time because she was oblivious as fuck and too focused on getting her next fix to pay attention to Lexi, but Lexi has totally been crushing on her for the longest. She needs to meet new people, develop new feelings, figure out what she really likes.

Rue gets it. She should do the same, honestly, because she's a little confused as to how she's crushing on Jules fucking Vaughn once again.

Seriously, what is it with her and best friends?

Like, Rue is still upset with Jules but if she's being honest she's not sure how long that will last- and it fucking sucks because she's starting to feel like she's in high school again and Rue Bennett never wants to revisit how she was treated high school.

Jules ditching her for Anna is actually hurting her feelings more than she's willing to let on but Rue _is_ willing to push her feelings aside right now and focus on how she and Jules are building their friendship again. She's convinced it's just her feelings for Jules making her feel so upset about the Anna situation anyway. Probably, like, jealousy or something.

But to be real, no one deserves to get blown off like that. No matter if you're friends, lovers, or whatever. It sucks to wait around, expecting someone to come back to you, just to be blown off. It makes Rue feels like she doesn't matter. Like she's just on the back burner and is only convenient to have around, but not worth a fucking text letting her know what's going on.

"I can almost hear your thinking, you know."

Rue jumps a bit, startled by hearing Jules' voice. Her eyes dart away from the ceiling, which she's been staring at for _at least_ five minutes, to see the blonde looking up at her.

"How long have you been up?"

"Just for a minute. Why did you let me fall asleep? I was enjoying the show," Jules pouts and tugs the blanket Rue placed over her while she was sleeping up to her chin.

"You didn't get any sleep, I figured you needed the rest. Plus, you're kind of a cute sleeper.

"Kind of?"

"Yep."

"So you were watching me sleep?"

"Alright, I take it back." Rue nudges Jules out of her arms and away from her.

"I'm kidding!" Jules laughs and Rue laughs with her, letting her settle back into her side. "Hey... I'm sorry again, for like--"

"-- Ugh, Jules you're seriously killing the moment,"

"I'm serious, Rue!" Rue meets Jules' eyes and notices how they're wide but in that puppy-dog kind of way that Jules always does when she's upset or serious about something.

"Look, I already told you it's fine. Let's just move on okay?"

"You shouldn't say things are okay when they're not. And you shouldn't ignore your feelings."

"Jules."

"I'm just saying, I know from experience! But moving on."

"Thank you."

* * *

It was a struggle but Rue has officially made it through the week. Even though she really didn't want to, or have the energy to, she went to class every day like she promised Lexi she would. But once her classes were over she was right back to binging shows, napping, or stuffing her face with cereal. She even cancelled all of her tutoring sessions so that she could mope in peace. That might hurt her pockets, but oh well.

Part of Rue wishes she could just escape from everything going on lately. Besides her crushing on two of her best friends, Nate still nagging at the back of her mind, and her thinking about how she got ditched for Anna, the holidays are coming up- along with finals- and Rue misses her family like crazy. 

Then there's the part of Rue's brain reminding her that there is a way she could escape from everything... If she would just-

No. No, she can't. She won't.

Rue refuses to fuck up her sobriety no matter how tempting, and hard, things may be. She's had to stop herself from doing something dumb a few times this week. And things are just harder when there's no one around to distract you or stop you from fucking up as well. But what can Rue expect when she's the reason why she's isolated?

"Fuck."

Rue checks her phone for the time and grabs her keys from her desk. She can really use an NA meeting right now.

* * *

"What if we went trick or treating?"

"No." Maddy shoots Lexi's idea down immediately.

"Well, why not?"

"Just no."

The girls are currently sitting in the dining hall of Rue, Lexi, Cassie, and Kat's school. Jules and Maddy decided to join them for lunch. Rue isn't actually sure why they're here but she wasn't planning on leaving campus at all and she's assuming they joined because Cassie knew it was the only way she could get the entire group together again. It's been almost three weeks since everyone has hung out together.

It has also been almost a month since Rue's been in her depressive state and it's fair to say everyone is clueless as to what to do. She's been managing to go to class, maintain her hygiene, and hang out with at least one of the girls once a week but it sucks to see her so... down all of the time.

So right now everyone is trying to figure out what to do for Halloween... which is this weekend. Rue planned on staying in bed and binging another show, probably something scary for the occasion, but Jules and Cassie are hellbent on dragging her into their plans so she's not left with much choice anymore unless she wants to face the wrath of either girl- or worse- both. Rue knows they just want her to be with them on Halloween because they think it'll cheer her up and get her out of her funk and yeah, no... It's not gonna happen. But she'll entertain the thought anyway and attend their festivities.

"I know someone that's throwing a party."

"Yeah, you always know someone," Kat comments without looking up from her phone. Maddy's brows furrow and she crosses her arms.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Isn't there going to be a huge party on Friday though? Like everybody is going to be there. Do you really want to go to two parties?" Lexi frowns and Maddy shrugs.

"What do you think, Rue?"

"Huh?" Rue looks up from her plate and stares at Cassie. She's spent the past few minutes daydreaming while everyone shares their plans for the weekend. "Um... I don't know."

"Rue, what are you doing on Halloween?"

"Sleeping," Rue replies unenthusiastically as she takes a sip of juice. 

"No way," Jules shakes her head. "Hey, how about we all just do Halloween at me and Maddy's place? It can be a chill thing, we invite some friends, maybe order some pizzas?"

"I'm down," Maddy nods her head. Cassie hums in agreement.

"Great! I can't wait for you guys to meet my new friends. They're great," Lexi beams.

"I don't have any friends to invite. But pizza sounds nice so I'll come."

"I'm with Rue on this one," Kat raises her cup at Rue from across the table. Rue raises hers too and they nod, laughing.

"So it's settled. Let's get this spooky weekend started, bitches!"

* * *

"What is she doing here?"

"Staying with us for the weekend, I guess. Jules said it was a last-minute thing but she seemed excited about her being here so I was like okay cool, whatever, you know?"

"Hm," Rue's mouth twists up in disdain but she doesn't say anything. Instead, she focuses on the notebook in her hands and the notes she's currently taking. Rue senses when Maddy glances up at her but doesn't tear her eyes away from her notes until Maddy snatches the book away.

"Hey!"

"You're doing that thing."

"What thing?"

"That thing you do when you're avoiding your feelings. In case you haven't noticed, your face tells it all. You're jealous?"

"No. And my face does not give away how I feel, thank you very much. If it did you would be able to tell I'm bored of this conversation already and want to get back to my homework, if you don't mind."

"Nobody wants to get back to homework. But whatever, here you go," Maddy drops the notebook onto Rue's lap and stands up. "I'm gonna go pee. Don't miss me too much."

Rue laughs, "Yeah, don't count on it. Maybe I'll be able to actually get some work done."

Maddy pokes her tongue out before making her way to the bathroom and Rue begins to jot some more notes down. Her focus doesn't last for long because as soon as she hears the bathroom door shut she feels as if someone is staring her down.

At first, she shakes it off. Must be paranoia or something, right?

Then she starts to get annoyed when the feeling doesn't go away and decides to look up to check.

"Can I help you?"

"Sorry..." Anna fully steps into the living room area and grabs something off of the table that's right in front of Rue. "I needed to grab this but I didn't wanna bother you."

"Right, because you just staring at me from behind the wall totally didn't disturb me."

Anna chuckles cautiously and hugs the case, of what Rue is assuming to be makeup, close to her chest. "Listen... I hope me being here isn't, like, fucking up whatever you and Jules have going on. I know you don't like me, and that's fine, but I just want you to know I don't pose as a threat or anything. Trust me, Jules can't get enough of you. Whatever we have going on isn't nearly as satisfying to her as whatever it is between you two."

"W-what?" Rue asks, taken aback.

"Well, you two have something going on, right? I mean, I figured you guys weren't dating but there has to be _something _there."

"There isn't. Jules and I are friends. That's it. Not like it's any of your business."

"Nope, you're totally right. My bad."

"And I never said I didn't like you." Everyone knows that Rue and Anna don't get along, and Rue doesn't necessarily like her but she's not sure she dislikes her either. Most of the time she just tries to ignore her existence.

"But even if I didn't, it wouldn't have anything to do with you posing a 'threat'," Rue squints her eyes, "It would probably be because you've been nothing but a bitch to me since we met. This is probably the only time you've ever said something to me that doesn't make me want to storm out. Again."

"Not on purpose, though! Honestly, I think we just met at the wrong time and under the wrong circumstances. I'm not a bad person."

"I don't think you're a bad person. Just a bitch."

"I guess that's fair enough... but I'm not a bitch, either. I just..."

Rue waits for her to continue, eyebrows raising.

"I don't know. I did kind of come at you that night at the club and I'm sorry. I still don't know why it was that big of a deal, but it doesn't matter. I shouldn't have acted like that. Any other time I've offended you... It was probably because I was jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yeah... I notice the way Jules looks at you and talks about you. She fucking adores you, even if you two have a complicated ass situation. She hasn't directly said it but... I think she's still in love with you. And it kinda sucks because I _actually_ have feelings for her."

"Oh." Rue's eyes widen and she looks back down at the notebook resting on her lap.

Jules is in love with her? No, that can't be right. Anna is just lying and trying to get Rue to look like a damn fool. Well, it won't work. Rue knows better than to fall for that. There's no way Jules is in love with her.

"So, you and Jules?" Rue shuts her notebook. Anna clears her throat and sits down across from her.

"We're just friends. Like I told you, I'm not here to pose a threat."

"Look, I don't care what you and Jules do. If she's happy then that's great."

"Right... Well, I think Jules would be able to give you a clearer answer if you really wanna know."

Rue bursts into laughter at that. Jules and clear answers? Not a good combo. She shakes her head and waves a hand at Anna. "Now that was a good one."

"Anyway, I know we got off on the wrong foot but I'm glad we got to have this talk. Maybe now you'll see that I'm not as bad as you thought. If your mind didn't change, that's cool too, but I really hope we can be friends one day. No matter how things turn out with Jules for either of us, I want to always have her in my life. And I know that means having you around too."

Damn, this girl is good. She almost makes Rue want to take her up on that offer of friendship. Almost.

"You're not so bad, I guess." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! I'm not back from my hiatus yet BUT I realize that I haven't updated in like... forever and I miss this story so here's an update!! I'm still working on more chaps but ily all and hope u enjoy this chap (:


	11. Read the Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is an intense one! buckle up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: substance abuse, addiction, major depression and anxiety!!

"I take it back. She is  _ so  _ bad." Rue is glaring across the room so intensely you'd think she's playing the jealous mistress in a drama- like Lisa from Obsession. You know, the one with Beyoncé.

"What?" Kat asks, furrowing her brows.

"Huh? Oh, nothing."

Rue's currently leaning on the kitchen counter in Jules and Maddy's place. It's Halloween and a bunch of people Rue has never seen before are packed into the apartment. It turns out a 'few' friends for Maddy and Jules actually means an entire fucking crowd. 

That's not why Rue is glaring though. 

All that ' _ I'm not a bad guy' _ and ' _ I hope we can be friends' _ bullshit Anna sold to Rue? Well, Rue was right, Anna is trying to play her like a new toy opened on Christmas morning. Rue would say she can't believe it but she can. Anna is like the master of manipulation, but Rue is onto her.

She's not exactly sure what her angle is though. Make Rue believe Jules is in love with her so she confronts her about it and ruins the friendship? Drive Rue away from Jules? Or maybe she's feeding bullshit to Jules too in hopes that Jules will run for the hills. Not a threat my ass.

What type of person that's 'not a threat' shoves their tongue down the throat of the person that Rue obviously has feelings for?

Wait. Rue didn't mean that.

Well, she did, but getting in Jules' pants isn't the biggest threat that Anna is posing. It's getting into Jules' heart.

Now, Rue doesn't wanna sound selfish, or possessive, or insecure, but she knows that Jules' heart is so fucking big. Like, you could probably fit a huge ass country in there type of big. And Rue wants the whole thing for herself.

Not the whole thing actually. She can make some space for Jules' dad, and Gia, and her own mother, plus the girls and whatever other close friends Jules wants to fit into her heart. Honestly, the problem isn't sharing Jules' heart or love. It's sharing her intimacy. Because Jules can love whoever she wants, but if they're not the person she's  _ in love _ with, they don't have access to the special pieces of her heart.

Those are the pieces Rue wants. All to herself.

The only problem is Rue isn't sure Jules is capable of being monogamous.

Like, the only time Rue has witnessed Jules be somewhat close to 'monogamous' is when she was convinced she was in love with Tyler, who turned out to be Nate Jacobs, and even then they weren't really together so does that even count? Rue and Jules were never officially together either and Jules told Rue she was in love with her but that didn't stop Jules from being with other people and ‘loving’ other people as well.

See the problem?

Rue doesn't want to share. Plus, she can barely handle opening herself up to one person, how could she handle two? She just can't imagine being in an open relationship- even right now, while she has feelings for two of her closest friends. Rue rather just be with one of them than to get the best of both worlds. Does that make her crazy?

"Don't pay them too much attention," Kat pats Rue on the shoulder. "Anna will be gone in a few days and Jules will be all over you again. Don't worry."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rue chuckles nervously. Kat just gives her a look and rolls her eyes.

"It's annoying, isn't it? Them almost literally being up each other's ass all the time?"

"Well. Yeah, kind of."

"Don't worry. You're not the only one ready for her to go."

"You don't like her?"

"Eh. I-" Kat's cut off by someone tugging her towards the crowd of people. "I'll explain later, Rue! I'll be right back."

Rue sighs and sinks a bit more into the corner. She tugs on her suspenders as she scans the room for the rest of her friends. Maddy and Cassie are gathered around the couch, entertaining their friends, Jules seems to be in deep conversation with Anna whom she's sitting with in another corner of the room, and Lexi- who Rue is fucking matching costumes with, by the way- is somewhere in the crowd entertaining her friends as well. Rue doesn't even see Kat.

All alone. There was really no purpose in Rue coming to this fucking party. Especially not when Jules and Cassie were the main ones begging her to come yet they haven't even acknowledged her presence.

"Tired of the party already?"

Rue glances at the short redhead that approaches her and shrugs her shoulders. "Yeah, well, I wasn't really expecting it to be a party. I was told there would just be a 'few friends' coming over."

They laugh and Rue notices how white their teeth are. They're really pretty. Like they could be a model, type of pretty.

"Always be prepared for a party with Jules and Maddy. I'm Maia, I attend the same school as them. She/her pronouns, by the way. " Maia reaches her hand out for Rue to shake. A handshake? That's different.

"Nice you meet you, Maia," Rue shakes her hand and offers a small smile. "I use she/her pronouns too."

"So how'd you end up here?"

"I'm close with Maddy and Jules. I'm Rue, by the way. I totally almost forgot to give you my name."

"Oh, I know who you are. You're even more gorgeous in person than I thought you would be! Come on, the group  _ has _ to meet you."

"Uh-"

Maia drags Rue towards the group of people lingering near Jules and Anna.

"Guys! So this is Rue. She's hot right?"

"Oh my god, totally, but like kinda in a mysterious way." Rue recognizes this girl from Jules' Instagram. According to Jules, she's naturally flirty and that's how she manages to score help on most of her assignments.

"You're Rue? Jules has taste!" A deeper voice butts into the convo and Rue chuckles nervously. Does Jules really talk about her that often?

"Come on, guys, leave her alone," A guy Rue recognizes from Maddy's friend group scolds. "Ignore them. I'm Diego."

Rue wraps her arms around herself and gives him a small smile. "Rue. It's nice to meet you. All of you." Diego returns her smile and gives her shoulder a soft squeeze. 

"Hey, Jules! Get your ass over here! Shouldn't you be introducing us to your friend?" The flirty girl whose name Rue cannot remember calls Jules over and Rue clears her throat.

She's not really in the mood to socialize right now, especially if Anna is involved. And if Jules is involved then Anna is bound to be too.

Jules turns around at hearing her name being called and lights up when she notices Rue cowering in the mix of her friends. She makes her way towards the group with Anna and TC in tow.

At least Rue knows TC and actually likes them. The two are not exactly friends but at least they're not a stranger.

"Rue! Hey, why didn't you come up to me sooner? How long have you been here?"

"I don't know, maybe an hour?" Rue mumbles, looking away from Jules. That's a lie. She's been here for almost two hours, but of course, Jules wouldn't know that. 

Diego raises his head curiously and glances between Rue and Jules. Rue definitely does not want to be here right now. 

"No way!" 

"Believe it," Rue raises her brows sarcastically and rolls her eyes.

"It's nice to see you again, Rue." TC reaches over to hug Rue and she returns their hug. At least TC isn't full of shit.

Jules falls into conversation with Maia and a few of her other chicks and Diego takes this as his chance to save Rue from another second of awkwardness. He taps Rue's arms and nods his head to the side, signaling for her to follow him.

He leads them towards a less crowded part of the room just for Lexi to spot them and pull them into a conversation with her and her friends. Rue is finally meeting the friends she's heard Lexi ramble on about for weeks and they're actually not too bad... one of them, Gavin, pointed out their matching detective costumes and said they may be the best dressed tonight so she kind of likes him the most. 

"Diego, I've been looking for you!"

Rue turns around hearing Maddy's voice and Cassie's face lights up when she sees Rue. Rue has been talking with Lexi's crew and Diego for the past thirty minutes and _of_ _course_ someone had to come and interrupt the only good part of her night so far.

"Rue," Cassie pulls Rue into a tight hug. "I've been looking for you. Why didn't you text me?"

She doesn't have the energy to hug back and Cassie must notice because she pulls away quicker than usual. She's about to say something when Maddy interrupts her.

"Come on, I need your help. Hi, Rue! We'll be back for you in like three minutes!" Maddy grabs Cassie and Diego and drags them towards her bedroom. Diego gives Rue an apologetic look before he's absorbed by the crowd and Rue sighs.

She's already fallen out of the conversation and now she has no idea where Lexi went either.

Within a few minutes Rue is somewhat secluded in the kitchen. There are some kids dressed like they walked out of the Dynasty costume department so Rue is pretty sure they go to Maddy and Jules' school. They're not paying her any mind which she's thankful for because she's not in the mood to meet any more people tonight.

She doesn't know why she doesn't just go home. It's not like she'll be missed or anything.

Kat, Jules, Lexi, Cassie, and Maddy all ditched her. They convinced her to show up- god, Lexi even suggested she and Rue wear these dumb matching outfits- just to not pay her any mind!

Don't get her wrong, Rue isn't begging for attention, but why does it feel like she's invisible? Why does it feel like everyone keeps telling her they have her best interest in mind just for them to fuck her over? Is Rue  _ that _ naive?

Well, she's done listening to her friends. Fuck them, fuck this party, and fuck everything else.

She leans against the counter, head hanging and fists balled, accepting what she's been too busy ignoring to process.

Rue is fucking angry. She's sad, hurt, angry, and confused. She's scared she'll end up alone, she's worried everyone is getting tired of her, she's pissed that she's just waiting for someone or something to help her feel better when she knows it's not gonna happen. Life doesn't work that way.

"Uh, are you okay?"

Rue jerks up and turns around so quickly she bumps into the person that's probably questioning her sanity right now. 

"Shit, sorry!"

They jolt away from Rue and scoff, mumbling something that Rue can't make out as they walk out of the kitchen. She bets ten dollars they're going to tell their friends that there's a fucking train wreck in the kitchen.

Rue takes a step, ready to bolt from possibly the worst party of her entire life- and she's been to  _ a lot _ of shitty parties- when she feels something underneath her shoe. She lifts her foot and gasps when she sees what she stepped on.

It's a small bag.

A small bag of pills.

That person must've dropped them when they collided with Rue. Either the world is taunting her right now or it's her lucky fucking day.

She's crouched down over the pills, frozen. What should she do? What the fuck does she do?

Rue is not thinking clearly. Everyone else will understand, right? Like, it'll just be a one-time emergency use or something. That can't count, right? It won't count. It won't even matter because no one will notice. Rue can get away with it. She knows she shouldn't pick the fucking bag up. She'll end up doing something bad. She can't fuck up like this. Not right now, not ever again.

Fuck it. 

Rue snatches the baggy and scrambles to the bathroom. She almost trips trying to open the door and hurries to lock it once she's in. She needs to hurry up before she processes what she's doing and regrets it. 

She fumbles to get the bag open and accidentally drops a few pills, cursing to herself as she drops down to pick them up. Abrupt knocking on the door causes her to drop them again.

Rue almost curses whoever's on the other side of the door out before she hears them speak.

"Rue? I saw you come in here, you okay? You looked like you were in a hurry."

"Shit." Rue's eyes widen. "Shit shit shit."

"Rue!" The doorknob rattles. "Why the fuck are you freaking out right now? Swear to god, I will knock this door down."

"Uh, one sec! I'm just- I'm peeing!" Rue turns the sink on and dumps the pills into the toilet before flushing them.

She slowly opens the door to be met with a pissed, yet worried, looking Kat. 

"Heyyy, Kat..." 

Kat pushes past Rue and inspects the room. Rue pulls her lip into her mouth and silently does a prayer. She's never been the religious type but  _ please god _ , don't let Kat find anything.

Just as the thought crosses Rue's mind Kat bends down and picks a small pill up, looking up at Rue.

"Kat, I-"

"- Did you take this shit, Rue?"

"No! I- You barged in here before I could, I swear!" Rue stutters.

"Where'd you get it from?"

Rue feels tears brim her eyes and shakes her head. She hates being interrogated as if she's a fucking criminal. It was a mistake. She almost fucked up but at least she didn't! She's still clean. She's fine!

"I didn't take any, Kat," Rue frowns. Why won't Kat believe her? Why does she care anyway? Part of her wants to lash out on Kat and the other part of her wants to just disappear.

"Don't fucking lie to me Rue."

"I didn't fucking take anything!" Rue shouts yet sobs out at the same time and they hear a few hushed whispers outside of the door.

Great, now everyone will know Rue has a drug problem. "Why do you fucking care anyway? Didn't you leave me alone for like an hour? All of my friends fucking left, so thanks for that. Why am I even here, I didn't wanna come in the first place! Just leave me the fuck alone because it's not like you really care anyway," She glares at Kat through her tears.

Kat's angry expression softens and she scans Rue's face before pulling her into a hug. 

"I care about you so much, Rue. I was just scared. Fuck, I am scared. I don't wanna see you hurt yourself like this. Ever. I'm so fucking sorry."

Rue's eyebrows furrow a bit but she hugs Kat back and they stand there for a bit, silently hugging.

"I didn't know you cared so much."

Like, yeah Rue and Kat have grown closer but Rue still never thought anyone besides Jules and Lexi really gave a shit about her addiction. Most of them thought she was dead while she was in rehab, so she didn't really think they cared at all.

"Well, I do. So don't do any dumb shit or I'm gonna be really upset," Kat picks her head up from Rue's chest. 

Honestly, in their junior year of high school, Kat didn't really give two shits about Rue and what she did but then she met Jules and naturally, she and Rue started to become closer too. Now they hang out like all of the time and of course, Kat fucking cares about whether or not Rue is using. She'd hate to see her like that ever again. Or even worse, dead. It scares the shit out of her. 

In high school she may not have been the best, but now Kat is fierce when it comes to protecting her friends. Kat may not be the best at expressing how she feels either but she  _ does _ still have feelings.

And right now? She's fucking angry. Mostly on Rue's behalf, because Rue is fucking right, what type of shitty friends beg her to come to a party just to ditch her the entire night? 

Kat gives Rue one last squeeze before she unlocks the door and grabs Rue's hand, leading her out of the bathroom and to where Jules, TC, and Anna are sitting.

"You need to end this party, like right fucking now."

"Excuse me?"

"Kat," Rue whispers, wide-eyed, and tugs on Kat's hand.

Kat mumbles something under her breath before turning around and stepping on top of the coffee table.

"Hey everyone, get the  _ fuck _ out  _ right _ now! The party is over. And don't take all of the fucking candy either, you greedy bitches!"

The room erupts with boos and groans but Kat just flicks everyone off as she steps off of the table.

"You're welcome," Kat squints at Jules. Lexi, Cassie, and Maddy come up to them.

"What the fuck, Kat?" Maddy fumes, arms crossed.

"No, what the fuck  _ you guys _ ! Read the room. Rue almost-" Kat glances at Rue who's somewhat hunched behind her, head dipped, and she frantically shakes her head to signal for Kat not to say anything, "Rue almost left the party. Because we're horrible friends."

"So...  _ that's _ why you ended the party?"

"Seriously? Fuck this party and fuck you guys."

Kat storms out of the apartment and Rue follows behind, leaving everyone else to wonder what the fuck just happened.

"Hey, you didn't have to do that for me."

"You almost relapsed, Rue," Kat stares at her, eyes wide.

"Yeah, I know. I was kinda there." Rue jokes but Kat doesn't laugh. Rue sighs and takes a seat next to Kat on the stairs. "Listen... I know I almost fucked up. Like, really bad. But, I didn't. And I don't know if that makes it any better--"

"- Not really."

"--  _ But _ , you really snapped me out of it back there. Please don't blame yourself-"

"- Oh, I'm not blaming myself for you almost relapsing. You're an addict, Rue."

"Okay, ouch," Rue cuts Kat off, brows furrowed.

"Sorry. You know I don't mean it in a mean way. It's true. You have drug problems and no one's to blame for that. It's just up to you to do your best to fight it, you know? You just have to stay strong. And I know you can do that."

Rue's lips tug into a smile and she rolls her eyes, pushing Kat's shoulder.

"When did you get so corny?"

Kat lets out a small laugh before her face falls straight again. "It sucks to fight alone. Trust me, I know. And with the way your friends have been acting lately, Rue... I honestly can't imagine how alone you've felt. I'm so sorry."

"How are you guys supposed to know how I feel when I don't say anything? It's not your fault." 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe you never wanting to leave your room is a good hint? The fact that we have to force you to hang out with us is one thing, but forcing you to hang out just to ignore you is another. I know I would be pissed. Like seriously, I probably would've kicked some ass by now."

Rue shakes her head with a loose smile on her lips. "We're such a mess."

"True that. But we have to be a mess together. That's what makes it tolerable, right? I can't speak for the others but I'm not gonna let you go through this alone, Rue. I love you."

"I love you," Rue pulls Kat into a hug. "I think I'm going to tell everyone else what happened."

" _ And _ how you've been feeling, right?" Kat raises a brow in a prompting manner.

"Ugh, I guess," Rue groans. "You're so annoying."

"Shut up," Kat laughs. "Let's go back upstairs."

* * *

"Anna, can you give us a minute?"

"Wait, why?" Jules asks, grabbing Anna's hand.

"It's fine, Kat. Anna can stay," Rue takes a seat next to Kat on the floor and takes a deep breath. "I guess I'll just rip the bandaid off. The real reason Kat freaked out like that is because I almost relapsed. I got some pills from someone at the party and was about to take them when Kat knocked on the door. So, sorry to ruin the party, or whatever."

"Wait, so you almost relapsed, like, just a few minutes ago?" Maddy questions.

"That's what she just said," Lexi snaps. "Rue, seriously?"

"I-"

"- You seriously almost fucked up your life like that?"

"Woah, Lexi you need to relax. What's important is that she didn't. Rue, you know we love you right?" Cassie offers her hand to Rue, which she takes and gives a squeeze. At least someone acknowledges that she didn't  _ actually _ relapse.

"Thanks, Cass. I love you guys too. But I've actually been feeling really... I don't know," Rue glances at Kat who just gives her a nod of encouragement, "I've been feeling alone and really depressed. It sucks to feel like that, you know? I've just been stuck in my head."

"Well, no more feeling that way. Right guys?" Kat questions, rubbing Rue's shoulder.

"Of course, we got you, Rue."

"Rue," Maddy frowns. "This is  _ so _ scary. What if something happened to you? Who would I watch corny movies with? Or give me honest feedback on my outfits?"

"Uh, hello?" Cassie and Kat say at the same time. Maddy rolls her eyes and waves at them dismissively. 

Rue leads their outburst of laughter until Lexi suddenly interrupts them.

"I'm gonna go. I need, um, fresh air. I just need to clear my head for a minute. I'll see you guys later."

Rue figured that Lexi would be upset. And she has every right to be, honestly. How many times can she take Rue disappointing her? Maybe it's time that she gets angry instead of pretending like everything is always fine when it's not.

What's really worrying Rue, though, is the fact that Jules hasn't said a word. She's not even holding Anna's hand anymore. Just sitting and staring at the ground. It's kind of freaky actually. 

"Maybe I should go too," Rue starts to stand when Maddy tugs her back down.

"No way! You should stay here. We have some best bitch duties to make up for."

"Yeah, I think it's a good idea that you stay here, Rue. It's been a rough night."

"Okay. Okay, yeah, sure."

"I'm gonna go," Kat stands and squeezes Rue's shoulder. She glances at Jules and takes a deep breath. "I'll catch up with you bitches later. Plus someone should go check on Lexi, so, later."

"I'll lock the door behind you," Anna clears her throat and moves to follow Kat.

"Wait, I got it." Rue rises and Kat leads them to the door. They hear the others continue talking as they stand at the door in silence, both of them looking around.

"Um... Thank you. For tonight. For stopping me from doing something  _ really _ dumb and actually caring. You're a better friend than most realize, Hernandez."

"Of course, I am. Now go and try to enjoy yourself for the rest of the night or something. Talk to you later, okay?"

Rue nods and gives Kat a hug before locking the door behind her. She turns around to be met with Maddy and Cassie waiting for her on the couch.

"So, wanna sleep with us?"

"I- Like... In the bed?" Rue sputters.

"Yeah, we're not asking for a fucking threesome, Rue." Maddy crosses her arms.

* * *

Rue's lying between Maddy and Cassie in Maddy's bed, completely zoning out of the conversation that they're having.

It's awkward enough having to sleep between them but they insisted that Rue stay with them instead of the couch. They say it's so they can try to cheer Rue up but Rue knows it's really because they're just afraid she'll try to relapse again. And that would probably be a valid concern if Rue hadn't flushed those pills instead of just hiding them. 

Jules still hasn't said a word to Rue, so that sucks.

Rue wishes she'll say something- literally say anything. Lexi yelled at her so at least Rue knows how she's feeling. Rue has no idea how Jules is feeling right now. What if Jules is tired of her? Wants to cut her off again? Never wants to speak to her again? What if she's planning to kick her onto the curb at this very moment?

Like, Rue did almost relapse in her apartment. It only makes sense that Jules would want her out of it.

God, Rue really knows how to fuck things up for herself. On the plus side, Anna hasn't said a word to her either. Just kinda thrown pity looks her way. Hopefully, she deems Rue too fragile and never speaks to her again.

"I'm gonna go grab some water," Rue suddenly climbs over Cassie and stumbles out of the room. 

Once she makes it into the kitchen she's met with Jules rummaging through the fridge. Rue almost turns around to bolt back into Maddy's room but Jules speaks up.

"Pizza?"

"Uh, what?"

"Do you want some pizza? I'm heating some up." The microwave beeps and Jules finally turns around, pizza in hand.

"Oh. Sure." Jules takes a slice off of the plate and then hands the rest to Rue. "Thanks."

"Mhm," Jules hums and Rue clears her throat, placing the plate on the counter and stepping next to Jules so she can grab a bottle of water. She feels awkward like she shouldn't be here right now. But Jules isn't leaving so Rue isn't sure if she should either. Will that make Jules upset? She wishes Jules would just say something. Rue really doesn't want to be the one to initiate this conversation.

Rue mimics Jules taking a bite of pizza and they both just awkwardly stare at each other for a minute.

"I'm gonna... head back to bed," Rue informs Jules as she throws the empty paper plate away.

"I love you," Jules randomly blurts out, mouth full of pizza. Rue turns around and watches as Jules swallows her food. She grabs a napkin and cleans her hands, stepping up to Rue. "I'm not upset with you, you know."

"Good to know."

Jules cups Rue's face and Rue's breath hitches. Her eyes flutter shut but Jules doesn't move closer. Just holds Rue's face in her hands. Rue's not sure what to expect or do, for that matter. But she's definitely enjoying the moment.

"You mean the world to me, Rue. And I'm really fucking scared."

"Of what?" Rue opens her eyes to look at Jules and she does look scared. It's not the same as the worried look she sports when she runs out of her favorite eyeshadows or when she can't find the shoes she was relying on to complete the outfit. Jules looks genuinely hurt.

"Of losing you, Rue. Fuck, do you even know what you were gonna take?"

"Well, no, but..." Jules' hands drop from Rue and she looks defeated. "I'm sorry. I fucked up."

"Stop saying sorry and start showing it. I want you to be better, but I can't force you to be. That part is up to you. So stop fucking around because I need you."

"You don't need me," Rue shakes her head lightly.

Jules doesn't respond, just embraces Rue and plants soft kisses on her face starting with her cheeks, forehead, and then her chin. Rue can't help but grin at how it has become a habit for Jules to shower her with kisses like this.

She wraps her arms around Jules and holds on tight, afraid that if she lets go she'll be letting go of everything that matters.

"I love you too, by the way."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took a lot out of me to write, please let me know what you think! I hope you all enjoyed <3


	12. Fortune Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> post halloween and thanksgiving all in one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN A MINUTE but i wanted to post for my bday. I'm a year older today! yay. i hope u all enjoy!

"Hey there," Anna greets.

"Hey," Jules glances her way and continues working on her project.

"So... Last night was rough." Anna acknowledges as she plops down next to Jules.

"It was?" She asks without looking away from her work. "How was it rough for you?"

"I just mean that-"

"-What? That it's rough finding out someone is an addict? Or are you assuming that it's just rough to be close to someone with drug problems?"

"Jules, I didn't mean to offend you."

"I'm not offended. Just curious."

"Well, you seem offended." Jules ignores Anna and she sighs, reaching over to place a hand on Jules' thigh. "I could just tell that it was rough for you is all I meant. You shouldn't blame yourself, you know."

"I'm not blaming myself."

It's not completely a lie. Jules did blame herself at first. In fact, she didn't _stop_ blaming herself until she eventually spoke to Rue around 3 am and realized that she really can't make Rue decide to stay sober. If Rue wants to get better then, in the end, that's up to Rue. What Jules _can_ do is be here and support Rue every step of the way and that's what she's going to do no matter what.

But she's kind of sucked at being supportive lately. If she's being honest she hasn't been the best friend. So she's certainly been blaming herself for that and then, of course, her anxiety had to join and kick her ass so now she can't stop overthinking and wondering what would've happened if Rue did relapse. What if Kat didn't notice she went into the bathroom? Maybe none of this would've happened if she didn't suggest to have the party in the first place.

"I don't believe you. Did you end up speaking to Rue?"

"Yeah."

Jules doesn't know why Anna cares so much anyway. It's not like she and Rue are even friends.

When Rue told them she almost relapsed Jules felt her heart drop into her stomach. What can you even say in that situation?

Why? Are you okay? You shouldn't do that? What can I do to help?

Despite both her mom and best friend having substance abuse issues Jules still isn't well versed in what to say when the topic comes up or when she's put in a situation where she should say something. Nothing seems appropriate. All she can do is offer her support and warnings that she can't deal with losing anyone else. By now Rue understands that her silence isn't dismissive or necessarily a bad thing. It's just an 'I don't know what the fuck to do next' thing.

But last night? Jules froze. She really couldn't say anything. Like, there were a thousand thoughts crossing her mind at once and she couldn't fully comprehend anything quick enough to speak up. Or even move. She just wanted to disappear for a bit.

Rue almost relapsed. After being clean for over a year.

The person she adores most in this world and she didn't even realize something was wrong. How fucked up is that?

It won't happen again, though. Jules will make sure of it.

"Good," Anna squeezes Jules' shoulder and Jules shrugs her off. "... Okay, what's wrong?"

"Look, can you just give me some space? I really want to get this project done today." Jules has been working on her current project since 4 am since she couldn't sleep and the last thing she needs is Anna distracting her when she's almost done.

"Fine. I'm gonna go catch up with some friends anyway before me and TC leave. Hopefully, you'll be in a better mood when I get back," Anna raises her brows.

"I'm not in a fucking mood," Jules rolls her eyes and pushes her sketch aside. "I'm trying to focus on my work and you're trying to distract me. You know that's annoying, right? And since when did you give a shit about Rue? You've never even shown interest in being her friend and suddenly you're trying to coach me through dealing with last night? Honestly, just fuck off Anna."

"Wow," Anna chuckles humorlessly, looking astonished. "Fuck you, Jules. I'm just trying to be here for you. It's already hard enough as it is when you literally run away from all the shit that really bothers you and replace it with god knows what. But shame on me for caring, right?" 

Anna scoffs. "Oh, and for your information, I offered my friendship to Rue the other night. You don't know everything like you swear you do. Goodbye, Jules."

Jules watches Anna storm off towards her bedroom and sighs, running her fingers through her hair as she drops her head into her hands.

"Fuck."

* * *

"Hey."

Lexi peeks from behind the door.

"Can I come in? I don't need your pee or anything this time."

"God, that's not funny, Rue."

"No, you're right," Rue shakes her head, smile dropping. She enters Lexi's dorm. "Sorry, I'm nervous. I guess I can kind of be a dick when I'm nervous."

"Kind of?" Lexi asks, eyebrows raised.

Rue's lips twitch up into a sad smile. "It's been a week, Lex."

It may be true that Rue begged everyone to leave her alone, including Cassie who happens to be her roommate, for the entire week.

Rue sort of hit rock bottom after Halloween night- she struggled with getting out of bed, eating, and _definitely_ struggled with getting her work done. She had to mope in isolation or else she wouldn't be able to really process her emotions and she still feels like shit but at least she can function now. This is the part where she figures out how to not completely fall apart and get her shit together again.

So yeah, Rue's been taking alone time but still, Lexi hasn't even attempted to reach out and Rue knows it's because she's upset with her.

"You said you wanted space. I was just giving you what you asked for."

"No, I know but-" Rue sighs and tugs on the sleeve of her jacket. "I don't know. It's just been a week since we've talked, is all. I know it's my fault but..." Rue actually has no clue what she's trying to say right now. She just wants Lexi to stop being mad at her.

"Shit, I'm kind of bad at this. Look, can you just stop being mad at me? I'd like my best friend back. I make a lot of mistakes and do stupid, reckless, shit but I _am_ trying, Lex, and I really need that to be enough right now."

Rue looks up from the ground that she's had her eyes trained on so she can avoid making eye contact. "Is it?"

"Yeah," Lexi smiles. "It is. You're doing a better job than you think you're doing," Lexi pulls Rue into a hug and cradles her head. "We all have our shit, Rue. I wasn't mad at you because you're not doing enough I was just- I was upset because recovery is not a linear process and it's not like it's a fucking cure to addiction. And it's definitely not as easy as I've been imagining it is. But that's not your fault. You deserve more credit."

Lexi can't even lie. She's been upset. She hasn't even thought about reaching out to Rue because she's been trying to understand why the fuck Rue would even consider fucking up like that again. After everything they've been through, Rue was willing to put everyone, including herself, through all of that shit again? Lexi didn't get it. She _doesn't_ get it.

But, Lexi loves Rue and it's not fair to be angry at her, especially when she's already beating herself up enough about everything.

"I was angry. My initial thoughts were that I just couldn't believe you could be so selfish and careless," Rue frowns and Lexi quickly finishes saying what's on her mind. "I have no right to be upset with you. Not because of that... So, I'm sorry. I love you and have some shit to work on too. We're in this together."

"I'm a shitty friend," Rue groans into Lexi's shoulder.

"Well, if that's the case then we're both shit. Wanna watch TV?"

"I've been saving the last season of How to Get Away With Murder for this moment." Rue's face lights up as Lexi pulls them onto her bed.

* * *

"Why are you even mad at me?"

"What?"

"Bitch, I know you heard me clearly. Why are you mad?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not upset with anyone," Kat looks back down at her Instagram timeline.

Jules scoffs, "You're such a liar." She snatches the phone from Kat.

"Jules!"

"Talk to me!"

"Fine! I'm mad because you're a fucking indecisive asshole!" Kat crosses her arms and glares at Jules.

Jules' eyebrows furrow and she frowns. An indecisive asshole? Since when?

"What?"

"I thought you weren't even into Anna like that? Suddenly as soon as she leaves you can't stop talking about her and you were literally all over her this weekend. It's like as soon as you decide who you wanna fall in love with everyone else in your life becomes a background character. And that's kind of fucked up, Jules."

"I don't understand. You've listened to me obsess and gush over so many people, Kat, but none of this has been a problem before? I've been talking about Anna since I met her! Yeah, I didn't have feelings at first, but like-"

"- It's not just about Anna! God, when are you going to open your oblivious ass eyes and see that you hurt people when you just jump back and forth between feelings. No one is asking you to have it all figured out but the least you could do is stop dragging other people into your shit."

Jules stares at Kat, dumbfounded. She has no idea what the fuck Kat is talking about.

"Rue, you fucking idiot. I'm talking about Rue. You obviously have feelings for her and she obviously has feelings for you too. You're both just clueless as fuck. But if you're gonna go anywhere with Rue you need to figure it out before you keep running between her and Anna. Because I'm pretty sure Rue's monogamous."

"So... You're mad at me on Rue's behalf?"

Kat shrugs, "Well, someone's got to do it. But seriously... You've been out of it lately. You've been canceling most of our plans and it kind of hurts my feelings. What's going on with you? Where's my best friend? Because if all of this out of character behavior is because of Anna, I swear I'll kick her ass and then yours."

"No, you're right. I've been a shitty best friend," Jules climbs next to where Kat is seated on the couch and snuggles up to her. "To you, Rue, and everyone, I guess. It's not Anna's fault, it's mine. I've just had a lot on my mind lately. It's dumb, but, the whole Nate situation really shook me up. Just brought up a lot of bad memories, you know?"

"Jules, that isn't dumb. Like at all. You're like traumatized, or whatever. I just don't want you to go through this alone. Literally, what are best friends for? Next time instead of canceling why don't you ask me to bring ice cream instead, huh?"

"Sounds like a plan," Jules grins.

"So, what are you going to do about Rue?"

"Ugh," Jules groans. "Let me catch you up."

* * *

Rue's currently lounging on Jules' and Maddy's couch, 10 minutes deep into a YouTube video explaining how to make a raindrop cake even though she's never had the interest of eating one. They look cool though so she's making it her goal to learn how to make one. Maybe Jules and Maddy will let her make it here.

"Hey," Jules greets Rue. "Did you talk to Fez? He said he was gonna call you."

Rue continues watching her video, lips agape and eyes wide, not even bothering to look up or pause it. Jules raises her brows and taps Rue's leg with her foot.

"Uh, hello?"

"What?" It comes out sharper than Rue means for it to. She pauses her video and looks up at Jules.

"I asked if you talked to Fez."

"Oh, yeah," Rue shrugs. She caught Fez up on everything that's been going on and he's been calling to check up on her more often than usual since.

Lately, she's been keeping the phone calls short though so she can continue focusing on whatever she's doing at the moment. For example, she made sure to rush Fez off of the phone so she can continue doing her research on raindrop cakes. She's been studying the recipe since last night.

"Okay... Hey, are you good?"

Rue sighs as she pauses her video again so that she can talk to Jules.

"Yeah. I'm like fucking amazing actually. Why? Are you okay?"

"No, I'm good, it's just... You're wearing jeans. I didn't even know you owned a pair."

"They look good, right?" Rue grins and extends a leg.

Now Jules is really worried. Since when does Rue wear skinny jeans and since when did she get so confident? Don't get her wrong, Jules isn't complaining, it's definitely not a bad thing but it's just not typical Rue behavior.

Rue actually looks really good. She does all of the time, in Jules' opinion, but she has a certain glow right now. That might just be literal highlight though.

"Yeah, they do. You look really good." Jules moves to sit next to Rue and lifts Rue's legs so she can drape them over her lap. Rue immediately adjusts, lying back on the couch and pressing play on her video.

"Whatcha watching?" Jules tilts her head so that she can see Rue's screen. Oh no. Rue has at least twenty tabs open. And she's researching raindrop cakes? Seriously?

"Babe, have you been getting any sleep?"

"Hm?"

"When's the last time you slept?" Jules places a hand on Rue's forearm. Rue shrugs and pulls her laptop closer to her chest.

Jules has seen her like this before. Rue only acts like this when she's slipping into, or in, a manic episode.

Her meds usually help but Jules wouldn't be surprised if Rue stopped taking them while she was in her depressive episode or after she almost relapsed. She'll have to ask Rue about it and possibly talk to mama Bennett.

Rue may know what's best for herself and when she needs to go back on her meds but that doesn't mean that she'll actually do it. Leslie Bennett, on the other hand, doesn't play around and _will_ find a way to convince Rue to get her ass back on her medication if that's what's best for her.

"Hey, how about you take a break from the video? Why don't we do some homework instead?"

"Already done. Jules, just let me finish this video."

Rue finished her homework for both this unit and the next. For as many classes as she could. She actually didn't mean to complete that many assignments but she figured she might as well knock them out while she has the energy since she's been slacking anyway.

"Fine. We'll finish the video together and then you'll take a break?"

Rue nods and unpauses the video, placing her laptop on the table so that both she and Jules can watch. The video only has a few minutes left so it finishes quickly and Jules makes sure to reach over and shut the laptop before Rue has the chance to get into the recommended.

Jules tugs on Rue's arm, motioning for her to sit up, lying down once she does and pulling Rue down with her. Rue's head is resting on Jules' chest so she hears her heartbeat and it's able to calm her down a bit. Jules plays in Rue's hair absentmindedly, her free hand tracing small patterns on the part of Rue's back that her cropped top leaves exposed.

"I still haven't told my mom. Or Gia."

Jules doesn't even have to ask, she knows Rue is talking about Halloween night.

"That's okay," Jules assures softly. "You should take your time. Can I be honest with you?"

Rue nods and Jules thinks of how to express her thoughts correctly.

"I can't stop thinking about how I was quiet after you told us. I was scared. And definitely caught off guard. I felt really guilty. I blamed myself at first. I know, you always get mad when someone says that, but seriously, Rue. If we're being honest, your life has been a mess since I came back into it. You've been doing so good without me."

"Yeah, well so has yours. We both have fucked up lives and we've both been doing fine without each other. So what, you wish you never came back into my life?"

"No!" Jules shakes her head. "Never. I'll take a fucked up life any day as long as you're in it."

"Sounds a little toxic," Rue jokes.

"Shut up," Jules laughs. "I'm serious, though. You're one of the best parts of my life, Rue. I would never wish that. I'm just saying, I think that you might be better off without me. Do I want that to be true? No. But it just feels like it is sometimes. It's so scary realizing you could've lost someone you just got back. I _just_ got you back, Rue. What the fuck would I have done if-"

"-I'm sorry." Rue squeezes Jules, cutting her off. She doesn't need Jules spiraling into the what-ifs right now.

"I'm sorry too. I've been a shitty friend lately. Kat helped me realize that. She kind of yelled at me on your behalf."

"She did?"

Jules thinks about her conversation with Kat and how her best friend totally flipped out on her for multiple reasons. One being that she's been a shitty friend but also because Jules can never get a grip on her love life. Like seriously, she needed to be checked. This is one of the reasons why she loves Kat so much. She's not afraid to give you a piece of her mind and let you know when you're acting up.

Jules needs that reality check more often than she'd like to admit and each time, Kat is there to give it to her.

"Yeah. Pretty scary. Well deserved, though. How could I not notice you were doing that bad? Yeah, I could tell you were depressed, but- I don't know. I just know I need to do better."

Kat's also a really good listener. And she gives good advice. Sometimes she can be biased, though, which is why Jules was a little hesitant to catch her up on recent events.

Kat is obviously right about Jules having feelings for Rue, but Jules definitely might have a little crush on Anna too and she just doesn't know what to do. Of course, when she tried to talk to Kat about it Kat was cheering how she's 'team Rue' and thinks Jules will be over Anna any minute now.

It definitely didn't help when Jules told Kat she and Anna haven't talked since they got into it the night after Halloween. Jules may have snapped on Anna a little bit so she gets why Anna has beeing keeping her space. They obviously both need some time apart to think.

Anyway, Jules is just glad that Kat isn't upset with her anymore. It was a rough couple of days without her and she never wants to go through that again. Who else will she rant about her messy ass life to with no judgment? It's not like Jules can rant to Rue about her feelings for her and the fact that she's torn between what to do about them. She can only imagine how that would go.

'Hey, Rue, so I kind of might be in love with you but I like Anna too. What do you think I should do? How do you feel?'

Jules can see Rue literally running away from that conversation or just giving her a sad look and neither of those scenarios sounds like one Jules can handle so she'll make sure to keep her ranting limited around Rue.

Of course, there's always Maddy, Lexi, Cassie, or a plethora of friends for her to rant to and spend time with as well but Jules knows there's something weird going on between Lexi and Rue so it would be awkward for them to talk about their feelings for Rue with each other; Cassie is so nice she would sugarcoat half of her feedback or end up convincing Jules to pour her heart out to her; Jules has talked to her other friends about how she feels here and there but she knows no one will get it like her best friends from East Highland.

Now that she thinks about it, Jules hasn't actually considered ranting to Maddy before but maybe she'll give it a shot.

"I do too. I don't know, maybe I'll try actually talking about my feelings and working through them, or something."

"Yeah, that definitely sounds like a good idea. I might have to try that too," They fall into a fit of laughter.

"God, we're such a mess."

"Don't think it gets any messier than this."

"My favorite mess, though," Jules tilts Rue's head up and kisses her forehead. "My absolute favorite."

* * *

"Is it depressing that we're not going home for Thanksgiving break?"

Kat shrugs and opens the oven, sliding the pan of macaroni and cheese inside. "I don't think so. I mean winter break is in, like, two weeks. What's the point of traveling back and forth across the country multiple times in the span of two weeks?"

"Cassie and Lexi are going, though. And Maddy."

"Which is why we're having Friendsgiving, so it doesn't feel like we're missing out."

"Yeah, but-"

"- Look, Rue, if you wanna go home so bad then just go. Maddy's going because she has the money to. Cassie and Lexi actually love their mom and have a big ass traditional family to celebrate with. Trust me, the Howard's are making sure they're present."

Rue actually loves her mom too. And Gia. She can't really afford to travel home for Thanksgiving, travel back for winter break, _and_ have the money to get home too. She would have enough if she could've kept up with her tutoring sessions but depression totally said fuck Rue Bennett's pockets.

At least she wasn't lying when she told her mom, Gia, and Fez the reason she couldn't make it home for break is because of money issues.

"Sorry. I know you actually love your mom too. I'm just saying. Do you or your family really have the money for that anyway?"

Fez offered to front her the money but she honestly isn't ready to face any of them yet.

Rue still hasn't told her mom or Gia about her close call and she's trying to hold off that convo for as long as possible, so. If that means she has to miss out on her mom's Thanksgiving dishes this year then so be it. At least they cook for Christmas too.

"Whatever," Rue shrugs, "You have plenty of money, cam star. So why aren't you going home?" She reaches over Kat to grab the seasoning. "Where the fuck is the paprika? I told Jules I needed it."

"I don't want to. I'll see my family soon for the holidays and I'll be with them _every_ day. I'm gonna enjoy my me-time while I can," Kat smirks and takes her oven mitts off, throwing them on the counter away from the rest of the food and preparations.

Rue sucks her teeth, side-eyeing Kat. "I thought every day was Kat-time. _Especially_ when you're surrounded by family."

Kat did end up camming again and doing more dominatrix work. She actually enjoys it and makes a shit ton of money from it so why not? Plus, at least she's legal now.

"_Anyway_, I'm going to take a nap. I'll be back in thirty minutes. Don't let my macaroni burn, bitch."

Rue gives Kat the middle finger as she walks away.

"Shit, sorry! I had to run to like two other stores," Jules stumbles into the kitchen with bags in her hands. Rue moves to help her place the bags down and take out the groceries.

"Did you get the paprika?" Rue asks, still rummaging through the bags.

Jules's silence causes her to look up at her, meeting Jules' wide eyes.

"Jules! This food is seriously gonna taste like shit, because-"

"Chill! I'm just fucking with you," Jules laughs as she pulls the seasonings Rue requested out of her hoodie pocket and places them in Rue's hands, planting a kiss on her nose. "Do you really have to follow the exact recipe?"

"Yes! It's my mom's."

"Can I help?"

Rue nods and leads Jules to the pan. She wraps her arms around Jules and helps her follow the recipe her mom texted her after she told her she wouldn't be able to make it home for Thanksgiving.

"Can you pass me the pepper?"

"The pepper, m'lady," Jules passes the bottle to Rue and watches as she finishes preparing the dish. "You know, you look pretty cute when you're being all domestic. Since when do you cook anyway?"

"I cook," Rue grins. "When I'm in the mood. I used to cook with my parents a lot when I was younger."

Jules just hums in acknowledgment and leaves it at that. She knows the holidays are a sensitive time for Rue because of her dad. She gets it. Kinda. Holidays have been bittersweet for Jules since her mom isn't around anymore.

"So... are you staying over tonight?"

"Uh, do you want me to?"

"I always want you to stay over. Everything's better with you around," Jules beams. "I was just asking because TC and Anna might be coming tonight instead of in the morning, so-"

"- Oh, they're gonna be apart of Friendsgiving?"

"Yeah. I mean, we said closest friends. I think Maddy invited Diego. Is that gonna be a problem?"

"No, I just-" Rue shakes her head. "Never mind."

"No, say it."

Rue hesitates before shrugging her shoulders. "Honestly, what do you see in her, Jules? She's _just_ like TC's old roommate. You know, the other one you were in love with."

"Not true. Anna is different."

"Okay... Different how? What's so special about her?"

"She's just- She's teaching me a lot about queer love and introduces me to parts of the community and myself that I wasn't even aware of."

"Isn't that what you said about the other one?" Rue asks face scrunched up. Thankfully her back is turned to Jules or else she would see her expression right now. It's a mix between 'ouch, that hurt my feelings' and 'where's the nearest fight club?'

"The other one has a name, you know. But no, that's what I _thought_ she was doing. But really all she did for me was make me realize that it's valid to hook up and be with other people besides men. Anna's like the next level of queer love, though, you know? She doesn't just validate my feelings she validates _me_. She opens me up to all types of new things, appreciates me, even encourages me to focus on the important things. I really think you would flourish in her energy."

Rue thinks back to her Anna's conversation and her lips turn up into a grimace. No way she'll flourish in Anna's energy. Rue is happy that Jules enjoys being around her but Rue just doesn't get the appeal.

After a moment of silence and reflecting on why _she_ can't be the next level or queer love for Jules, Rue can only come up with, "Do you want me to change?" God, this feels just like high school. Rue's sick of asking this question.

"Sorry. Major deja vu moment."

"Hey, no," Jules hugs Rue from behind. She turns Rue around so they're face to face and plants kisses all over her face. "Baby, I never want you to change."

Rue feels her chest flutter and her face heats up.

"I'm sorry if that's what that sounded like." Shit. This is why Jules is supposed to keep her ranting limited around Rue. But to be fair Rue asked her about Anna.

"I'm just saying you've never really talked about your sexual feelings or even experimented with anything. Sometimes having some completely new energy in your life is exciting. It just makes you wonder what's next for yourself. You don't have to change for that. I love you just the way you are. Besides, I don't see your stubborn ass changing anytime soon anyway."

Rue chuckles and looks down. "Maybe you're right. Something different won't hurt. Maybe I'll learn something new or actually end up enjoying myself."

"See!"

Rue definitely can use a break from her constant, fixed, routine. Her life is kind of boring...

"_But_ something different doesn't mean Anna. We already tried to be friends."

"Fine. Not Anna." Jules smiles.

* * *

Rue laughs at whatever Lexi is saying- Jules assumes she's talking about how the food they're eating now is probably way better than what she and Cassie will be eating at home if their family is using the same recipes since Cassie is making a gagging face as Lexi speaks. She smiles at them and just the fact that this is the happiest she's seen her friends, together, in a while. It's nice.

Rue catches Jules staring at her and she quickly turns away, suddenly finding whatever Lexi was speaking about super interesting. Rue grins and excuses herself to get dessert. Kat offers to help her and Lexi follows them into the kitchen as well, mostly because she wants to get a first taste of everything.

Kat squeals as Rue carefully pulls her raindrop cake out of the fridge and pours the sauce over it. "It looks so pretty!"

"Let's see if it tastes as pretty as it looks," Lexi smirks, eyebrows raised, as she hands Rue and Kat forks. They each take a small piece and count to three before taking a bite.

"1... 2... 3!"

Rue's face twists into sheer disgust and she sticks her tongue out, shaking her head. Kat gags and Lexi's face scrunches up in disdain but she forces herself to swallow the gelatin.

"What the fuck?"

"Ew," Kat spits her bite into the trash. "That's fucking gross."

"I don't understand, I-" Rue thinks about what could have gone wrong with her recipe. "It's literally only four ingredients."

"It's okay. We were cooking a lot of shit yesterday. Maybe you mixed up an ingredient or accidentally spilled something inside of your mixture? It's fine, we have other stuff, right?" Lexi rubs Rue's shoulder and gestures towards the cake and pie they have as well.

"Fuck raindrop cakes," Rue drops the failed attempt into the trash and laughs. Kat and Lexi burst into laughter looking at the cake in the trashcan, getting distracted from actually sorting the other desserts out.

"Fuck," Rue sighs once their laughter dies down. "I love you guys."

"We love you too," Maddy butts in, smirking. She slips into their hug, Cassie and Jules following behind, and they just embrace each other for a moment.

"What did we miss? Why were you guys laughing?" Cassie questions, breaking the silence.

Rue, Kat, and Lexi start laughing again and Kat manages to point to the trash. Jules peaks in and snickers.

"No way."

Maddy and Cassie look as well and Maddy frowns. "Oh, that might be my fault."

"What? How?" 

"_Well_," Maddy draws out, tilting her head. "I was reaching for the salt and I may have spilled some into a random bowl. I didn't know what it was so I kind of just ignored it. Sorry," She wraps her arms around Rue.

"At least I know it's not my cooking skills."

"Nah, it might be that too," Lexi snips and Cassie nods as they grab the desserts and leave the kitchen still laughing.

Kat grabs more napkins and she and Maddy leave the kitchen as well, leaving Jules and Rue alone.

"So..." Jules grins, swaying.

"So..." Rue repeats, leaning against the counter.

"I got you something."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I know you'd rather be home and I figured since you can't go home," Jules reaches into the fridge, "I'd bring home to you."

Jules hands Rue a bag from the fridge and she reaches inside, pulling out a Chinese takeout container. Rue laughs, eyebrows furrowed.

"Takeout? You telling me we cooked for nothing?"

"I called your mom and asked what I could cook or do to help you feel at home. She said when you were little your dad liked to open fortune cookies on Thanksgiving so he would always order takeout the day before so you guys could have the cookies. Look inside the bag," Jules reveals, lips pulled into a side smile.

Rue looks inside of the bag and pulls out two fortune cookies. A bittersweet feeling washes over her as she remembers cracking these open with her dad and talking about their fortunes. It was such a random thing for him to do but it became their tradition and Rue loved it. She stares at the small cookies in her hand, afraid to let them go or look away in fear of the memories with her dad slipping away.

"I'm sorry. I hope I'm not, like, overstepping or anything. I should've asked or mentioned it before-"

"- Here," Rue offers Jules a cookie. She's hesitant to take it at first but when Rue gestures for her to take it she does. "We'll crack them open together?"

"Sure," Jules agrees softly.

"Actually," Rue grabs Jules' hand to stop her from opening her cookie. "Let's save it for later. Then we can talk about our fortunes together. That's what me and my dad used to do."

Jules nods and pulls Rue into a hug, making sure to place their cookies on the counter where they're safe from being crushed.

"I'm really thankful for you, Jules."

"I'm really thankful for you too."

* * *

It's chillier outside than Rue expected.

She stepped outside after eating dessert so that she could clear her head a bit. Those fortune cookies really fucked her head up. Not necessarily in a bad way. It's nice to think about her dad. 

Rue somehow thinks about him all the time but suppresses any thoughts of him at the same time. It's a balance she has to keep herself somewhat sane. Rue doesn't talk about her dad to anyone, not even Jules and especially not her mom and Gia. It warms her heart that Jules even considered that this is a hard time for her.

"Here," A person with long auburn braids offers Rue their jacket. She didn't even notice them standing there. Rue glances at them and they raise their eyebrows, swinging the denim jacket around. "You want it or not? You have an oversized t-shirt on and it's freezing. I'm just trying to help out."

"Thank you," Rue takes it. "I'm Rue."

"Paris. What're you doing outside with no coat on? Get locked out or something?"

"No, I just came down for some fresh air. What're you doing out here?"

"This idiot left her dish at my place. She's having Friendsgiving or some shit but literally forgot to bring the food she made. So I decided to be a good person and bring it to her."

"Does your friend happened to be named Anna by any chance?"

"Bingo. You know her?"

"Yeah, I'm having dinner with her."

"Oh, perfect! You mind giving this to her?"

"Sure. Here, let me give you your jacket," Rue moves to take it off but Paris raises a hand.

"Keep it, you seem to need it more than I do. I'm heading straight home anyway."

Great, now this very kind stranger thinks Rue is a charity case or something.

"Actually," Rue calls out to keep Paris from walking away, "You should join us. There's plenty of food. That way we can both warm-up and you can take your jacket home with you. You know, in case you don't see Anna again soon."

Paris squints her eyes and is silent for a moment. "... You're not trying to murder me, are you?"

"Definitely not. You think Anna hangs out with murderers?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," Paris shrugs "Fuck it. You only live once, right? Plus, who can turn down food?" They follow Rue inside of the building. "Thanks for inviting me up."

"Yeah well," Rue smiles at Paris, "Thanks for the jacket."


	13. Free Snacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while since i've updated!! i hope you are all doing well and for those of you that are sticking with this fic, checking for updates, and actually still reading thank you!! (: i hope you guys enjoy this update <3

"Do you guys think Cassie's getting bored?"

Rue's playing with the somewhat melted liquid in her small cup of ice cream. It's cheesecake flavored.

She can't even remember the last time she ate actual cheesecake so she's not sure why she bought it, but she wanted to try something new and Paris is the only one that suggested something, so here she is. It's not bad, at least.

"Bored of what?" Kat asks, tasting the spoonful of cake batter ice cream that Paris is offering her.

"Of me," Maddy rolls her eyes as if it was obvious what she meant. "What else?"

"Maddy, are you fucking dumb? Cassie's so into you it's nauseating."

"Rue, eat some real food." Paris slides her plate towards Rue and then nods her head in agreement. "And I agree with Rue. She seems really invested in your relationship."

"We're not in a relationship!" Everyone stares at Maddy. "... Okay, then why hasn't she asked me out yet? Like, officially?"

"Why haven't you asked  _ her _ out?" Kat questions, raising her brows.

"You're supposed to be on my side."

"We are!"

"Being on team Massie  _ is _ being on team Maddy. We're trying to snap you out of it."

"Hm," Maddy drags her fork through her salad. "I guess so."

Maddy knows in her heart that what her friends are saying makes sense. Especially if even Paris is saying so because that bitch keeps it real and she just started hanging out with them, so it's not like she's lying to protect her feelings.

In her head, though, Maddy's not so sure. She just can't help but think about how Cassie's last serious relationship was with McKay and Cassie ended up cheating on him because he wasn't satisfying her emotionally.

Maddy's not one to talk, really. Her last 'serious' relationship was with Nate Jacobs and if that's what she's considering serious... then that's sad.

It is sad, honestly. There's a lot of sad shit about it like the fact she was with Nate for so long, the fact that she's cheated on Nate more times than she can count, and she has absolutely no idea what real, healthy, love looks like. Her parents have a fucked up relationship and Maddy's been getting intimately abused since high school yet she's questioning whether or not Cassie's going to cheat on her because she's not good enough- as if that's not the least of her worries.

Maddy should be more worried about how  _ she's _ treating Cassie.

She wonders if she's doing a good job at satisfying Cassie emotionally, unlike McKay. Of course, she could always just ask, but that's not Maddy's style. That's another problem Maddy knows she needs to work on- that she  _ wants _ to work on. She's so stubborn and refuses to let her guards down in fear of damaging her dignity that she's holding back from an amazing person.

Maddy has no fucking idea how she caught feelings for Cassie but she really, really, likes her. It feels weird admitting that and having it be a reality but it's true and Cassie makes her really happy.

That's why she's so worried about their relationship that's not really a relationship. Maddy wants Cassie to stick around but she has no clue if Cassie feels the same way and she's too scared to ask. Her previous idea of love is so fucked up she can't tell and she doesn't want to freak Cassie out by interrogating her. She would rather just stick with the flow at this point than risk losing Cassie.

Maybe her mom can give her some advice over the break.

Actually, nevermind. Maddy's mom would probably have her head more fucked up than it already is. She would probably be ecstatic to hear that Maddy finally left Nate, though.

Ew, speaking of the devil, Maddy's convinced that Nate Jacobs is literally the root of all evil.

He's put Maddy through a lot, that's for sure. If you asked her a few months ago she would never admit it, but Maddy's pretty sure she's like, traumatized, or something. She meant it when she said she gets scared when she thinks she sees someone that looks like Nate while walking. She gets scared to say certain things in fear of being yelled at or annoying the people she's close to, she can barely open up to anyone, and of course, she has to convince herself every day that she's worthy of allowing herself to be with someone else.

Someone good, and nice, like Cassie. Someone who wants to actually treat her well. And not just have her as a trophy or pet. But actually possibly be in a relationship with her, grow with her, and be healthy.

It's weird for her to think about it. Maddy's never been the soft type but she's trying to be more honest and open with her feelings lately. She's so thankful for her best friends that she loves so much and that she knows love her too. Sometimes she feels guilty for being happy and moving on. Actually enjoying herself.

She does a good job hiding it though. The only times she cracks her bad bitch persona are when she breaks down with Jules or Rue. Like that one time after the Nate incident- but that was needed and pretty appropriate if you ask her. Maddy hasn't allowed herself to fully break down in front of Cassie yet even though she's ranted to her, but she's getting there. She's getting to the point where she's comfortable expressing herself, and she'll take that for now.

It's better than having an intense meltdown that Cassie has no clue how to handle. Honestly, Maddy doesn't even know how to handle them.

The smallest things trigger her sometimes- like hearing someone take a deep breath while they're talking to her makes her anxious. It reminds her of how Nate used to breathe before he would scream at her or hit her... Now that she thinks about it maybe she needs more help than she's been willing to admit. Shopping and going out to dinner isn't going to fix her mental issues, no matter how much she tries to convince herself that it will.

Besides, both her and Cassie deserve to have a healthy, stable, relationship- if they end up together. Maddy wants that, and she has a strong feeling she can get it, so she might as well take the first step and start doing some extreme self-care before she tries to get with Cassie.

* * *

Lexi leans into her laptop, watching a YouTube video on cats attentively.

Cassie sighs, scrolling on her phone.

"I have no idea what to get for mom."

"Shit!" Lexi pauses her video, "Me neither. I was thinking she might like a few nice outfits?"

"I don't know, I was thinking about getting her this really nice wine cabinet I saw."

"Eh... I don't think we should be encouraging her alcoholism."

"Yeah, that's a good point," Cassie sighs again and falls back onto Lexi's bed. "Maybe I'll get her jewelry or something. Are we bad daughters? What does she even like?"

"No clue," Lexi pauses her video again. "I think we're pretty good daughters."

"I guess."

"I think mom will enjoy anything as long as it's from us."

"Yeah, you're right," Cassie shrugs. "She's my last gift."

"Mine too. I think you're gonna love my gift."

"Yeah? What did you get me?"

"Not telling. What did you get everyone else?"

"Mostly gift cards, honestly. That way no one can complain about my gift. I got Maddy a nice pair of earrings, though. She's been scoping them out for a while."

"That's sweet," Lexi grins. "You two are so cute."

"Thanks," Cassie frowns. "Honestly? I think she's getting bored with me, though."

Lexi furrows her brows and Cassie puts her phone aside. "You know how Maddy gets. She gets restless and starts talking to other people and stuff."

"Yeah, but you guys aren't official anyway, right? Have you tried talking to her about it?"

"Seriously, Lex? I don't know if I'm doing...  _ this _ right. Or wrong. I wouldn't even know how to start that convo. I'm scared."

Cassie's last relationship reference is Christopher McKay. And Cassie really loved him. In a weird, dysfunctional high school sweetheart, kind of way.

Their relationship ended on a really rough note after Cassie got her abortion, and honestly, she's been a little scared of commitment since the whole ordeal.

Cassie wasted her high school years seeking validation from her relationships and all of them fell through. For years boys used her for her body, spread rumors about her, and broke her heart over and over again. On the night of their winter formal Cassie made a promise to herself she wouldn't let that happen anymore. She can't.

Like, it's not like Cassie thinks Maddy is just using her for her body. Actually, maybe she was at first but to be fair it  _ was _ just a mutual hookup thing. But Cassie really likes Maddy. She has no clue how she suddenly became heart eyes for Maddy Perez but fuck, she really doesn't want mess up what they have going on.

Maddy understands her. They both just want to be the best versions of themselves at all times and to show everyone else that they can take over the world without the help of anyone else. Maddy understands the more complex parts of her too. Like why she needed validation and love from her various boyfriends over the years. Maddy gets it because she has complex feelings and history too. And Cassie understands her.

They just get each other. It works, like really well, and that's why they're both so busy being afraid they don't realize if they would just talk to each other all of their worries would dissolve.

But Cassie hasn't even gotten the chance to talk with Maddy. At least not for a serious conversation like the one they need to have. Everyone has been busy doing last-minute shopping and preparations for heading home.

Cassie knows they have to talk about it eventually, though. And when it happens, she'll be ready. Until then she's going to overthink everything in her life and remind herself that Maddy is not McKay or any of her old partners.

"Oh, maybe we should get mom a pet!"

* * *

"It doesn't feel so nice when it happens to you, huh?"

"What?"

"You've barely seen Rue, alone at least, since like, Thanksgiving. She's with Paris literally all of the time now," Kat nods at the Instagram image, which is a selfie of Paris and Rue, that Jules is currently looking at. "What goes around comes around. Anna snatched you away from us and now Paris is snatching Rue up. Except she doesn't exclude us. So, that's a plus." Jules rolls her eyes and locks her phone, sitting up.

"I don't exclude you guys."

"How many times has Anna hung out with us?"

"I don't know, like, at least ten times!"

"Right, and you've known her for how long?"

"Like a few months. What's your point?"

"Well Paris and Rue met on Friendsgiving and we've all hung out with the  _ both _ of them a bunch of times. Paris makes sure she can hang out with everyone and privately spends time with us too. Just saying."

"Yes, all hail Paris, the queen of hangouts! Literally fuck off, Kat."

"Someone's mad." Kat snorts.

"I'm not mad, I just don't know her. We literally met her like two weeks ago and she's suddenly a main part of our friend group now, yet I still haven't had the chance to have one-on-one time with her, so. Sorry if I don't get the hype at the moment."

"Bitch, whatever. You just went on that entire rant when all you have to do is admit you miss Rue. When's the last time you talked to her?"

Jules squints at Kat. "What's your deal? Do you have a crush on Paris or something?"

"What? No!"

It's not that Kat has a crush on Paris, it's just that she can't help but speak highly of her. If she's being honest she feels like Paris is the first person who has actually tried to get to know her in months and actually appreciate who she is. There's no history, no judgment, no feeling out of place. Paris gives Kat a huge ego boost and she's eating that shit right up. Whatever, she deserves it.

Not only that, but Paris is someone Kat can relate to in a lot of ways. She's curvy like Kat and has gone through a lot of the struggles- and still goes through a lot of them- that Kat simply can't talk about, bond over, or relate with when it comes to her other friends. 

Like yeah, they all have their shit, but none of them can say that they've been fat-shamed, or unpopular because of their weight, shunned, and walked all over just because of the size of their bodies. Well, none of them but Paris, and that's the thing- Kat didn't realize how much she needed somebody to talk about this shit with someone who has gone through it as well until now.

She loves her other friends, but it is nice to meet new people and make new friends too. Jules has been busy with schoolwork, Cassie and Lexi are wrapping up a bunch of school shit, Maddy's been running around getting ready for winter break, and Rue's been busy trying to get back on track mentally when she's not busy hanging out with Paris.

When Kat's not with one of them she spends her days talking to weird, sad, old men all day, then she collects her money and stays on social media until she falls asleep. It's like, are you kidding? That's a fucking miserable life and Kat cannot believe she's just now noticing that.

Something tells her life is about to get more exciting, though.

* * *

Jules takes a deep breath and knocks on the unfamiliar door.

"Hey,"

"Hi. What's up?"

"You busy?"

"Oh, no! Sorry, come in."

Jules steps inside Lexi's dorm and glances around, nodding in approval. "Wow, this is nice. I can't believe it's my first time in here."

"I know. I guess we don't really hang out much without the group. I was a little surprised to see your face when I opened the door."

Jules laughs and holds out the small bag she's been holding close since she walked in. "I'm hoping we can change that. I heard I've been a shitty friend lately so I'm trying to fix that with everyone. We may not be the closest... but that doesn't mean we can't get closer."

Lexi peeks inside of the bag and sees snacks. She raises her eyebrows and accepts the bag from Jules.

"Are you trying to bribe me for my closeness, Vaughn?"

"Precisely."

"Well, it's working. Movie night?"

"Sure, as long as I get to choose some. I'm about to put you on, bitch."

Lexi starts them off with a few comedy movies but once Jules suggests several coming-of-age films Lexi knows it's a wrap for herself. By the time  _ Waves _ ends Lexi is sobbing into her comfort blanket and Jules is rubbing her back.

"Honestly, Lex, I think we can interpret a happy ending for that one. Why are you crying so hard?"

"I'm sad!" Lexi yanks her blanket away from her face so Jules can see the ' _ duh' _ look she's sporting. "You're drowning me in coming-of-age films. Several nerves are being hit. It's too much!"

"Okay! Damn, I didn't know you had a thing for these type of movies," Jules shrugs her shoulders, eyebrows furrowed. "We'll watch something else. What about horror?"

Lexi scoffs at how oblivious Jules is.

"... Unless you need a moment to recover?" Jules smiles hesitantly, spreading her arms to welcome Lexi into a hug. If she wants one, that is.

"Yes! I need a moment. Or two." Lexi climbs into Jules' arms and cries some more, thinking about how her entire life thus far feels like a never-ending come-of-age film.

So in other words, a nightmare, because the entire point of the movie is that the character finally, you know,  _ comes of age _ . Lexi's convinced she might be stuck where she's at for a while- a.k.a. forever.

To make things worse Lexi is almost convinced she's not even the main character in her own movie. Most of the time she feels like she's a background character in her own life. Her mom, dad, Cassie, and even her close friends seem to have bigger roles in her life than she does. It gets to the point where it's like, what's the point?

She envies people like Jules and Maddy. They'll never let anyone become the main character in their movies.  _ A  _ main character? Sure. But not  _ the _ main character. The whole point is that  _ their _ movie is about  _ them _ .

Maybe if she hangs out with them individually more often she can take some notes.

Honestly, she has no clue why she and Jules don't spend time together like this more often because she's fucking great. Lexi definitely gets the appeal. Or whatever.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Our first time spending quality time together in a while and I'm sobbing in your arms over movies because that's how messy my life is right now. God, I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be. If it makes you feel better I'm probably the most likely to do something like this... Maybe Kat too." Jules adds after a beat.

"Definitely Kat," Lexi laughs. Jules laughs with her and hugs her a bit tighter, pulling her head back so Lexi looks at her.

"The movies are obviously not the only reason you're crying though. What's going on?"

"It's a lot. Can we lie down for this?"

"Of course," Jules guides them down onto Lexi's bed so that they're lying face-to-face.

"Well, my friends have been helping me create a bucket list and check it off. They're great- I mean, I'm, like, really happy I put myself out there and got to meet them and all that. I think I really needed them and they came into my life at the right time, you know? No offense, but, I've been caught up in everyone and everything from East Highland for so fucking long I don't know who I am outside of it. It's like there's this bubble around me and I can't figure out how to pop it. I want- no, I  _ need _ to know, do, and just be something else. Something other than fucking East Highland. I'm trying to figure out who I am and I have no idea where to start or finish. Do you think I'm crazy for that?"

"So that's why you've been distancing yourself," Jules nods. She gets it. She has a bubble too. It's not necessarily the same as Lexi's, nor is she sure she wants to escape it, but she has one. "Well.. what have you accomplished so far? What have you figured out?"

"When I'm with my new friends I don't feel as much as a background character. It's like a new slate almost. I've learned a few things. I'm a champ at karaoke, I can be a top-notch gardener, given the opportunity,  _ and _ I'm learning to play the guitar!"

Jules furrows her brows and side-eyes all of the new plants scattered around Lexi's dorm. Well, that explains that. "Okay then... Anything, like, solid? No offense but it doesn't sound like you've figured out anything groundbreaking yet."

"See? Exactly! That's my point. Like yeah, I guess I'm figuring out some fucking hobbies. So what? There are still multiple pieces missing, I think. Like what am I going to do with my life? What have I already done with it? Who the fuck even am I?"

"I don't know, bitch. These are a lot of big, heavy, questions. You're like twenty. You have plenty of time to live your life and figure all of this shit out as you go along. But, if it makes you feel any better I definitely don’t think you’re crazy, or anything.

"Shut up. I want to figure it out now. At least one big thing. One big discovery about myself and I think I'll be content for a while."

"We'll see how it goes then. I'm always here to help. And so is everyone else."

"Yeah, I know. I love you guys. I just think handling this with my new friends might be the best option, at the moment. We have more bucket list activities planned before break, so."

"Nice," Jules laughs at how serious Lexi is taking her list. She respects it though. Lexi is definitely a dedicated person. "Have you told Rue about this adventure you're on? She seems to really like your new friends, I'm surprised she hasn't tried to join you guys yet."

"Uh... Yeah. She actually kind of inspired me to begin this journey in the first place."

"Yeah? That's cute."

Lexi laughs and gives Jules a weird look. "Cute?"

"Yeah! You two are cute."

"I honestly can't tell if you're joking or not."

"Why would I be joking?"

"Rue and I are just friends. I don't know if you mean cute in a friendship goals kind of way or what, but-"

"- Oh please! Rue totally likes you."

Lexi's face falls when she realizes she can't even argue that Rue doesn't because it's true- she does. At least the last time she checked it was still true.

"I guess it doesn't matter who she likes when she's clearly  _ in love _ with you," Lexi sighs. "We talked, you know? Rue and I. I- I don't know if I should be telling you this but, she told me she liked me. And I rejected her. I told her I had a date and that I need to figure myself out. My date flopped, but I'm still trying to figure shit out. So, I don't know if you still think that's cute. But that's the reality of it. I've liked Rue since we were kids and I rejected her. Dumb right?"

Lexi leaves out the part where they talked about Jules and possibly going on a date if Rue is still single. That's not necessary, right? Why is she even telling Jules this? She needs to just bite her tongue for the rest of the night at this point.

"No, I wouldn't say that's dumb. Not if you rejected her for good reason."

Jules feels her face fluster and she can't tell if it's jealousy or her overthinking what everyone has been saying about Rue liking her now.

Rue confronted Lexi about her feelings? They could've actually been dating right now?

It's not like Jules has been gunning for Rue but fuck, this changes everything. How the fuck can she even compare to Lexi? She said it herself, she's known Rue since they were kids- isn't that an automatic advantage? What is she going to do with this information? Besides comfort and support Lexi at the moment, of course.

"Whatever, enough about me! Let's start the horror movies."

Maybe some actual horror will distract Lexi from the horror that she feels is her life.

* * *

"Hey, Mads. Can we talk?"

"What's up, Cass? I'm packing."

"Um, I was just wondering if you're okay? We haven't had an actual conversation in a few days and I don't know.. I just miss you."

Maddy thinks about her conversation with Rue, Kat, and Paris at the mall and takes a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? Are  _ you _ okay?"

"I'm good. It's just starting to feel like you don't want to be bothered, is all."

"I've just been busy."

"Yeah? With what?" Cassie asks, eyebrows raising. She makes her way to stand on the other side of Maddy's bed, across from her, arms crossed. Maddy still doesn't look at her and Cassie rolls her eyes.

"Hello?" Cassie asks after Maddy ignores her. "Earth to Maddy? Do you even hear me?"

"I hear you, Cassie. I'm getting ready to go home, okay? I've been busy. Haven't you been busy too? It's not like you've made a huge effort to have an 'actual conversation' either," Maddy slaps down her folded shirt and gestures quotation marks.

"Okay," Cassie picks up a pair of pants, neatly folding them. "Well, maybe I can help you and we can talk--"

"-- Cassie, what don't you get? I don't wanna talk right now. What's so urgent anyway? Look, if this is about ending things between us, just get it over with."

"What?" She gently places the pants into the suitcase. "What the fuck are you talking about? I just want to talk to you. What, do  _ you _ want to end things?"

"No!" Maddy glances up at Cassie. "I just- I don't know, okay!"

"You don't know if you want to end things?"

"Cassie, please. I can't do this right now."

"No, you can actually," Cassie frowns. "You're just not going to because you're too fucking selfish and too stubborn to do anything you don't feel like doing, no matter how that affects other people. Whatever, Maddy. See you Friday, I guess."

"Actually... you won't. I'm flying home. With Jules," Maddy bites her lip, bracing herself for Cassie's reaction. Cassie just scoffs and shakes her head, walking out of her bedroom.

"Well that was messy," Maddy raises her eyebrows as she takes a puff from her vape.

* * *

Maddy sighs as she looks over at her roommate. "So, I kind of got scared when Cassie came to talk to me the other day. I thought she might try to end things with me. So of course I lashed out on her and now she probably  _ will _ end things."

"Wait, are we seriously having a vent session right now?"

" _ Jules _ ."

"Okay.” Jules closes her laptop. “What happened?"

"I kind of told Cassie if she was coming to talk to me about ending things she should just get it over with. It's annoying me because if it was anyone else I wouldn't care this much. I'm actually sad."

Jules furrows her eyebrows, looking to the ceiling as if it will deliver her the perfect advice to give to Maddy. She doesn't understand Maddy. Like, at all.

"Literally why would you say that?"

"I don't know! I'm fucking scared, okay? I actually really like her and I'm confused and scared and don't want her to get bored of me or feel like I'm not enough for her. Look at how her and McKay turned out. I honestly expected her to get rid of me by now."

"You two make my head hurt," Jules drops her head into her hands- something she notices she's been doing a lot lately. "Don't you think she has the same worries?"

"What do you mean?" Maddy rolls onto her side, head resting on her palm, eyes focused on Jules.

"Maddy, like... I don't wanna say the wrong thing, but you and Cassie literally started hooking up while you were still with Nate. You both started developing feelings before you even dumped his ass for good. I think if anyone would be worried about being dropped because someone got bored it would be Cass. Like, what if she thinks you'll do the same thing with her? You lose them how you get them, right?"

"Fuck."

"Plus, if you're comparing your relationship to Cassie and Mckay's you're mistaken... I don’t think Cassie is as difficult as you're making her seem. She just wants someone to love and appreciate her, for her. That's it. And we all know Cassie didn't just dump Mckay's ass because she was bored. She deserves better. He kinda did her dirty," Jules shrugs. "But you need to let her know if you plan to be the one to love and appreciate her because right now it looks like you're fucking around. So yeah, she  _ might _ end things."

Maddy squints her eyes at Jules. "Okay. You can shut the fuck up now."

"You know I'm right, Maddy."

"Yeah, well what about you?"

Jules raises her brows, giving Maddy a curious look.

"How's Anna or whoever it is you're fucking this week?"

Jules laughs and sticks her middle finger at Maddy. "Fuck you. Anna is... Anna. We're cool but I think she may be expecting too much from me right now."

"Hm," Maddy nods in understanding. "And Rue?"

"God, what about her?" Jules sighs. Does  _ everyone _ seriously suspect that there's something between them? Who's next, her dad?

"Come on, we all know she's the one that's really pulling at your heartstrings, bitch. Are you two going to finally get together, or what? It's kind of exhausting waiting for this shit to play out. Just kiss and make up already!"

"Maddy!"

"What? You know I'm right, Jules," Maddy mocks Jules, recycling the same thing she said to her earlier.

Jules rolls her eyes and unlocks her phone. "Yeah, well, we're not really living in the fairytale you think we are. It's not that easy."

"Whatever," Maddy sits up and grabs some nail polish. "Hey, do you think I'm selfish and stubborn?"

"Uh, is this a trick question?"

"Just answer."

"Yes, actually, I do! You're the reason why Rue is pissed at me right now. Because of you, Cassie told her that we're flying home instead of road tripping with them. I was supposed to have a talk with Rue about that, remember?"

"Oh yeah, sorry. To be fair I didn't know Cassie would go and tell everyone."

"You're joking, right? They're literally roommates."

'Well, Cass is pissed at me too if that makes you feel any better."

"Yeah, it doesn't. Our cases aren't really the same if you haven't noticed."

"Oh, I've noticed. At least I'll be on clean up duty as soon as I land. Have you even told Rue you're spending a week with Anna before you come home? She's  _ really _ gonna be pissed then."

Jules sighs, letting her cheeks puff out as she slouches into her spot on the chair. "Someone save me from the shade and pettiness I'm about to get handed to my ass."

"Nah, you're on your own with this one. And quite frankly, you deserve it this time. Sorry, but I'm team, Rue."

Jules's mouth drops open, "Why is  _ everyone _ team, Rue? What does that even mean?!"

* * *

"Open the door," Maddy shouts from the hallway of the residence hall.

Rue furrows her brows but gets up and opens the door anyway.

"Yes, Maddy?"

"Hi, Rue. What's up?"

"Um..." Rue looks around. "Nothing," She shrugs. "Cassie isn't here. Do you wanna wait for her?"

"Oh, I know. I'm actually not here for Cassie. I'm sure you know we're not really speaking right now. Well, she's not really speaking to me, so."

Rue's bored expression makes Maddy cut to the chase. "Okay, I realize we never talked about what happened."

"What happened?"

"You almost relapsing, Rue."

"Oh god, seriously? This again?"

"I get that you don't want to talk about it--"

"- So then don't talk about it."

"-- But, I think we need to."

"Why? I'm doing better. I've been great."

"Rue," Maddy steps forward and reaches for Rue's hands, clasping them. "I almost lost you. And that's something I haven't processed until now. I'm sorry Jules and I didn't tell you we're flying home."

"Is that what this is about? Maddy, it's okay. Really."

"No, it's not okay. And that's not what this is about. I'm sorry that my first response was who would I watch movies with or get outfit feedback from. That is so shitty of me."

"It's not, that's just-"

"- It is," Maddy nods. "It is. I haven't been the best friend. I asked you to help me learn about the law and shit, then made you deal with me slacking when you told me you felt like I wasn't paying attention. I've ranted to you about god knows what for hours, have soaked a few of your shirts in my tears, always asked you to come to me, and have made you become a main part of my life. But I didn't stop to think if things are mutual. When do you ever get to rant to me? Soak  _ my _ shirts in tears? Even though the material is much better and probably more valuable. When do I ever come to you?"

"Um..." Rue decides to ignore the subtle insult.

"Never! Never, Rue. You're one of my best friends and you probably didn't even know that because I don't treat you like it. I suck."

"Maddy, you're one of my best friends too. I love you. I just- I know that's how you are. Our friendship means a lot to me. Helping you, spending time with you, it means a lot to me too. I promise this isn't just one-sided."

"Look, that night I was just- I was scared. I didn't want you to leave. I wanted you to sleep in the bed with me and Cassie and let us play in your hair, talk about random shit, and just not worry about everything else for once. Now that I think about it that's probably one of our most normal best-friend moments. And I hate that it took the chance of possibly losing you for that to happen. So, that being said, when we get home we're going to have the best sleepover ever. Just me and you. Deal?"

"Deal," Rue pulls Maddy into a hug. "... Is it your turn to make up with Cassie now?"

Maddy groans.

"You hurt her feelings. She really likes you, you know. She just wants to know if you two are good."

"I thought she wanted to break up. Or whatever."

"Well she doesn't, you dumbass. And you better not hurt her feelings again. Like, ever."

"Security detail, Rue Bennett? I respect it."

"Yeah, well, I'd do the same for you. And I expect both of you bitches to do the same for me, so."

Maddy smiles and shakes her head, leaning into Rue's side.

* * *

"Everyone's bags in the car?"

"Yup," Lexi confirms, shutting the trunk. "The trunk is kind of packed, though."

"That's okay. As long as we have space inside."

"Cool... Are we going to say bye to Jules and Maddy?"

Cassie and Rue make eye contact and seemingly telepathically agree on an answer because Cassie sighs and nods her head yes while Rue just shrugs.

"Actually... looks like we won't have to!" Kat smiles and everyone looks in the same direction as her, noticing Maddy and Jules walking up to the car.

"Hey," Jules greets.

While everyone gets out of the car to greet one another, Cassie pulls Maddy aside.

"What are you doing here?"

"We didn't want you guys to leave without saying bye. I know you're upset with me and you have every right to be, but you're about to take a long trip. I just wanted to see you in person before you left."

“Oh. Well, that’s sweet I guess.”

“I got you some of your favorite snacks too. I know you were complaining about it being a while before you guys stop.”

Cassie can’t suppress her smile as Maddy hands her the bag of her favorite treats, peeking inside to make sure it’s not a trick. “Thanks. You’re still an asshole.”

“I know. Your favorite asshole, at least?”

“Maybe,” Cassie crosses her arms.

"Hey, Kat," Jules calls out to her from her position next to Lexi. "Wanna stop by our place? We have free snacks."

"We do?" Maddy questions.

Everyone stares at Maddy and she raises her hands. "Joking. Duh."

"Uh, okay. Let's go, bitches," Kat starts her car and waits for everyone to hop in and buckle their seatbelts before driving. The car ride is shorter than expected- they arrive after only four songs play. Rue knows because she's keeping track of how many songs they play between each stop. Once they're parked near the girls' apartment building they all head upstairs.

Rue doesn't grab any snacks, but she heads to Jules' room and leans against the doorframe, admiring the bedroom. She's spent a lot of time in this room since she and Jules started talking again. A lot of time in a space so personal to Jules, someone she thought she would never talk to again just a few months ago, and a space she has grown to love even more than her own room. Well, her and Cassie's room.

"Looking for something?"

"Nah," Rue shakes her head. "Just taking a final look."

"Hey, don't talk like that," Jules shoves Rue's shoulder lightly. "It's not a final look. You're coming back."

"A final look before we leave for break, then."

"That's better."

Rue shoves her hands into her pockets, avoiding eye contact with Jules.

"Still mad at me?"

"Yeah."

"I figured. Can I get a hug before you go?"

"Yeah," Rue nods and Jules engulfs her in a hug so tight she's afraid she might have to pry Jules off of her when the time comes.

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> all feedback is highly appreciated <3
> 
> until next time


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